


Fifty Shades Later

by Niftynickis



Category: Fifty Shades of Grey - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-04-05 20:11:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 64,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4193343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niftynickis/pseuds/Niftynickis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a passionate two-year love affair, Anastasia Steele left Christian Grey. After a decade has past Ana has managed to make a good life for herself. But one day there is a knock on the front door, and outside is a nervous Christian - ten years older, but just as beautiful and charistmatic as ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a love story.

There is a determined knock on the door. Eight-year old Sara skips up from the living room floor, where her homework is scattered. She runs to and opens the door expectantly; it could be her best friend Eric. It’s not. She doesn’t know the man smiling down at her, asking for her mum, and she loses interest immediately.

"Mum!" she yells. "Someone’s at the door!"

There’s no reaction from the kitchen, from where the tunes of Fleetwood Mac, singing about never breaking the chain, is booming.

Sara rolls her eyes at the visitor and skips to the kitchen opening to get her mother’s attention.

"MUM! SOME GUY’S AT THE DOOR!"

"I DON’T KNOW!" she answers to an inaudible question.

Lindsey Buckingham’s pleading voice becomes faint in the background and a flushed Ana Randall comes out of the kitchen, hair tousled and wearing big yellow rubber gloves. She walks busily to the front door.

"Yes ... ?" she says politely, and then gasps at the sight of the visitor. It's not a stranger at all.

"No … " It’s a whisper, almost a whimper. In front of her, on the small and beautiful vine-over grown porch, is Christian Grey.

"Anastasia."

She slowly shakes her head. She doesn’t want this. It can’t be happening. She can feel her face getting hotter and she doesn’t know what do, what to say. So she says nothing.

"So … long time, no see, Christian says with half a smile, his well-known gray eyes large and apprehensive.

" What are you doing here?" Ana almost interrupts him, her tone frosty.

He startles and even fidgets slightly. He looks so misplaced on her porch, in this cute middle class neighborhood where people drive family-sized Toyotas, barbecue in their front-yard and take their dogs and toddlers for walks.

"Uhm … maybe not the reaction I was hoping for." He’s smiling, but Ana can see that he’s nervous – she knows that face so well.  "Can I come in for a minute or two?"

Ana still doesn’t know what to say, but she takes a mute step back and reluctantly stretches out a rubber clad hand, showing him in. As she closes the door behind him she has to remind herself to breathe. She had been hoping this day would never come, and after being able to avoid Christian Grey for ten years without much effort, she'd been counting on that it wouldn’t.

Ten years. Ten years she might have spent with him, loving him. But she made the most difficult choice of her life and left him. At the time it almost killed her, but she knows she made the right choice.

"Please take a seat in the living room, and let me get cleaned up. Would you like some coffee?" Ana's voice is shaky, but she decides the best way tcourse of action is to act as if Christian is just one of the neighbors, coming over for a coffee and chat.

He says yes to the coffee and goes to sit down on her small couch, needing to move magazines and other knock-knacks to make room. Ana disappears into the bathroom and takes a look at her self in the mirror. She looks so not-appropriate for seeing Christian Grey for the first time in ten years. Her hair is messy, tied up in a sloppy pony-tail, with curls escaping like a halo around her head. Her face is positively red and she actually has a black smudge on her nose, from some or other newly cleaned item in the kitchen.

Ana's mortified. And come to think of it angry, which is a better feeling. He wants to see her after ten years? How about making a fucking phone call? Or sending an email, or even a bloody postcard? Safe to say there are several contacting options much more appropriate than showing up at her house unannounced. What could he possibly want?

In an instant, her anger turns to worry. It must be bad news, for him to show up like this. Then again they have no connections any more, except Kate and Elliot, and she talks to Kate almost every day. Never about Grey, obviously. In fact, Kate hasn’t mentioned his name in years, and neither has Elliot, Christian’s brother, on the rare occasion that Ana sees him. They obviously see Christian quite often, but the arrangement has always been that they are never invited at the same time, and it has actually worked well. If Ana had lost Kate as well as Christian …

She throws the yellow rubber gloves on the floor, washes her hands and face and straightens her hair as best she can. She improves her mascara a bit and puts a tiny amount of lip gloss on. She wants look as good as she can, but she can’t come out of the bathroom looking like she actually made an effort. Through the bathroom door the voices of Christian and her daughter Sara are muffled and there is no way of hearing what they are talking about. At least they are talking.

So Grey, here I come, ten years later. She brings the coffee to the living room and pours it while Sara and Christian keep talking. The topic is school, but they’re joking and laughing, and Christian makes an entertaining impression of one of his high school teachers. They seem to have bonded quickly. Ironic, since Sara is kind of the reason she left him. And very unfair, that he seems so relaxed in HER home after TEN years of not seeing Ana.

But when Ana sits down on of the sofa opposite him, he turns toward her and the ease is gone. He looks apprehensive and tense all over again.

"Sara, could you please take your home work up to your room? Mr. Grey and I need to talk," Ana asks her daughter.

For some reason, perhaps something in Ana’s voice, Sara immediately acquiesces. She gathers her things and scrambles up to her room, singing the Fleetwood Mac tune that was playing earlier.

"She’s gorgeous", Christian says quietly. "She looks and sounds just like you. She seems like a bright girl."

"She very much is," Ana says, meaning to sound pleasant but failing.

She feels slightly sick, looking at him across the small coffee table. Obviously he looks really good, but that’s not news; he is still frequently photographed at various events and Ana’s even seen his piercing gray eyes looking at her from the front of Forbes’ Magazine a couple of times. At the news agent’s of course, she would never buy it. She sighs; better to get to the point.

"Christian, I really don’t know how to start a conversation with you after not having seen you for ten years. I think I’m in shock. So please, why are you here? Is something wrong?"

"Other than the fact that I haven’t seen you for ten years, no."

He’s trying to make a joke, but he sounds unconvincing. He takes a deep breath, and starts over. Ana gets the feeling he wants to stare down at the table, but is forcing his gray gaze to meet hers. She can't help but think it's quite out of character for him to be this humble. But what does she know?

"Anastasia, it’s really good to see you. You look like you are doing well. And your daughter is amazing. And I like your house, the little I’ve seen.

Christian Grey apparently does not forget his manners as easily as she seems to do, go figure. But she waits in silence for him to continue. She’s not interested in flattery.

"Everything is perfectly fine. I just … I’ve been thinking about you lately and I wanted to see how you were. I thought I might ask you out for dinner and catch up, or something. I apologize for just showing up, it wasn’t my intention at all to begin with. But the more I thought about giving you a call, the more convinced I got that you would probably hang up on me. And then I was going to email you, but what if you chose not to answer? I wanted at least a chance to talk to you, you know."

He runs his hand through his hair, and he looks irritated all of a sudden. But his voice is soft when he continues.

"And now I’ve said things I didn’t mean to say at all. Can’t we just have a pleasant conversation and catch up a bit? I mean it; I have no other motive than just seeing how you are. You use to be a very important part of my life, I think we ought to have something to say to each other. And I’ll always wonder how you are."

With the last sentence he looks shyly at her – Christian Grey, 39 years old, business genius - but still shy in her presence. And although she doesn’t want to Ana relaxes a bit, and starts to think that she can get through this. It won’t be much different from seeing a long lost friend after all. 

"I’m sorry Christian, like I said; I think I’m in shock. It feels totally unreal that you’re here – it’s been so long since … But of course it’s good to see you. Perhaps, for our first meeting I would have preferred not have been covered in dirt and dressed in rubber."

She flushes immediately and looks at him in horror. What the FUCK did she say that for? But Christian is obviously amused, his eyes light with humor, and just like that the thick tension filling the room dissipates.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Ana is in front of a full-length mirror in her bedroom. She’s trying to do something with her hair, something that is not a pony tail. But what ever she tries it ends up looking ridiculous. Finally, she decides on a casual bun, with a few strands of hair framing her face. It actually doesn’t look that bad. 

Wearing jeans and a light green silk blouse, a slim silver bracelet and matching silver loops in her ears, she looks okay. Ana wishes she didn’t worry about her appearance so much, and that she wasn’t feeling at the same time apprehensive and agog. Feeling this way is not welcome.  

She's meeting Christian for coffee in an hour, because once he was about to leave her house after showing up un-announced, he asked her out to dinner. And by then it was already too late. She couldn’t say no. Christian Grey had worked his charms during 45 minutes of small-talk, picking at her defences until they both knew that she would say yes. 

Well, she didn’t exactly say yes. She'd agreed to coffee, at her favourite coffee house not far from her home. Ana had thought at the time that it would be a good idea to choose an environment she was comfortable in. And now she’s beginning to think that it’s the worst idea possible. She loves that coffee house; she goes there to work sometimes, when working at home gets too quiet and dull. Why show him a place that's like her second home? 

It’s only one o’clock and she doesn’t have to pick up Sara from her friend Eric’s house until six. Squeezing in a couple of hours of reading manuscripts after she’s seen Christian shouldn’t be a problem. Work has proven impossible this morning. Sara knows that Ana is meeting up with Christian today. Sara took to him, obviously, and wanted to know when he was coming again, so Ana told her about the coffee-date. But as far as her daughter knows, he is just an old friend. 

Why is she so freaking nervous? It pisses her off. But deep down she knows why. It’s not the kind of apprehension one feels for a date; am I beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough? No, Ana is terrified that the years she spent carefully putting Mr. Grey in a locked compartment in her heart and mind, will count for nothing if she spends some time with him. The plan was always to avoid him at all cost. 

She built a life without Christian that was good and suited her well. She found a man that she loved and he gave her a child whom she adores; Sara is her reason for living. Ana never expected to love another man as long as she still loved Christian. She didn’t leave him because they fell out of love. He was still, and would forever be, the love of her life. But she found that since the love of her life wasn’t an option, she could actually fit this other man in her heart. It was admittedly different; it was a quiet kind of love, not a passionate one, but it was harmonious and comforting, and just what she needed. Until he died a year ago. 

Once they found out the reason why Thomas was always tired and loosing weight, the cancer in his lower cardia was already in an advanced stage, and despite radiation and chemotherapy he only lived for another two months. Ana was devastated and numb and Sara was in shock. They were more or less alright now, though. Both had the odd momentary relapse to grief, but for most of the time they talked about Thomas with fondness and humour, remembering stupid little things he’d said or done. 

The thing was that Ana had grown to like the predictability of her relationship with Thomas. With him she had found equilibrium and harmony and peace of mind. Well, with him and Sara. Pre-Sara and post-Christian, she was actually pretty lost. 

Ana shakes her head, trying to stop the thoughts from wandering to the time after she left Christian. Anyway, if she doesn’t get going, she’ll be late. And she’s sure that Christian is still on CEO-time – busy and important - ten years will not have changed that. 


	3. Chapter 3

The coffee shop is quiet at this time of day, apart from the odd student, nursing each cup of coffee for as long as possible. Christian has chosen a table in the far away corner in order to have some privacy, but still notices a couple of female students stealing a glance at him and giggling. Jesus, he’s almost twice their age! He doesn’t smile back – college girls hasn’t been his thing in a long time.

He is early. This neighbourhood is hardly his normal scene and Taylor insisted on familiarizing himself with the surroundings before dropping Christian at the coffee shop. As annoying as Taylor can get with his safety precautions, he has certainly managed to keep Christian out of trouble. Nothing severe has happened since … well, since Ana left. It was as if she attracted trouble. He smiles and shakes his head. She could be so incredibly brave and stupid at the same time. 

Looking at his watch he realizes Ana’s will probably be here in less than five minutes. She never was in the habit of being late. Then again, what does he know? He hasn’t seen her for a mind-blowing amount of years. 

He's not entirely sure why he's doing this. Why does he want to see Ana? When she left him … Just thinking about it still makes him feel sick. She’d promised she would never leave. She was his entire life, and when she walked out on him he actually wanted to die. At first, he had hoped that she would come back to him, she had done so before after all. But as the months went by without a word from Ana, Christian had realised that he was going to have to live his life without her somehow, and in order to survive he buried himself in his work and tried very hard to turn his love into hate or at least indifference. It didn’t work, knowing that he, or what he could not give her, was the reason she left. 

Christian's brooding is interrupted when he sees Ana through the window, crossing the street on her bike at neck-breaking speed. The familiar pang of anger at her recklessness and lack of concern for her own safety makes itself known, but subsides when Ana enters the café. The wind has ruffled her hair and flushed her cheeks. Her blue eyes are shining. She looks ever the English Lit student who fell head-first into his office twelve years ago, and Christian stops breathing for a moment. 

Locating him at the corner table, she walks over, hesitates for a moment, then sits down opposite him. Right, he thinks, what to do? Hug, kiss cheeks, shake hands?  He’s grateful that she decided just to sit down. She gives him a real Ana-smile though, and he relaxes; maybe she is happy to see him, despite the less than warm welcome at her house the other day. But can he honestly blame her? Of course not. 

“Mr. Grey”. Ana smiles at him sweetly.

“Miss Ste … Mrs. Randall, eh, Ana”. Christian corrects himself, looking embarrassed. She hasn’t been his Miss Steele in a long time, but neither is she Mrs. Randall to him.

“Can I get you a coffee?” she asks, but Christian stands up immediately.

“Twinning’s English breakfast? Would you like something to eat? Muffin? Pie?”

“Actually”, Ana smiles at him, “I would like a cappuccino. I very much enjoy coffee these days.” 

Christian swiftly returns with two cappuccinos, and suddenly he’s grateful that they’re just having coffee, and not dinner as he’d suggested. If this gets really awkward, he can always make up an excuse and cut their date short. He glances out the window at a black Audi parked by the curb, some fifty yards from the coffee shop. Taylor’s on stand-by. 

“So how is Sara?” Christian asks as he sits down, carefully placing Ana’s cappuccino in front of her. “She really is very lovely.”

“Yes, she is. And quite taken by you, I might add. You still know how to charm’em, huh?” Ana jokes, making Christian throw a quick involuntary glance at the college girls - but fortunately they’re finding something on one of their smart phones immensely funny, and seem to have forgotten all about him.

“But please, tell me about yourself,” Ana continues. “I know your company is doing well, you’re more often than not all over the financial news sections.”

“Thank you, I manage.” Christian says curtly. As a conversational topic his work seems wholly uninteresting right now. He wants her to tell him about herself, her life as it is now, but he has to be careful. Thing is, he knows quite a bit about her already. Following Christian's instruction, Welch has always kept an eye on Ana, where she’s been living and working mostly. Not wanting to give in too much to his stalking tendencies, and to protect his own feelings for that matter, Christian would only ask Welch to give him a brief yearly update. He doesn’t want Ana to know this, but he doesn’t want to lie to her either. 

He looks at her, her big blue eyes looking back at him. His chest tightens – she’s ten years older, but she still takes his breath away. If anything, being a woman becomes her. At the same, he wonders how much is left of the girl he used to know. Conflicting emotions soar through him – he missed her so much, she hurt him so much. Suddenly he realises that none of them has said anything for a while.

“You’re staring”, Ana says, obviously uncomfortable, but somehow Christian finds this funny – or maybe it’s just nerves – and he starts laughing. “I guess it’s hard for me to believe that you are actually in front of me, after such a long time”, he says, still laughing. To his relief Ana joins in.

“I know, this feels really weird.” She looks at him intently. “You really do look very well. Why do good-looking men always become even more handsome the older they get?” She cocks her head to one side and Christian’s heart jumps.

“Well, if you are in fact including me among those OLDER men that just keep on getting hotter, I thank you. And if the same rule does not apply to women, then I guess there are exceptions. You look very beautiful, Anastasia.”

Ana suddenly finds her cappuccino very interesting. When she raises her eyes again, her look is determined. “How’s your family? How are Grace and Carrick?” Christian smiles.

“They’re both really good. Grace still works at the hospital, Carrick has retired early. He spends his days alternating golf and volunteer work. He loves it. Mia lives in Sydney with her husband and two kids and Elliot … well, obviously you know about Elliot.”

“What about you, are you seeing anyone?” The question sounds innocent enough, but Christian thinks he can spot a momentary glint in Ana’s blue eyes. But it might just be wishful thinking.

“Uhm, in a way” he answers slowly and is just about to continue when he sees Ana’s horrified expression. He frowns in confusion, but then it dawns on him. Oh my God! She thinks he meant he has a Submissive!

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Christian decides that the best course of action is to pretend he doesn’t notice Ana’s reaction. Not even he is comfortable discussing his sex-life at this point.

“I mean”, he continues in a neutral tone of voice, “I am seeing somebody, but it’s not that serious.”

“You’re not in love?” Ana blurts out, and in an instant her face is glowing red. “Oh, Christian, I am so sorry. It’s none of my business. Please just scratch that?" 

And don’t you know it, she’s biting her lip. The very image that still haunts his mind at times and she’s doing it right now, in front of him. Oh, he hasn’t touched that lip for such a long time. And again, as she releases her bottom lip and her mouth becomes a thin line, he realizes he’s caught staring. A nervous laugh escapes him. 

“Don’t worry about it. Incidentally I’m not in love. As you may remember it doesn’t come that easily to me. But me and Nicole have an arrangement that works for both of us. It’s company when I need it.” 

He cringes. Why is it everything he says ends up sounding like sexual innuendo, when he doesn’t mean it to? Despite their passionate background, Christian doesn’t want Ana to get the impression that he’s trying to seduce her. That would send her running and he would for certain never see her again. He wants to show how completely normal he can be these days, because that’s what she is used to and he suspects that it’s what she wants.

He exhales. “You know, to functions and events.” 

“Let me guess, Nicole is a tall, leggy, brunette model with an exploding career?” Ana says, clearly amused now, although still a little flushed.

“Actually, her career is more the declining kind”, he mumbles, but other than that Ana’s right, of course. “You seem to know me well.” Which she does, better than anyone.

“It’s cheating. There’s no avoiding the odd photo of you with dates, and they usually have some things in common. I’m glad you have company," she adds, more serious now.

“Right.” Christian decides to change the subject, before they get deeper into who already knows what about whom. 

“What about you, are you seeing somebody? I am very sorry about your husband, by the way." He suddenly remembers he hasn’t offered his condolences and feels a pang of anger, directed at himself. How incredibly impolite and insensitive of him.

“I heard from Kate … it must have been very hard on you and Sara.”

“It’s been hard, but we’re starting to get back on our feet.” There’s a glint her blue eyes and she fiddles with her already empty coffee cup. She seems reluctant to talk about it with him, and he doesn’t blame her. Dead or not, he’s not particularly interested in talking about her husband either. Thomas Randall is the man who gave Ana what he, Christian, could not.

“And I’m not seeing anyone," Ana continues. “It’s only been a year, and … being a single parent can make dating challenging. I also work, and when I don’t I want to spend as much time as I can with my daughter."

“I can understand that," Christian says emphatically, but honestly it sounds more like excuses to him. Obviously he’s secretly delighted that she’s not seeing anyone. That won’t last for long though, just look at her. _Good thing you worked up the courage when you did, Grey._

“So, how’s work?” he continues. “I presume you’re still an editor?”

“Mm, senior editor at BPH, an up-and-coming publishing house with Swedish owners. But I only work for them half-time.” 

Christian is surprised. He did not know this. “They let you work half-time?” He looks perplexed, like the concept is utterly unfamiliar to him. Ana bursts out laughing.

“Yes, I’m very good at what I do and I manage some high-profile authors, so my employers take what they can get. I also freelance a bit and I have column in a weekly British literary magazine. It gives me freedom to organize my schedule around Sara’s days, so I’m around most of the time she’s at home. It actually works out really well. I'm lucky.” 

For some odd reason, Christian feels ridiculously proud of her. She seems so capable and mature and she must be a really good mother. He’s a sucker for good mothers. But Ana also appears vulnerable, and the mix is taking his breath away. With that nice little house, in this nice little neighbourhood, she must barely be making ends meet, and he feels a deep desire to take care of her. How can she still do this to him after such a long time? But then again, that’s why he’s here, isn’t it? To find out.

He asks some more about her work, where can he find her column if he would like to read it? Ana tells him, but as sure as she is at her job, she still flushes at the thought of him reading something she has written. The girl he used to know is still very much present behind the very womanly exterior. They also talk about Kate and Elliot, and Christian tells Ana that he spends a lot of his limited free time with his brother’s family. She looks slightly surprised when he goes on about his niece and nephew, and how much he enjoys being an uncle, but she doesn’t comment other than to laugh in the right places.  

Time famously flies, and suddenly Ana looks at her watch and says that she has really enjoyed this, but she has a tonne of work to do before picking up Sara. She has to leave. 

“Can I see you again?” Christian blurts out, as she gets up to leave. It doesn’t come out in the casual by-the-way-way he meant it to. Ana sits back down on the chair and gazes at him with serious blue eyes. _Oh fuck, here goes._  

“Christian, I don’t mean to be presumptuous in any way, but I have to make one thing clear. If you want to be friends, I think I can do that. But I can’t date you. What you and I had … was insane.” Suddenly her eyes well up and Christian feels a pang of guilt. He did that.

“Beautiful and mind-blowing, but also all-consuming. Leaving you is the hardest thing I have ever done. I was really lost for a long time. I don’t have the emotional stamina to go through anything like that again. The most important thing in my life now is Sara, and her well-being will always come first in any decision I make. And now, if you have absolutely no interest in dating me, I will feel really stupid”, she concludes embarrassed and blushing again. 

Christian is quiet for a moment, considering how to reply. The truth is he hasn’t come here with the clear intention of getting her to date him. He had no idea if he would even want to; it’s been ten years after all. But now, he’s absolutely positive that he wants to see her again – needs to see her again. Being friends with Ana feels like a ridiculous thought – how would that even be possible? But if she’s comfortable calling them that, he doesn’t mind for now. If that means he gets to see her. He takes a deep breath.  

“A while ago I was in Portland on business and for some reason I started thinking about your father, and the two of us fishing together. I found myself wondering how your mother and father were doing, and then how you were doing. And I realized I couldn’t picture you. I mean, what I saw in my mind, and always see when I think of you, was a twenty-two year old girl.” Christian is struggling to explain. With the wrong choice of words she might just be lost to him. Again.

“Anastasia.” He looks at her sincerely. “You are well aware that to me you will always be more than a love-affair that happened years ago. You changed my life completely. You taught me how to live and love.”

He clears his throat. Fuck, now he’s embarrassed.

“I will never, ever stop caring about you. I am not here looking for a date. I would just like to get to know you a little bit again.” There. Not too needy. He can’t help a short laugh. “Shit Ana, nothing can shake me in business, but coffee with you makes me feel like an insecure teenager.” 

Ana laughs, and the tension dissipates. She even reaches over the small table and touches his hand briefly. Their first touch in ten years. It makes his throat tighten and he's briefly wondering if this is a good idea. She is still the only one who can really hurt him. But he shakes it off.

Ana’s about to leave.  “OK, why don’t you give me a call in a couple of days? But let’s not go to dinner, I’d rather do something. Nothing extravagant, though”, she adds sternly.

“Promise”, Christian replies with a large grin. He’s going to see Anastasia Stee … Randall … fuck, Ana, again in a couple of days. He feels … happy.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Back at home, after pedalling like the bike was on fire, Ana has to take a shower before getting on with her manuscripts. While the adrenalin high from her wild bike ride wears off under the warm water streaming down her face and body, she can’t keep the thoughts at bay anymore. Images of Christian's grey gaze keep popping up in her mind. 

She had told him that they could be friends, whatever that meant. The Christian Grey she knew never really did friends – he had employees, business partners and lovers - _Submissives?_ Then again, what does she know?  One can acquire a substantial amount of acquaintances in ten years. And he had changed in other ways. He seemed less tense, less intense.  

Ana finishes her shower and dries her body with a huge white towel in front of the bedroom mirror. Seeing herself naked, she frowns. She’s thirty-five, she had a child, doesn’t work out as much as she should and she’s not happy with her body. Or come to think of it, she didn’t really give a shit until today. The reason she’s standing naked in front of the mirror staring at her breasts and hips with a displeased frown on her face, is Christian fucking Grey. 

Plunging down naked on the double bed, she puts her head in her hands. Oh god, she has to be careful. If she’s going to see him from time to time, she must keep her distance. Avoid getting sucked in by that extreme charisma of his.  Seeing Christian has left her with conflicting emotions – she’s terrified of getting hurt, or of losing herself again, but at the same time, being with him felt like home. How is that possible? Over the years Ana’s managed to apply the extreme feelings she had for Christian to her youth and inexperience, but somewhere deep down she suspects it’s just been a way of coping.  

Anyway. She sits up straight. She can handle this, being a grown-up, a widowed single mother. Christian Grey is never going to see her naked. Again. If he could just refrain from calling her Anastasia …

.... .... ....

 

Immersing herself in work proved to be an excellent way of spending the afternoon, instead of over-thinking her re-acquaintance with Christian Grey, and after a simple meal and helping Sara with homework, they are both slumped in the sofa in front of the TV. Sara is watching some horrible excuse for a kids show, but she loves it. Ana is catching up on emails. There’s one from Kate.

 

**To: Anastasia Randall**

**From: Katherine Kavanagh Grey**

**Subject: We’re getting sloshed!**

 

Hi honey,

As you know, I have my thirty-fifth birthday coming up, and I have an urgent mother-of-two need to get very, very drunk with you. We’re just getting a few friends together on Saturday next week and since you and I will be pretty out of it, Elliot is wondering if Christian might be welcome at the same do as you, to keep my husband company? We’ve heard rumours that you two are on speaking terms. It’s amazing what a decade can do ;-). 

Anyway let me know how you feel about this, and for fuck’s sake, tell me what’s going on!

Love ya./K 

PS. Grace and Carrick are on monster-duty for the night, they’re obviously happy to have Sara too. 

PPS. Not implying that Sara is a monster. The fruit of _my_ loins definitely are, though.

 

A couple of coffees and Ana’s already getting sucked back into the realm of the Grey family. As much as she has missed them all, she is not ready for that. Then again, seeing Christian with other friends might be just the right way handle all this, to normalize things. His brother is married to her best friend. Maybe it’s time they could actually hang out at the same place and time. Maybe he’ll bring the model-on-decline, keeping things even more casual between them. Suddenly she’s grateful for the email.

 

**To: Katherine Kavanagh Grey**

**From: Anastasia Randall**

**Subject: Wouldn’t you like to know …**

I don’t think I remember how to get drunk anymore. But you are my dearest friend and if you need my support I will do my best. I’m ok with Christian coming, if he’s ok with it. 

No to the monster-duty offer though, one step at a time, please. I’m sure I’ll manage. 

Will tell all, but not by email. I’ll call tomorrow. 

Love you/Ana 

 

Kate’s reply only takes a few seconds.

 

 

**To: Anastasia Randall**

**From: Katherine Kavanagh Grey**

**Subject: Eeeeh …. WHAT?**

I never thought you would actually say yes. But glad you did. This brings a whole other dimension to my birthday, thank you very much! 

Love/K 

PS. Getting drunk is like riding a bike. You’ll get the hang of it in no time.

 

 

Ana is grinning at the laptop screen. When she looks up her daughter is watching her with a quizzical look.

“What’s so funny, mom?”

Ana closes the laptop. “Kate just invited me to her birthday party next Saturday, that’s all.”

Sara’s face lights up.

“Sorry, honey, but it’s an adults-only party. Ella and Jamie won’t be there either.”

When Sara realizes that Kate’s kids are missing out on the birthday party as well she loses interest. But then she thinks of something, and takes her eyes off the TV-screen once more.

“Is Christian coming?”

Ever since he and Sara met, she is very particular to call him by his first name, not Mr. Grey. Because he told her to, apparently.

 “He told me that Elliot’s his brother. So he should be coming, right?” she demands.

Ana smiles at her daughter. “Maybe, sweet heart. I don’t know. Bedtime!” she chimes and starts busily straightening blankets and pillows when Sara takes a breath to continue the questioning. Ana shuts of the TV, opens her arms to invite her daughter in, and lifts her. Ana can still carry her up the stairs without much effort; Sara’s a petite eight-year old. On their way up to bed, she yawns and leans her head on her mother’s shoulder.

 “I like Christian.”

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

_Oh fuck, this is a mistake._ As soon as she enters Kate’s and Elliot’s home Ana can feel the tension in the air. There’s a bated conversation going in the living room area down the hall, low voices reach her as she lets Kate’s au pair take her coat. Apart from that the house is quiet. Usually, Kate would be warming up to party-mode right now, playing loud music and annoying Elliot by singing along to cheesy nineties boy-bands. Especially on her birthday – Kate loves being the centre of attention at a party.  

Is Christian here already? Ana’s is consciously early, she wants to be here when Christian arrives with Nicole, making sure everyone’s eyes will be on them when they walk in, not on Ana. She’s annoyed with herself for having to plan her arrival at her best friend’s party.  On her way here, in the cab, she even practiced greeting Nicole Kaufman in a completely natural and casual manner. If the cab driver noticed, he didn’t show it. She’s behaving like a fucking teenager. 

She grabs her purse and a gift box wrapped in lime green paper and walks towards the living room. Sitting in comfy, cream sofas around a beautiful drift wood table, are Kate, Elliot, Ethan and Ethan’s girlfriend Tess. The huge, open space living room is flooded with natural light and looks immaculate as usual. 

The two couples all greet Ana with big smiles as she enters. She’s knows what they have been discussing, and they know that she knows. They all look extremely stupid.

“Come on, guys,” Ana says with a sigh. “This is not a big deal. Yes, we’re friends now. Please relax and let’s make this a birthday party.” 

She walks over to Kate and kisses her on both cheeks. “Happy birthday. I love you,” she whispers as she hands over the present. Ana then kisses each of them, although Elliot gives her an unusually tight hug today. He’s moved, she can see that, and it dawns on her that these ten years must have been hard on him too. Always making sure to separate people he loves. Ana’s asked a lot of them, she knows that. Elliot and Kate never once questioned that she was so adamant to never, ever seeing Christian. She’s happy that the two of them at the same party is making Elliot happy. 

More people arrive - Kate’s friends from work, two of Elliot’s friends with partners. Ana’s met them all before. All of them are nice, easy-going people. She’s had two glasses of delicious white wine already and she’s enjoying herself. It’s been a long time since she just relaxed – not thinking about all the manuscripts waiting on her desk, bills that have to be paid and the everyday logistics involving a child who, contrary to her mother, is totally into playing soccer AND basket ball. 

The door bell chimes yet again, and the shy Swedish au pair hurries from the kitchen to get the door. This time it’s Christian. 

“Christian!” Kate jumps up to greet him from where she’s sprawled on the huge, forest green rug, and gives him a tight hug. Wow, she’s really warmed to him. Ana wouldn’t know this since she and Kate never discuss Christian. But she remembers him telling her that he spends a lot of time here nowadays. That would explain it, and for some reason she feels really glad that Kate and Christian finally get along. It probably got easier with Ana out of the equation. 

“Where’s Nicole?” Kate asks.

“She sends her apologies, she couldn’t make it,” Christian murmurs, keeping his eyes on the gift in his right hand, straightening the already perfect bow with his left.

He’s lying, Ana knows it. That’s why he’s so uncomfortable. He didn’t want Nicole to come, why? _You know why._

“Happy birthday, Kate.” Christian gives her a peck on the cheek, hands over the gift and turns to Ana. For a moment, she forgets that everybody in the room is watching, anticipating what Christian and she will do or say. Instead she just takes him in. He’s wearing black jeans and a graphite shirt and he looks gorgeous. His copper hair is a bit long, but then she always preferred it that way. How come she didn’t notice in the café? There’s simply not a more beautiful man on this earth. _Please don’t call me Anastasia._

“Ana,” Christian walks up to her, “how are you?” He smiles sincerely and leans in a bit. “I am going to give you a big hug right now,” he says quietly, his eyes locking with hers. “Give them something to talk about.” A giggle escapes Ana as she hugs him back and accepts a kiss on the cheek. As he holds her, she’s amazed by how familiar his touch is, and, good God, his smell.  She’s relieved when he lets her go, because her knees are getting wobbly. Dammit. You would think her body had been weaned off Christian Grey after ten years. Instead, it completely betrays her without a trace of shame. 

As he let’s her go, he smiles again. If he is feeling anything like what she is, he’s hiding it extremely well. “See, the worst is over,” he whispers  conspiratorially. __

_ No _ , Ana thinks with a sinking feeling in her chest, _it’s just beginning._

 


	7. Chapter 7

Once Christian and Ana’s little reunion show is over and done with, the party gets going. Several couples are having the night off family-duty, which leads to a bit more drinking than usual. Never the party animal, Christian is discussing property development with one of Elliot’s business partners. One part of his brain is concentrating on figures and marketing opportunities, while the other is constantly keeping Ana under surveillance. She’s drinking too much. At least she skipped the last tequila round that Kate called, despite protests from the fellow shotters. He loathes drunken people – perfectly intelligent women and men getting ridiculous, stupid and out of control.

For now though, Ana is just happy and giggly – completely charming, actually – and Christian’s hoping to get a chance to talk to her alone. From the corner of his eye, he sees Ana sashaying across the room to the side board where Elliot’s IPod-speakers are being tortured with some crap from the nineties. She frowns while she’s fiddling with the IPod, then smiles. She’s found what she was looking for. In a moment, Clean Bandit fills the room, propagating real love, and spirits soar among the guests. 

Elliot’s business partner - Christian has already forgotten his name; he’s not important - has stopped talking since Christian isn’t listening anymore. He is watching Ana goofing around with Kate, dancing and laughing. Right now he doesn’t give a fuck if people notice that he can’t takes his eyes of her, not that anyone cares. Christian knows he’s no hoot at parties and people tend to leave him alone after a while. Well, except some women. He’s been determinedly avoiding eye contact with two of Kate’s work colleagues all evening.

Frowning, Christian forgets about Ana for a moment when Nicole enters his mind. She is actually busy tonight with some work thing or other, but in any case Christian would never have brought her to a place where he knew Anastasia would be. It doesn’t matter that Ana hasn’t been in his life for ten years – while waiting for this party to happen so he could see her again, he realized that bringing a date was just unthinkable. Control freak that he is, he should be pissed off for letting himself get so affected by Ana already. But it’s the other way around. Christian likes this feeling. It’s like he’s been dead inside for ten years. Or dormant, and he’s just starting to wake up a slowly.

He knows this is unfair to Nicole and he needs to deal with it. Very soon. He might be many things, but he is not a liar and a cheat. Christian is fully aware that he might not have a chance in hell with Ana but he can’t be with one woman while constantly thinking about another.

When the Clean Bandit song fades out and is replaced by something else, Ana makes her way to the kitchen to get a drink. Christian immediately gets up and follows, striding quickly to avoid interception. He turns the corner to enter the kitchen and bumps straight into the little au pair. Christian has to grab her arm to prevent her from falling over. “I’m sorry”, he says darkly, irritated by the interruption. The poor girl goes bright pink when she looks up at him, makes a faint noise and disappears from the kitchen.

“Still intimidating young girls, I see,” Ana says, amused. She’s standing by the kitchen sink, a glass of water in her hand. Her cheeks are glowing from the dancing, eyes glittering mischievously. Her good mood is contagious, and Christian smiles back while leaning next to her on the kitchen counter. 

“The odd one, it seems.” He’s trying hard not to get distracted by the fact that Ana is still panting slightly, and that the pale skin above her discreet cleavage is moist with sweat. She’s wearing a dark green blouse that emphasizes her round breasts and accentuates those huge blue eyes. Being a master at self control, Christian has always been able to curb his reactions to women, no matter how hot they may be. Except with Anastasia. Still her, after a fucking decade. 

“You look warm. Do you want to get some air?” It sounds like a cheesy pick-up line, but Ana nods, and Christian follows her through the bustling living room and out on the patio.

Kate and Elliot have a big, lush garden with small seating arrangements scattered here and there among bushes and flower beds. A few smokers are already sitting on the deck chairs close to the house so Ana leads the way via a foot path to some wooden swings at the back of the garden. 

They take a swing each and sit down. “Go ahead,” Christian says nodding at her swing. “You should give it a go”.

Ana shakes her head, looking at her feet. “I have. Makes me nauseous.” 

They go quiet. Night is falling, and the garden lights suddenly turn on making the greenery around them look almost magical. Christian’s been waiting to get her alone so he can talk to her, but now that they’re here and it’s fucking perfect, he can’t think of a single thing to say. So he says the opposite of what he wants. “Are you cold? Would you like to go inside?” 

But she shakes her head again and looks up at him. “No, this is really nice. I’d like to stay a while if you don’t mind?” 

Christian nods, relieved.

“So tell me about Thomas,” he says softly, before he even realizes it. Ana looks up at him in surprise, her eyes large, disbelieving. 

“Seriously?”

“If you want to, of course”, he says gazing right at her, surprised that he means it. Or at least, kind of means it. Obviously, he would rather not acknowledge that Ana’s ever even looked at another man. Ten years ago, just the very thought would’ve driven him insane. Christian’s not entirely sure how he will handle it now either and he’s grateful for the poor lighting in case he’ll have trouble checking his facial expressions. The thing is, if he wants to get to know Ana again, and to have the slightest chance at being a part of her life again, Christian cannot pretend the last ten years didn’t happen. This is where they have to start.

“Oh, ok …,” Ana’s voice is hesitant. “I guess … what do you want to know?” 

“How about starting from the beginning, how did you two meet?” Oh, this is going to be painful.

“At a press function. Thomas does … did marketing for an indie publishing company.” Ana glances at him. “We got along, he asked me out.” She shrugs.

“What was he like?” Christian keeps his voice low so the tension won't be as obvious. At least he hopes it isn't.

Ana smiles. “He was sweet, kind of funny, generous to a fault.” She frowns. “Odd taste in books.” 

“Was he a good father?” Christian continues quietly. He knows the answer; he doubts Ana would have stayed that long with Thomas if he hadn’t been a good father, or at least adequate. There’s no questioning that she always puts Sara’s well-being first.

“He was.” Ana raises her head to look at Christian, but he can’t read her expression in the dim light. He wishes he knew what she was thinking. And he’s dying to know if she ever wishes things had been different.

They go quiet for minute, but eventually Christian can't help himself.

“You were married for a long time …,” he hesitates, and closes his eyes. When he continues his voice is dark and forced. “Is he the love of you life?”

Ana freezes on her swing for a few seconds. Then she starts kicking at the grass, eyes firmly on the ground. Her voice is so quiet, he can just make out her reply. “No, Christian”.


	8. Chapter 8

This is a strange conversation. It feels more like an interrogation, actually. It’s obvious that Christian is trying hard to sound casual and empathic but the topic is clearly making him tense. And that last question …

Ana suppresses a nervous laugh, it comes out a snort. She’s quite tipsy from the tequila, and this whole situation is so unreal. She’s sitting on a swing next to Christian Grey, the person whom her entire being revolved around for a couple of years, a long time ago. She can acknowledge the fact that he is trying to be-friend her, or at least she thinks that what he is doing. But it’s all very unlike the no-nonsense, I-take-what-I-want Grey that she used to know.

“Are you laughing at me?” Christian’s voice is hurt, and he sounds a bit angry.

“No, no,” Ana says quickly. “You’re making me a bit nervous, that’s all.” 

She shudders, which has an immediate effect on Christian’s mood. “You’re cold. Let’s get you inside.”

Hello, bossy-Christian. Another snort escapes her. Shit. But he just looks down on her, his look concerned. 

“Ana, have you arranged for a ride home? If not, I would really like to take you.”

“Christian …” She looks away.

“No, Ana, I really mean just take you home.”

Oh. She flushes. She’s behaving like she’s expecting him to seduce her any second, when all he is actually done is trying to get know her again. And he has a girlfriend. A gorgeous girlfriend. Although he did call whatever he and miss sex-on-legs have an “arrangement” … And then, just a few minutes ago the question about the love of her life, in that incredibly awkward manner. Fuck, she doesn’t know what he wants. And instead of accepting a simple offer of a ride home, she saying nothing and letting all these ridiculous thoughts race through her mind. Get a grip.

“Yes, Christian, I would appreciate a ride home. Thank you.” He gives her a big grin, and for a fraction of a moment Ana let’s herself remember that feeling of safety and complete trust that she left behind when leaving him. But she shakes it off quickly. 

“But we are not leaving yet, Mr. Grey. We have a birthday party to attend.” 

They walk back to the house and Christian takes Ana’s arm and hooks it around his, in a very just-being-friendly manner. She’s grateful he doesn’t take her hand, suddenly very aware that despite the fact they haven’t been lovers for a decade, not seen each other even, it would feel like the most natural thing to let her hand disappear in his.

Ana is confused and bothered. But she decides quickly that it must be due to some kind of deeply embedded Christian Grey muscle memory. Her body needs to re-learn around him, that simple.

When they reach the patio, Kate emerges from the house, looking at first pretend-angry and then suddenly concerned.

“Are you ok?” she asks Ana, ignoring Christian who sighs loudly. 

Ana laughs. Over-protective as always. “Yes Kate, perfectly alright. Christian and I have been catching up a bit.” 

“Oh, good!” Kate chirps and, concern gone, grabs Ana’s free arm and starts pulling her towards the house. “You’ve missed several rounds, you’re way behind.” It’s evident that Kate on the other hand has been present for all of the rounds of tequila shots.

“How about I catch up in a moment, I actually really want to dance with my birth day girl right now.” Kate, easily manipulated in her current state, shrieks and takes of towards the IPod to change music.

Ana glances up at Christian, who’s looking pleased that she’s not going straight for the shots. This naturally makes her feel like she should go straight for the shots. Then she remembers that she’s not twenty-two anymore, and that she’s had nothing to prove to Christian Grey in a long time.

“Excuse me, see you in a bit,” Ana smiles apologetically at Christian, turns and follows Kate inside the house.

.... .... ....

The party is still going strong, and so is Kate, when Ana starts feeling the familiar, gnawing head ache which never fails to remind her that she’s had more than three glasses of wine. Finding an empty chair in a corner, she sits down to rest for a bit. She hasn’t seen Christian for a good while but her ass hardly has a chance to touch the chair before he materializes next to her.

“You look like you might be ready to go home.” 

Again, a childish urge to defy him flares up. Jesus, what’s wrong with her? She’s dead tired and would like nothing better than to go home, and she doesn’t even have to call a cab, her ride is standing right next to her. Some gratitude might be in order.

“More than ready,” Ana gives him a tired smile. “What about you? Would you like to stay? I can always call a cab.”

Christian theatrically looks over both shoulders. “I’ve been playing hide and seek with two of Kate’s colleagues for the past two hours, and I’m running out of places to hide. They’re surprisingly cunning.” 

Ana can’t help but giggle, and Christians look sizes her up. “You look like you could make for quite a good cover when we try for the front door.” 

She laughs; he’s making her feel better. “Wouldn’t be the first time I save your ass."

Christian looks at her intently, all serious now. “No, it wouldn’t”.

As his gray gaze lingers on hers, something stirs deep inside Anastasia. An odd thought pops into her head; that she would have been lonely at this party if Christian hadn’t been here. She would have had as much fun and people to talk to all the time, but still. Since Thomas died there’s nobody who is … hers. 

Christian isn’t hers. She has no claim on him whatsoever. They hardly know each other anymore and what’s more, she left him. So how come she’s so much more relaxed just because he’s here? If anything, it should be the other way around. 

Ana and Christian say good bye to everyone in the living room and go to find Kate and Elliot. On their way to take a look in the kitchen, the Swedish au pair hurries past them very much embarrassed again. As they enter they see why. Kate is sitting on the kitchen table, legs wrapped around a standing Elliot, and the two of them are making out like there’s no tomorrow. Ana is on her way to follow the girl’s example and just let them get on with it, but Christian lets out an exaggerated cough, and Elliot reluctantly lets go of his wife and turns to them with a ridiculous smile on his face.

Christian looks like he thinks they’re completely out of control. “Thank you for your kind attention,” he says mockingly. Then to Kate, warmer: “Happy birthday, sister, this was a pleasure. But we’re leaving now."

Kate and Elliot look disbelieving, shocked. Elliot manages to produce a faint “Oh …?”

Ana, a deep crimson by now, hurries to clarify. “Christian is giving me a ride home, since we we’re leaving at the same time anyway.”

“Oh," the couple says uniformly, and they’re both visibly relieved. 

When they’ve said their goodbyes and are out the door, Ana turns to look at Christian. “I think you said that on purpose, Mr. Grey.”

“I might have, Miss Steele.” Christian smiles wickedly. 

Miss Steele. Ana doesn’t bother to correct him. She knows that she shouldn’t let herself like it, but she does, just this once. It’s so nice to feel like she belongs somewhere for a brief moment, even if she knows it’s just pretend, and wrong. 

“Kate and Elliot are my favourite couple, “Ana says quietly, when they reach Christian’s car. “It’s amazing that they’re still completely crazy for each other.”

Christian gives her look she can’t interpret, but then smiles a quick smile and opens her car door.

They ride to Ana’s place mostly in a comfortable silence. Ana’s really tired by now and leans her head on the car window. In the corner of her eye she can see Christian throwing quick glances at her now and again. Suddenly she’s not only post-party tired, but mentally exhausted. The strange conversation she had with Christian hours ago is nagging at the back of her mind, and just the fact that she’s been spending a whole evening at the same place as him is overwhelming. It’s like Christian’s proximity has drained her of all energy.

They reach her house, and Christian asks where Sara is tonight. Ana tells him she’s with Ray and for a brief moment she’s terrified that he’s going to want to come in. But Christian just asks her to say hi to Ray and Sara when she sees them tomorrow. He gets out of the car and hurries over to open her car door, steadying her wobbly-ish legs by giving her a hand. 

In front of her porch, he leans in and gives her a breathy peck on the cheek. Where his lips barely touch her skin they leave a pleasantly burning sensation and she has to stop herself from reaching up and touching his soft messy hair. Ana’s chest is already tightening from how lonely she will feel when he leaves and so she has to get into the house quickly, before she does something she will regret.

“Good night, Christian.”

“Good night, Anastasia. In you go.” He waits by the porch until she’s unlocked her door and is safely inside. With a smile and a wave he turns and starts walking to his car.  
Ana locks the door behind her, takes of her coat and shoes and goes straight to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Leaning against the kitchen counter she drinks the cool water in big gulps, some trickling down her neck.

He called her Anastasia. No one, ever, says Anastasia but Christian Grey. And when he does every fibre in her body responds.


	9. Chapter 9

Wednesday June 11 2014 12:15 pm  
To: Anastasia Randall  
From: Christian Grey  
Subject: Doing something.

Dear Ana,

I hope you don’t think that meeting at a birthday party counts as the “doing something” we agreed to do when we met for coffee. My schedule hasn’t allowed much doing outside of work lately, but this weekend is clearing up, and therefore I am asking you and Sara to join me for a picnic on Sunday. No extravagance, I promise.

Please let me know if this is something the two of you would like to do. If so, I might ask Elliot’s and Kate’s Jamie to join us. 

It was very nice seeing you on Saturday, Ana.

Yours, Christian.

 

Christian plays with the cursor a bit before finally clicking the send button. He is taking a chance by inviting Sara along, he knows that. If he tries to move things forward too quickly, it might scare Ana off. But he’s made up his mind now; he wants Ana again, and he is not a patient man. When he wants something he makes sure he gets it. For Christian Grey, this is taking things painstakingly slow.

To be fair, he has had a lot more time than Ana to get to the state of mind where the two of them might have a future together again. A year, more or less. It had just been a few weeks after he’d first heard that Ana’s husband had passed away that, almost unconsciously, he started thinking about whether or not he would like to have her back, given the chance. She’d left him, for reasons that didn’t make sense to him at the time. How he even survived the first year after she left, was a mystery. He doesn’t remember much. He couldn’t even fuck to forget – just the thought of being with another woman made him sick. How could Ana love him – and she must have; she’d stayed despite all the crazy ghosts from his past – but then leave him to free-fall without her?

It took Elliot becoming a father for Christian to wake up. Seeing his older brother’s unconditional love for the bundle that first was quite uninteresting, but then slowly turned into the personality that was Ella, stirred something inside of him. Ella liked Christian too – and through that little girl’s eyes, and later Ella’s younger brother Jamie’s, Christian began to see himself in a different light. His niece and nephew managed to do the same thing Anastasia had done; make him feel worthy of love. And very slowly, he had been able to admit that he understood why his love alone hadn’t been enough for Ana.

Looking back, it was difficult to understand why he had been so stubborn. It wasn’t as if she demanded that they have children right away. On the contrary, she was in no hurry to be a mother. But she was completely certain she was going to be a mother. And if for some reason she couldn’t be a biological mother, she wanted to adopt. Both scenarios terrified him. Both were unthinkable. And he didn’t want to share Ana with anyone.

Even though she knew that deep down it was fear that drove him to be so stubborn, eventually she couldn’t handle his cold and stand-offish attitude towards her reasoning. She’d said she couldn’t just keep on hoping that he would someday change his mind and then wake up fifteen years later to find that it was too late. She would start hating him for it. And so she’d left him.

Somehow he managed to live his life without her, knowing she was out there married to somebody else and having somebody else’s child. For a man as possessive and jealous as Christian it took an unthinkable amount of self control to not do something about it. What, he didn’t dare think about. In the end, the reason he stayed away was knowing that he had driven her away, it was his fault. So he had to suffer for it.

And then suddenly, he might have been given another chance. However, it took him a long time to figure out if he could take the risk to get hurt again, wasn’t it just better that he get on with his life? He felt the odds were against him; she would probably not want to see him, she must have gotten over him a long time ago. Also, she probably wasn’t the same Ana anymore; he might not even want her. But she wouldn’t leave him in peace, not even in his dreams, and finally he’d known that he had nothing to loose. So what if he got hurt again? If he had even the slightest chance of finding love with Anastasia again, it would be worth it.

He had been very patient before contacting her; he wanted to give her the opportunity to mourn her husband properly before showing up in her life again. But now that he has seen her, talked to her and she’s turned out to still be his Anastasia in every way, he’s impatient. He knows he has to give her time, it’s difficult but necessary.

He’s sent the email; all he can do now in this matter is to wait for Ana’s reply. He has another pressing matter to attend to, which is Nicole. He’s asked her over tonight so he can end it, whatever it is that they have. For him, it’s been a convenient arrangement – somebody to bring along for company when he needed to and sometimes wanted to. She’s even accompanied him to Elliot’s for dinner a couple of times.

Nicole obviously benefitted from it too; he pampered her with luxurious gifts and clothes, he took her only to the best places and she was frequently photographed with Christian Grey, which wasn’t exactly bad for her declining modelling career. She wasn’t a bad fuck either, and all in all it had worked out well for both of them. Sure, she’d mentioned a future together a few times, but he had always made it perfectly clear that it was never going to be more than an arrangement. Nicole probably wouldn’t be overjoyed about things ending between them, but she shouldn’t be too surprised either. The readier Christian had gotten to contact Ana, the less he had wanted see of Nicole. He’s glad that he will be able to move on after tonight.

 

 

Christian is sitting by his piano nursing a tumbler of whisky in one hand, plunking down on random keys with his index finger. He can’t concentrate enough to play right now. He’s exhausted but he won’t be able to sleep.

Taylor silently enters the living room and coughs discreetly. “Miss Kaufman is now at home, sir.”  
“Thank you, Taylor. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Christian doesn’t even look at him. Tonight turned out to be an ordeal, and Christian is seriously pissed off at Nicole for behaving like a maniac and at himself for thinking they had an understanding. Nicole didn’t understand at all, as it turned out. She had cried, yelled, threatened and begged. She had refused to leave his apartment until, at two o’clock in the morning, Christian had to ask Taylor and Simmons to escort her home. At least now it was over.

He takes a last large gulp of the whiskey, leaves the empty glass on the piano and saunters over to his bedroom. He should at least try to get some sleep. But before he goes to bed he will check his emails, which he hasn’t had a chance in hell to do all night. Grasping his IPhone he flips past the business emails looking for a reply from Ana. And there it is.

Wednesday June 11 2014 8:42 pm  
To: Christian Grey  
From: Anastasia Randall  
Subject: Picnic

Christian,

Thank you for your kind invitation. My daughter and I would be happy to join you on Sunday. Please let us know where, when and what we should bring to the picnic.

It was very nice seeing you too on Saturday.

Yours  
Ana

 

Suddenly Christian is completely relaxed, the stress of the evening gone. He thinks he might even be able to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Ana is at her favourite coffee shop again, enjoying a cappuccino instead of making calls to authors which is what she should be doing. Sitting across the coffee table is Kate with a look of expectancy in her eyes.  
“So why am I here? I’ve skipped work for you so it better be something good.” Kate narrows her eyes at Ana. “Am I right to think this has something to do with Grey?”

Ana looks intently at her coffee cup for a while, and nods. Of course she’s right. Kate has been very patient with her; she hasn’t really asked anything about Christian. Kate knows Ana well; she needs to think things through on her own before airing them with her friend.

“Kate, you’ve seen him a lot the past years. I just want to know … what he’s been like? I feel like maybe he’s changed since I knew him. Or in one way he’s different and in another way he’s just the same…” She’s not making any sense, but Kate shrugs.

“Just like you and me and everybody else have from ten years ago, then. I think he’s matured that’s all. Other than that I don’t think he’s different.” Then she smiles suddenly. “Except with Jamie and Ella. They certainly know Christian better than I do. Maybe you should be talking to them.”

Ana smiles. Christian wasn’t just trying to impress her when he was talking so fondly about his niece and nephew. She also remembers the ease with which he talked to Sara. Although she tries to suppress the feeling, she’s very pleased.

“Ana, are you seriously going to date Christian? I know about the “picnic”,” Kate makes a face and rolls her eyes, “on Sunday. Seems my son is chaperoning.”

“I am not dating him. I’ve made it very clear to Christian that I can’t date him, Kate.” 

“Then what are you doing? Are you two just going to be friends? Excuse me, but that’s preposterous.” Kate actually looks quite upset. But then her face softens and she reaches over the table and takes Ana’s hand.  
“Honey, you’re still so naïve sometimes. Are you telling me that you’re going to resist Christian Grey? Nobody does, except maybe me. I seem to be immune.” She snorts. “You two will be all over each other in a blink. I saw the sparks at my birthday party. If you don’t want to be with him, you will have to stay away completely, Ana.”

Ana looks at her friend. Kate is so sincere and caring, and she’s right. What is she doing? Keep telling yourself the friend fib all you like, but you know it’s just a matter of time. Of course she’s known all along that if Christian Grey still wants her, there’s no way she’ll be able to resist. 

Her eyes well up and she tightens her grasp on Kate’s hand. “It’s too late,” she whispers. “I already can’t stay away. Why? I’ve only seen him three times, but it’s just like the first time we met. I can’t think of anything but him.”

“Oh, Ana.” Kate seems at a loss for words for once. But she gets over it quickly and straightens her back, getting ready for a Speech a la Kate. “Listen. If you two want to be together nothing would make me happier. But please make sure that you are on the same page this time, before things go too far. I don’t ever want to see you or Christian the way you two were ten years ago.” And then, half-jokingly: “Yes, I have come to care for Christian a lot, I know that surprises you. But he loves my children and that makes him irresistible, in an uncle-sort-of way. So I really don’t want to see him hurt either.” Kate sighs. “What I’m saying is, do what makes you happy Ana, but just go slow ok? You guys have been apart for ten years; give yourselves some time to catch up.”

Ana still has tears in her yes, but she’s smiling and nodding. “Slow is good, I like that.” She takes a sip from her cappuccino, which is getting cold by now. She can always count on Kate to straighten her tangled thoughts. “Anyway, Christian is seeing someone, so you might be getting ahead of yourself slightly, Mrs. Grey.

Kate finishes her coffee slowly and actually talks into the cup. “You mean Nicole? Christian told Elliot he broke it off yesterday.”

Oh. So much for slow. But I’m so happy Nicole’s gone.

 

 

“Why are we making a cake if he told us not to bring anything?”

It’s eight on a Sunday morning and Ana and Sara are baking a chocolate cake to bring to the picnic with Christian. Sara thinks it’s a bit early to be out of bed on the week-end. But Christian is picking them up at ten, and the cake needs to rest and cool.

Ana wasn’t going to make a cake, but last night when she couldn’t sleep, she changed her mind. She had to bring something. Starting a bake in the middle of the night would probably wake Sara, a light sleeper. Shame, it would have been the perfect distraction from her thoughts. 

Instead she was tossing and turning for hours. What if he wants her? What if he doesn’t want her? How will Sara fit into everything? She won’t, not if there’s still a Red Room of Pain in his apartment. Has he had submissives over the years? Can he still not sleep without her? Does he still love me?

In the end Ana had been able to get a couple of hours of rest, and now she’s so nervous she feels wide awake despite the lack of sleep.

After getting the cake in the oven, they have a long, lazy breakfast together. They talk for a bit while eating, Sara is excited that Jamie is coming to the outing. Then they immerse themselves into their respective books while drinking their tea.

At ten o’clock sharp, a car pulls up outside their house and Sara yells: “They’re here!” But when the man gets out of the car she’s disappointed. “It’s not them,” she says sulkily.   
Ana opens the door to see who the unexpected guest is and she gets a small shock. 

“O my God, Taylor!” Christian has sent Taylor to get them! Ana wouldn’t have thought he still worked for Christian; being his chauffeur and head of security was quite a demanding job, after all. 

Without hesitation she throws herself at Taylor, giving him a long hard hug. He hugs her back, although with a little more restraint. When she lets him go, his cheeks are flushed but he’s grinning at her. “Very pleased to see you again, Mrs. Randall. Mrs. Taylor sends her best as well.” Mrs. Taylor? Have he and Gail … 

“Oh, Taylor!” She hugs him again. “You and Gail got married? That’s fantastic, I’m so happy for you.”  
“Thank you, Mrs. Randall.” Taylor gives her a big grin again. “I will tell her you said so. Are you and Miss Randall ready to go? Mr. Grey is waiting.”  
“Taylor, call me Ana, and this is Sara. And yes, we’re ready.” As I’ll ever be.


	11. Chapter 11

When Ana, Sara and Jamie are scrambling out of the car after an hour long ride, Christian is waiting for them. Taylor has stopped the car in front a medium-sized farm house and on the immaculate lawn, comfortably relaxed on beautifully greyed lawn furniture, is Christian, two women and a man. Ana temporarily feels a sting of disappointment – why the crowd?

Christian hurries to his feet and comes to greet them with a huge grin. He looks boyish, happy and he’s breathtakingly gorgeous. Christian Grey can certainly pull off a nice suit better than most people, but in jeans and a loose, finely knit sweater, ruffled hair and that wonderful look in his gray eyes … Ana’s doesn’t know where to look. He overwhelms her.

“Ana.” He leans in and kisses her cheek and she blushes. Fitting for their first real date in ten years. Christian also bends down and kisses Sara’s cheek. She doesn’t blush, but giggles and rolls her eyes, which for a moment gives Ana a flashback she’d rather not associate with her daughter. But she shakes it off and laughs as Christian lifts Jamie and carries him hanging up side down over to the small group by the furniture.

“Ana, kids, I’d like you to meet some of my R&D-team. Jill, Marie and David, this is Anastasia Randall, her daughter Sara and my nephew Jamie.” So, Randall today, eh?

They all sit down and from the house comes Taylor, carrying a big tray of lemonade and snacks. Ana’s surprised but very pleased when Taylor joins them at the table. 

It turns out that Christian owns this farm as part of his beloved farming-in-third-world-countries project, and part of his R&D-team develops and tests prototypes here. It’s partly run as a regular farm with a small amount of live stock and a full-time foreman and two farm hands.

Hearing Christian tell them with passion of the things they do at the farm brings Ana back. This is the Christian Grey she fell in love with twelve years ago, the man she felt was inside that cool, hard, beautiful exterior already on the first day she met him. The day she fell into his office. She flushes at the memory. That’s how to get a billionaire’s attention, apparently.

“So guys, do you want to see the farm?” Christian asks. The kids jump up immediately, immensely bored by all the talking. Christian points towards an open jeep and they set of running to see who can get their first.   
“You really love this, don’t you?” Ana asks, as she and Christian saunters in the direction of the jeep.  
“Is it that obvious?” he almost looks shy. “I don’t really have to own a farm in order to test prototypes, there’s plenty of outsourcing to be had and this is certainly not the most cost-efficient way. But I like being able to go out here once in a while and talk to R&D, and see hands-on how things develop. It’s fun and motivating to see things in reality and not just as numbers on a spreadsheet.”

They get into the jeep and Christian drives off. It’s a quite a hot summer’s day and it’s nice to go in the open jeep. As Christian is joking with the kids and even laughing a little himself, Ana looks at him in wonder. He’s so relaxed. She’s not. For some reason Grey seems to be master of every environment. Maybe it comes with money. It bothers her slightly that he seems so relaxed with her as well, as if he’s taking her for granted.   
She shrugs. It wouldn’t be the first time she wants to project her own insecurity at someone else. He does have a pretty good poker face – he could be trembling inside for all she knows.

“You’re very quiet, Anastasia. Is something wrong?” Christian wakes her up from her brooding by touching her hand briefly. His voice is low so the kids can’t hear him and he sounds genuinely concerned. Ana turns to look at him; and all the worry that he’s taking her presence here for granted vanishes. His gray gaze mirrors her feelings exactly.  
“Nothing is wrong”, she gives him a reassuring smile. “I guess I’m a little nervous. This is like a real date, and I … it’s been a long time since I went on one. Even longer since I went on one with you.” And of course she flushes. He answers her with a huge grin. “Ana, the fact that you and Sara are spending the day with me … I’m nervous too. But now that that’s out in the open, I actually feel better. You?”  
Ana laughs. “I do.” And she does.  
“Good, because we’ve just reached our first stop.”

Christian parks the jeep by a small enclosure and when they get out of the car they see one of the farm hands feeding two lambs. They find out that the farm hand’s name is Meredith and the lambs she’s caring for have no mother. That’s why Meredith has to take care of them. Both Sara and Jamie have tears in their eyes when they climb in and pet and cuddle the little black and white lambs. They get to feed them with bottles of formula, giggling as the lambs nudge and shove each other to get to the bottles.

Sara and Jamie find it difficult to part with the cute little orphans, they all stay at the enclosure for almost an hour and by then it’s already lunch time. The kids get to choose a spot suitable for the promised picnic. When they finally agree on a spot, Christian gets a large wicker basket and a cooler from the back of the jeep.   
“I promised you no extravagance,” he says with a smirk, “but I think Gail went nuts when she found out I was taking you and your daughter for a picnic.”  
“I think it’s so nice that Taylor and Gail are still with you. It must be like … fifteen years now. I really like that they’re still taking care of you,” Ana adds shyly. It’s comforting in a weird way, knowing that they were still there for Christian when she wasn’t.  
“You know I take care of the people around me,” he answers seriously. Then smiles, “But I am very lucky they both have put up with me for such a long time.”

They make themselves comfortable under a huge shady pear tree, with a couple of blankets on the ground. There’s no way they’ll be hungry; Gail has packed four different types of sandwiches, cold ham and chicken, strawberries and sliced melon, carrot- and cucumber sticks, sweet baby tomatoes, several different kinds of cake, lemonade and coffee. 

They’re all enjoying the food, all of them in a good mood, talking softly and making small jokes and Ana finds herself thinking it’s totally surreal. It’s like they’re playing family. Anyone who didn’t know them would think they all belonged together.

When they start finishing up, a four-wheeler comes speeding in their direction. It’s Meredith, the farm hand, and as she pulls up next to them the kids jump up as if on command. It turns out that Meredith has promised them a tractor ride, something that passed Ana by earlier.  
“Are you sure it’s safe?” she asks Meredith, worried both for the kids but also to seem too fussy. Meredith assures her it’s perfectly safe, she and her colleague will keep close watch. So the kids hop on the back of the four-wheeler, like it’s all they’ve ever done, and Meredith takes off at a much mellower pace than when she arrived.

Ana looks suspiciously at Christian. “Did you set this up?”  
“Who, me?” he says with mock shock. Then he laughs. “No, I didn’t know any more of this than you. I wouldn’t have dared do that. It seems Meredith and the kids bonded over lamb.”  
“Ok, then. Let’s take advantage of this moment of peace and quiet and have some coffee,” Ana decides and pours two cups. She reaches to give him one and as he accepts his hand touches hers. She thinks that it’s on purpose, but she’s not sure. Again a flash back hits her; Christian running his thumb back and forth over her knuckles. It’s something she’s missed, she realizes that know.

And because of that she can’t take the small talk anymore, she needs to know where this is headed. Which might destroy this absolutely perfect summer day, but it can’t be helped.  
“Christian …” she says tentatively. He looks at her immediately, noticing the change in her voice. “I was thinking … there are a few things I feel I really need to ask you. They are very private questions.”

Christian looks at her with earnest. “Ana, we might not have seen each other for a long time, but you know me better than anyone. You didn’t let me hide from you twelve years ago, and I have nothing to hide from you now. You can ask me anything, I mean anything, and I will answer as best I can.”   
Ana gazes at him in amazement. She never thought he wouldn’t answer her questions, but it’s the way he says it. And that look.   
“I feel very embarrassed asking you this, but I need to know … have you had subs since you and I … since, you know …” “No.” He interrupts her. Still with that earnest look, his gray eyes are almost shining. “No, I have not had subs since you left, Ana. I have never felt the need to dominate in that way again, and I’m very glad. It’s certainly made life less complicated. No crazy exes these days.” He smiles, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes.  
“Ok.” Ana swallows. She’s relieved in a way, although that means that she is no longer the only one he’s had a regular relationship with. But she’s asking questions more for Sara’s sake. She doesn’t want any unpleasant surprises down the road that could affect Sara.  
“Do you still have a play room?” Why is this question harder? She blushes and looks down in her coffee, but she can feel his gaze on her head.   
“No,” Christian says quietly, “that became our room. And after you I didn’t want it.”

Oh, my god. This conversation isn’t turning out the way she thought it would. She was sure he would tell her what she wanted to know, but that he’d be detached, slightly irritated and maybe somewhat amused at her embarrassed interrogation. This is not clearing the air, so they might be able to move on in either direction from here. Instead this feels like they are going in a specific direction must faster than she anticipated.  
“Is there anything else you want to know?” Christian asks her softly. Ana nods. There is one more thing. “Ok, in that case I’d like some more coffee,” he says, smiling. Ana tops up his coffee and her own and then asks her last question, the most difficult one yet.

“How do you feel about me having Sara?” Christian starts to say something, but Ana interrupts him. “Let me explain. If we are going to keep on seeing each other, in any shape or form, I need you to be aware and perfectly happy that Sara is going to be around a lot, most of the time in fact. It’s a commitment taking on a fatherless child even as a friend and I wouldn’t blame anyone for backing out.”  
At first Christian is quiet and Ana can’t really read his expression. Eventually he says, “You’ve seem to have given this a lot of thought.” Ana nods, she has. “First of all, I really like your daughter. She’s so much like you. These days I spend a fair amount of time around two of her species, and I found years ago that I enjoy that very much and that, for some odd reason, they enjoy me too. Maybe it’s because we’re equally fond of toys.” He grins shortly, but then is serious again.  
“Secondly, when I came to your house a few weeks ago I knew there was a fair chance I would get to meet your daughter. Which is the first thing I did. What I mean is, I didn’t come to your house as a spur-of-the-moment thing. I had been thinking about it for a good while. But all the time I was weighing whether to contact you or not, you having Sara never even entered my mind as a reason not to.”

And that’s it. Ana is so moved by this beautiful man in front of her, that her eyes well up. Fuck. If they only had kissed just once she would’ve flung herself at him but something is holding her back and instead she just sits there with a cold cup of coffee in one hand, a small tear trickling down her left cheek. 

Christian takes the coffee cup from her hand, puts it aside and takes both her hands in his.  
“Thirdly Anastasia, it makes me happier than you know that you asked me these questions. It means you have thought about you and me a lot, but not just as friends.” He eases closer so his face is right in front of hers. ”Am I right?” he whispers. Ana barely nods. She can’t take his eyes away from his intent look and she can’t breathe. She knows this face so well, and she would touch it, but her hands in his hands feels so unbelievably right, she doesn’t want to let go.

Slowly, giving her every chance to flinch, he moves closer and starts trailing tiny kisses over her cheek, following the path of her tears.  
“Anastasia. I’ve missed you.” Christian’s voice is dark with feeling. Ana closes her eyes and then his mouth is on hers, the softest kiss imaginable. He kisses her again and again, softly, until she reciprocates and then her hand finally finds its way to his hair, making him moan quietly. He puts his hands around her face and kisses her deeply. When he lets go he looks gorgeously flushed, eyes shining. “That’s enough, Miss Steele, if I’m going to be able to control myself. Apparently there are kids around.”  
Miss Steele. “Such poor self-control, Mr Grey? We might have to practice that.”


	12. Chapter 12

Sara and Elliot are in extremely high spirits on the way back to Seattle and they chatter constantly in the back of the car. This means they don’t get much opportunity to talk. Instead Christian and Ana steal glances at one another and when their eyes meet they both smile shyly. 

Christian is immersed in the moment. He’s sitting in this car, next to Anastasia – his Anastasia – and a short while ago they were kissing. Right now he chooses not to think about what will happen in the future, where they go from here, because this moment is perfect. He wants for nothing, and he wishes the car ride back to Seattle would last forever.

But they reach Ana’s home way too quickly and it’s time to drop her and Sara off. Apparently the kids have made sleep-over plans while Ana wasn’t listening, and after a brief call to check with Elliot, it’s decided that Christian will take Jamie and Sara to theirs. Ana disappears inside the house to pack an overnight bag for Sara. 

When she comes back Christian is outside the car waiting. Ana hands him the bag, but after taking it he grabs her hand and holds it. She’s blushes, eyes darting towards the car to check if the kids are watching. They’re not. She gives his hand a squeeze which immediately goes to his groin. Oh god, he doesn’t even know when he gets to see her again and there is so much he’s longing to do to her, for her. Ten years of built-up desire is about to boil over inside of him.

“You’re unbelievably gorgeous, Ana.” And she is beautiful. The sun has coloured her cheeks, accentuating her big blue eyes. Tiny freckles are decorating the ridge of her nose and her forehead. She’s the sexiest thing he’s ever seen. “I need to see you again soon.” The tone of his voice is no doubt stressing how soon.

“I know.” She looks at him shyly, but he also thinks he can spot a challenge in her gaze. “We’ll have to check our schedules I guess.” She looks at him for what feels like a long time, saying nothing, until Jamie starts knocking on the car window. She starts and the moment is lost.

“Thank you so much for today. It was … perfect. You do very good dates.” This time her smile is big and earnest. “It seems Sara thinks so too.” He can’t help but grin broadly, proudly.

“Good night then, Christian.” She tiptoes and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek and it takes all his self-control not to grab her and press her body against his, kids or no kids.

“Good night Anastasia”, he says, putting as much of what goes on inside him in those words as possible. It affects her, he can see that, but she just waves slightly, turns and walks to the house.

 

Elliot and Kate invite him to stay for dinner when he drops off the kids, but he’s too preoccupied by what happened during the day and he won’t be making very good company. He blames work. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to catch up a bit when he comes home, so he’s not exactly lying.

Back at Escala, he takes a shower and changes clothes, then sits down at the breakfast bar to eat whatever Gail has prepared for him. Ana doesn’t leave his thoughts for second. He goes over every word from them having the best coffee he’s ever had, to when he dropped her off.

Christian pictures her in front of him: I know, we’ll have to check our schedules. And suddenly he laughs out loud, his laughter echoing in the big room. For a smart guy, he can be incredibly thick sometimes. Well, better late than never. He jumps off the stool and goes to grab a bottle of Chablis, one of Ana’s favourites. Still, after so many years, he often categorizes things after how Ana likes, or liked, them. A habit he hasn’t minded keeping.

He changes clothes again and puts on a light gray cashmere sweater and pair of soft jeans. Not those jeans - when she left he never wanted to look at those again. But he knows that she’ll like what he’s wearing.

He grabs his car keys and the bottle and takes a deep breath. It’s not impossible that he’s misinterpreting her signal, it’s been a while. But he’s tired of taking it slow and being careful and he wants her so badly. She might not even be home, she might have a friend over (does she have male friends? Why doesn’t he know this?), but he’s taking his chances. 

The ride to her house takes only fifteen minutes since the streets are almost empty, despite it being only eight o’clock at night. He’s grateful, that means less time to change his mind. 

He parks right outside and takes some time to look at the house, hands on the steering wheel. The lights are on and her car is parked on the street, so at least she’s home. He goes over the exchange again; did she really mean he should come over? If she did, why didn’t she just say it? He smiles slightly and shakes his head. She didn’t say it because she’s Ana. Absolutely fucking irresistible Ana, who is still so insecure and has little idea of the effect she has on men. Fuck it, he’s going in.

 

Ana’s having a lovely night. She has this evening all to herself and she’s in the garage doing her favourite pastime. The IPod is connected to the speakers she’s installed on the garage wall and she is painstakingly sanding an old wooden chair, acquired for a steal in a yard sale. She is also has work in progress on a small chest of drawers and a side table, but tonight the chair won her attention. She’s completely addicted to seeking out deceivingly ugly, unloved items and making them beautiful again. And she’s getting better and better at it, some of the up-cycled furniture in her house she’s immensely proud of.

The sound of the door bell is barely audible over the loud music, and when Ana does hear it, she’s tempted to ignore it. She doesn’t want to chat to any of the neighbours now; she’s having a good time with her chair, thinking about Christian kissing her under a pear tree. But she’s a good girl, who feels bad even ignoring the door bell, so she gets up, wipes her hands on her paint-stained dungarees and goes to open the door.

It’s not one of the neighbours or kids selling superfluous stuff to make money for school-trips. It’s Christian. He has a look of mild shock and amusement, when he’s looking her up and down.

“Doing some redecorating?” he asks with smirk. Just what she once asked. Does he remember?

She’s already flushing obviously. She wanted him so badly to come here tonight, since Sara miraculously had better things to do. But she wouldn’t ask him straight out, and to be honest he didn’t use to need invitations to potential sexy times to be that literal. Ana didn’t think that he had understood, or just ignored it.

And now here he is, looking incredibly hot in slightly overused jeans and a wide-necked, loose sweater, showing his beautiful, sexy collarbones. His hair has the just-out-of-bed look that she loves. Used to love. And rather than wearing something potentially sexy, she’s in dungarees and a sloppy ponytail, covered in dust. Much like the last time he was at her house come to think of it. She realizes she has no choice other than to try and make the best of it. She does want him here.

Leaving the front door open, she turns and walks into the house.

“What took you so long?” she says nonchalantly over her shoulder. “I’m going to clean up and change. Meanwhile, why don’t you try and find a wine-opener and a couple of glasses in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.” God, she’s cool.

Behind her she hears Christian close the door and take off his shoes. Although she wants to run up the stairs to get changed as quickly as humanly possible, she makes herself walk up in a leisurely pace.

Washing her face, armpits and other important places, she wonders if she’s ready for this. It wasn’t long since she looked in the mirror promising that Christian Grey would never see her naked. But he wants her, he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t, right? And her whole lower region tells her she is ready. Thank God she shaved yesterday.

Brushing her hair and teeth and improving on her very light make-up from the day, she hears Christian pottering around in the kitchen. He’s in her kitchen. The love of her life is opening wine in her kitchen and suddenly she’s so overwhelmed with emotion she has sit down on the toilet, getting all teary-eyed again. This is so much more than she would ever have dared hope for, and just like last time, all those years ago, her feelings are so intense, it freaks her out. Don’t overthink!

“Hey, what’s taking you so long?” Christian yells from downstairs, so she scrambles out of the bathroom, takes a deep breath and is deceivingly calm and collected when she walks down the stairs, now wearing a simple black jersey dress which she knows flatters her figure.

While Ana was changing Christian has made himself comfortable on her living room couch. He’s lit some candles, put soft music on and two glasses of white wine are waiting on the table. Which he must have cleared from clutter, she realizes; it never looks like that. He’s set the perfect scene for seduction and Ana can’t help but start giggling. 

Hearing her he turns and looks at her with wide eyes. He looks amused.

“Too obvious?” he says with a smirk. Ana covers her mouth with her hand and plunges down next to him on the couch, in a very unsexy way. She shakes her head, smiling at him. She feels much more relaxed now.

“I’m really glad you came over. Are you hungry?”

“I’m glad I finally got your hint. No, I’m not hungry. Wine?” Ana nods, and he hands her a glass. “To us, and the lovely day we had together.”

He takes a sip from his wine, not letting his eyes leave hers. The candlelight makes his eyes look darker, a stormy gray. He lifts his hand and carefully puts a stray strand of hair behind her ear. At the same time his eyes are travelling all over her face, making her flush.

He traces his thumb over her eyebrow and she shivers. Noticing, his eyes go even darker and he inches closer to her. Just his thumb on her eyebrow made her burn and when his thumb touches her lower lip next, pulling it free from her bite, her breathing gets shallow and she can’t wait any longer. No sex for a year and half and no Grey for a decade; she lunges herself at him still holding her wine glass in one hand and plants her mouth on his, kissing him hard. Those warm, soft lips of his, they’re better than she remembers and she’s ready to get out of her dress now. With her free hand, she’s starts tugging at his sweater but to her surprise, Christian draws back. Oh, she can’t touch him? Frowning, she looks up, but he’s smiling; amused and aroused, she knows that look in his eyes. 

Christian reaches for her wine and puts both their glasses back on the table, then grabs her upper arms and gently pulls her into his lap. Cupping her chin, he kisses her softly but deeply, just her mouth at first but then slowly parting her lips and letting the tip of his tongue touch hers. He lightly bites her lower lip, just like she does and it’s almost too much. Her body is reacting like it’s been waiting for Christian Grey, hibernating for ten years and just waking up, exposing a need she didn’t know she had. This is what it was like to be with him. She might have suppressed those memories, but her body hasn’t forgotten.

Not being able to help herself she gets eager again, pressing her body and lips to his, grinding her hips slightly. Sitting in his lap she can feel his erection through the jeans and she can think of nothing except that she needs him inside her, now.

Again, out of breath, he draws back slightly. His voice is hoarse: “Can I take you up to your bedroom?” “Yes”, she whispers.

When he places her arms around his neck and lifts she wraps her legs around his waist and they slowly make it up the stairs to the bedroom all the while kissing deeply. Christian sets her down on the bed and reaches for the bedside light. “No, please leave it”, Ana says, not looking at him. The room is not in complete darkness; the street lights leave just enough light for them to see what they’re doing.

Christian pulls her up from the bed and gets behind her, slowly unzipping her dress. Pulling the dress down over one shoulder, he kisses her neck, her shoulder. Painfully slow his lips follow the dress down on its’ way to the floor. When his mouth reaches the small of Ana’s back and his hands are cupping her butt cheeks, thumbs trailing her panty line up and down, she’s shaking.

“Christian, please …” she whispers, pleadingly. 

“Oh, baby.” He stands up and faces her, holding her face gently with both hands. “Anastasia, please can I make love to you slowly? This is the last time that I will make love to you for the first time and I want to savour and enjoy every second. Do you understand?” His voice is trembling with desire and emotion. “I will not let you go again. Ever.”

And she knows he means it; Christian doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. This is so new, it’s going too fast, but she doesn’t care because it’s them; it’s Christian and Anastasia and they’re not like others, never were. She puts her arms around his neck and her lips close to his chest, in the area where long ago she wasn’t allowed to touch him.

“Don’t let me go”, she says, her hot breath on his soft sweater. He gasps and pulls her close, holding her body so tightly she can barely breathe.

When his hold on her loosens a little, she pulls his sweater up his back and he willingly raises his arms so she can pull it off. “I love slow.”

She looks straight into his eyes, while slowly undoing his belt and unbuttoning his jeans. He doesn’t take his eyes off her either and he doesn’t flinch when she carefully starts caressing his chest and his nipples. He moans slightly, but it’s a good moan. 

“You’re such a beautiful woman, Ana, you take my breath away. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, but now you’re a woman and somehow you manage to be more. Shit, when you opened the door is those dungarees and a tank top … you shouldn’t be allowed to dress like that.” Ana laughs and kisses him. He lifts her and carefully places her on the bed, placing himself next to her. “I mean it. This does nothing for me compared to dungarees.” He trails his finger around the edge of her bra and her nipples tighten, wanting more touch, but his fingers continue down to her navel, circling it. He leans over her belly, hot breath on her skin.

“I remember this place, we know each other”, he says to her skin, making her squirm under his lips. Her fingers start playing with his hair, her hand very lightly pushing his lips closer to her skin. And then, finally, his mouth travels and stops just over her sex. He’s just breathing on her panties, his hot breath making her desire almost painful, and she raises her hips involuntarily trying to reach his touch.

He doesn’t let her, instead he slowly pulls of her panties and asks her to sit up, so he can remove her bra. When bra and panties are gone he pulls her onto his lap and kisses her earnestly, then cups both hands around her breasts. He looks at hem, then licks and kisses each nipple in turn, making Ana move her hips trying to get some comfort from his erection.

“I know you too.” Christian is now talking to her breasts. “You two have grown a little, but you are lovelier than ever.” In the dark Ana blushes, but she forgets why as Christian starts sucking and gently biting at her right nipple while massaging the other one with his thumb. “Oh, god, I’ve missed you, Anastasia.” She can hardly hear him, she’s lost in sensation. Her whole body is craving his touch everywhere at the same time. She’s squirming and panting loudly, pressing her chest up to meet his mouth.

“I could make you come like this. I want to make you come”, Christian mumbles, letting go of her left breast and instead puts his hand over her sex, pressing gently. Then he slowly slips two fingers inside her and moans loudly. “Fuck, Ana, you’re so wet. I forgot how wonderfully wet you get, baby.”

With now lubricated fingers he finds her clitoris, and starts stroking lightly, teasingly. His mouth leaves her breast and finds hers, his fingers increasing the pressure, massaging steadily. 

Ana opens her legs even more, wanting more, pressing her sex against his hand. While exploring her mouth with his tongue Christian’s hand is moving slightly faster, now and again he’s slipping a finger or two inside her, but then returns to her clitoris.

Suddenly he slips two of his long fingers deep inside her at the same time as he’s pressing his thumb firmly on her clit and Ana explodes. She doesn’t scream or moan; as her body’s convulsing she sobs and whimpers, tears rolling down her face. One hand still caressing her sex, prolonging her orgasm, Christian holds her tightly, presses her to his chest. She buries her hands in his hair and sobs to his neck, still coming. 

When her body relaxes, Christian puts both arms around her and rocks her gently, while she cries silently. 

“Are you sad?” he whispers. Ana shakes her head, she’s not sad. There’s no way she can explain everything she’s feeling, it’s too much.

“I’ve missed you”, she says with a small voice, and he holds her even tighter. When he moves Ana feels his erection pushing against her sex, and her body responds immediately, already firing up a need. 

Ana raises her head and starts kissing him lightly and lovingly at first, and then deepening the kiss. Her fingers tug at the waistband of his boxers and sliding from his lap, she manages to take the boxers with her, making him wriggle to get out of them quickly.

“And I know you”, Ana says while closing her hand around his now freed erection, slowly sliding up and down, the same way he once taught her.

“Oh my baby, come here”, Christian says hoarsely and pulls her towards him. “I want to see you while I make love to you. I need to be as close to you as I possibly can, though it still won’t be enough. I never stopped loving you, Anastasia.”

Sitting on his heels, he opens her legs and pulls her even closer. She understands and raises her hips slightly and then very slowly lowers herself down on his cock. As he fills her his hand grasps her hair in the nape of her neck and pulls her head back. He moans loudly, lips to her throat.

While Ana starts moving up and down, forcing herself to go slow, Christian lets go of her hair and demands her to look him the eyes. With one arm around her, his free fingers are caressing her lips, sometimes slipping into her mouth so she can taste herself. Very slowly he picks up the pace, his arm supporting and helping her to move. 

She feels every inch of him as he slides in and out of her and she’s building slowly but surely. He fills her completely in this position, and when he’s all in her she can’t help but close her eyes, whimpering. “Look at me!” Christian growls, and she does; his intense gaze making her moan and wanting to go faster. But he doesn’t let her, he decides the pace and he’s relentless. 

“I mean it, Anastasia, I’m not letting you go this time. You’re mine, you always were.” His hold on her tightens and she can feel how he’s getting closer; he’s growing even more inside her. She never wants to be anything but his and now she wants to come so badly. “Look at me when you come, baby, let me see you”, Christian mumbles knowingly and without releasing his gaze for a second, she climaxes. This time it’s not an explosion, it’s slow and deep and long and it keeps on going while Christian thrusts deep inside of her and comes undone in front her, eyes shining and pinned to hers.

Completely drained they fall to the side, still embracing. Ana listens to Christian’s breathing slowly returning to normal. He even sounds beautiful. They’re so entangled right now, it feels like his skin is touching hers everywhere.

“How are you feeling?” she asks softly.

“Blissful.” She can hear the smile in his voice, even though his face is buried in her hair.

“Neither did I”, Ana says quietly.

“Sorry, baby?” 

“I never stopped loving you, either.”


	13. Chapter 13

Neither of them letting go, they don’t talk for a long time but it feels like he’s in her mind and she’s in his. Christian feels so close to her in every way; right now it’s hard to see how he did without this for ten years. Nobody understands every corner of his soul like Ana does – not even Flynn, in his days.

Ana had cried when he made her come. Right then it had felt like his heart was going to explode. Now he’s exhausted, spent; it’s like his body hasn’t properly relaxed since she left him, until tonight. It’s a wonder to him now how he once could refuse her a future child? To have her, have this; surely he could have given her twenty children if she’d wanted to? An unbelievably stupid, stubborn idiot, that’s what he was back then. 

Then again there’s no point in having regrets, especially now, lying in Anastasia’s bed with his arms and legs entwined with hers, her breath hot on his neck. Besides, Sara is the direct product of their break-up, meaning that Ana will never regret the past ten years, she can’t. And Christian has to take care to never, ever mention anything that could be interpreted as him wishing that Sara wasn’t around.

Fact is, even though the girl is living proof that Ana has had sex with another man, he likes her. Sara is so much like her mother; Christian cannot help but think she’s lovely. Also, his jealousy is probably curbed by this other man being dead, yet another thing he will never, ever mention obviously.

The important thing is that they’re here now, very much against the odds, and he now has to take extreme care he does nothing to let her slip away again. Christian probably wouldn’t survive that. What would be the point? 

Ana stirs slightly and mumbles that nature calls. Christian moans; he doesn’t want to let her go. When she starts untangling her limbs from his, he suddenly has a déjà vu. And not a good one.

“Ana …,” he says reluctantly. “I’m afraid I’m going to ruin our perfect evening.” This makes her look up at him, sudden worry in her eyes, and he swears within for expressing himself so clumsily.

“No, I mean, I didn’t use a condom. I got so caught up in the moment and … I forgot,” he says, as surprised as he sounds, control-freak that he is. Oh shit, the ever-so-romantic and not awkward at all trip to the hospital for the ever-so-pleasant morning after pill.

But Ana smiles sweetly. “I didn’t forget. I use a spiral. We’re safe.” Then a brief shadow crosses her face. “Unless … I mean, you’re tested, right … and … healthy? 

Fuck. “Yes, yes of course Ana!” 

Like magic, her worry is gone. “Good, it’s all good then.” She leans over and kisses him on the forehead, but as she pulls away she changes her mind and goes back for his lips. Pressing her mouth to his she moans, and he loves that sound. “I’ll be right back.”

She grabs a t-shirt from a chair and pulls it over her head, turns on the light in the bathroom and closes the door behind her. Christian reaches for the bedside lamp and turns on the light.

Looking around in the bedroom he smiles. This is a typical Ana bedroom; still an iron-bed, albeit bigger than the one he slept in twelve years ago, and with an eclectic choice of furniture and paintings. It’s all a bit mismatched, but somehow goes together perfectly. The style is quite the opposite from the modern, minimalist interior of his apartment at Escala, but he likes it. 

Ana finishes in the bathroom and practically jumps back into bed. 

“So, what are we doing?” she says brightly, girl-like. “It’s only nine-thirty.” At once she looks disappointed and says almost accusingly: “Maybe you have to go home?”

Christian laughs, she’s completely endearing. “Since we have this night to ourselves, I plan to make the most of it. I’m spending every second with you, if you let me. This means I might have to accompany you to the bathroom next time you need it.”

Ana makes a mock-shock face, but looks very pleased that he’s staying. 

“If you wanted, you could give me a tour of your home?” he suggests. Staying in bed holding her is an appealing option, but in truth he’s curious about her home. He wants to be able to picture her in this environment, doing her everyday things. 

“Of course, I would love to. Quite rude of me to just drag you off to the bedroom first thing.” She lies down next to Christian on the bed, throws a leg over his and starts circling a finger on his chest. Her touch feels amazing. These days he’s more or less overcome his haphephobia but Ana’s touch is the only one he’s ever enjoyed.

“Rude indeed. On the other hand, the bedroom is as good a place to begin a tour as any. And I already know my way around your kitchen.” He pulls her closer, wanting to feel as much of her skin as possible.

“Mmm.” Ana mumbles. “And my living room. There isn’t much more to see, actually. Consider the tour cancelled,” she states, pulling her body up on top of Christians and burying her face in his neck. He wraps his arms around her. “You fit me,” she whispers.

“Oh baby, I do,” he breathes, overwhelmed. 

They lie in silence for a while, and then Ana raises her head to look at him. “You’re even more beautiful up close than I remember. I adore when you look at me the way you’re doing now. I’ve missed it”, she sighs.

Christian is almost speechless. “How am I looking at you?” he asks, faint tremble in his voice.

Ana flushes. “I don’t know … it’s hard to explain. It makes me feel desired, I guess.” 

First she’s so open, and now she’s suddenly too shy to look at him. “And you are, Anastasia,” he says earnestly. “You have been since the first time I saw you.”   
He tilts his body so that Ana slides off and lies next to him. Lying on his side he supports his head with his hand and looks down at her.

“You overwhelm me, Ana. This morning I didn’t know whether you still felt anything for me, if I would ever get to touch you again.” Christian’s voice is unsteady. “Now I’m lying next to you, and you say and do these unbelievable things …” His voice trails off.

He sees Ana’s eyes glistening and she reaches up and puts her hand on his cheek. “Why do you think that I took such care to avoid you after I left?” she asks, holding his gaze. He opens his mouth to reply, but she puts a finger to his lips.

“If we would have seen each other after I left I would have gone back to you. I knew that. After I had Sara I thought maybe it would be fine to see you at Kate’s occasionally, but then I just happened to get a glimpse of you doing an interview for MSNBC. That’s all it took for me to know in my gut that, should you want me to, I would leave Thomas in an instant. I would never be able to resist you.” She pauses.

“That would mean being a part-time mother, Sara being a child with divorced parents. And I wasn’t even unhappy with Thomas.”

Again, Christian starts to speak and again Ana places her finger over his lips. “I need to say this, Christian.” She lets go of his face and instead hides her eyes in her arm. She seems embarrassed.

“What if I saw you at Kate’s now and again and it turned out you’d moved on? Maybe you would even be in love.” She shakes her head. “That would have broken me.” 

Christian doesn’t say anything, he’s barely breathing. So what she’s saying is he could have had her back at any point? His head is spinning at the thought, and he can feel the anger building; then why the fuck haven’t they been together before now? All those wasted years. 

But just as quickly his anger subsides when he realizes that Ana wouldn’t have been happy being a part-time mother and the cause of pain to her child and husband. No matter how you looked at it, this is the perfect point in time for them to be together again. 

Ana isn’t finished and luckily doesn’t seem to have noticed his inner turmoil.

“Telling you all this now; it seems both presumptuous and selfish. You know, me being married and not allowing you to find somebody. But it was just self-preservation. At the same time it broke my heart knowing that you would obviously draw the conclusion that I didn’t care about you anymore.”

She removes her arm and looks at him again, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.” Her voice is small.

“Oh Ana, for what? Right now, what you’re telling me just makes me feel like the happiest, soppiest person alive. It means I wasn’t alone all those years we were apart, it means it was all worth it. I drove you away because I was stupid and stubborn, but by the time I got that through my thick skull you were already married to somebody else.” 

He takes her chin in a firm grip and looks straight into her eyes. “How about we just leave all the guilt and regret behind us and just start over from this moment? Lying here next to you is almost too good to be true and it feels like nothing that’s happened before matters anymore.” 

Ana smiles shyly at him, blinking away tears. “It’s surreal isn’t it? At the same time it makes perfect sense.”

Christian bends down and nuzzles her bottom lip, pulling it free from her bite. “That’s because we make sense, baby,” he mumbles, his hand easing it’s way under her t-shirt up to her breast. Her response is immediate, first by biting back on his lower lip and then opening her mouth to receive his. He plays around with her lips and her tongue, nibbling, licking and eventually kissing her deeper, his thumb all the while stroking her left nipple.

Christian is in awe at how responsive Ana is. Just like he remembers. Just hearing her breathing faster and feeling her mouth getting hungrier, makes him unbelievably turned on. How does she do it? No other woman does, not like this. “I need to taste you, Anastasia. I’ve missed your taste,” he says hoarsely. Her breath catches and he gets a feeling she might have missed it too. Maybe her husband wasn’t very good at it. Instead getting a jealous pang from the thought, he finds it gives him pleasure. Big step for Christian Grey.

He eases his other hand in under her t-shirt and plants it on her other breast, now stroking both nipples leisurely. Ana’s hips start moving and he pictures in his mind how wet she already is.

Not letting go of her breasts he kisses his way slowly down her body, towards her sex. When he reaches his destination, he gently blows, making her squirm and moan with anticipation.

Pinching her nipples hard he starts to gently lick her clitoris with the tip of his tongue. He slowly increases the pressure, making his tongue wide and pressing it against her. Ana whimpers and involuntarily presses herself against his mouth and Christian knows this is going to be quick, so he releases the pressure and start licking her lightly again. She moans with disappointment.

Taking matters into her own hands, she grabs his hair and pushes his head towards her sex. Christian decides to give her what she wants and starts licking full-heartedly, pressing and releasing, long strokes, quick strokes. Her clit is amazingly swollen and lovely and she breaths faster, pulling his hair so hard it hurts. Oh, he loves this, when Ana is so lost in sensation she looses control, and he’s the one who can grant her release.

As she starts climaxing, her body shaking with desire, Christian stops licking her and quickly, while she’s still coming, thrusts deep inside her. He moans loudly; he can feel her muscles clenching his cock and it’s so good. He keeps on thrusting, deep and hard, and without even having finished her first orgasm he can feel Ana building towards another. She wraps her legs around him to get him closer, meets every thrust and Christian picks up the pace. 

He looks down on her and her eyes are half-closed; she looks only semi-conscious. “I love you, Anastasia.” Her answer is incoherent, but with short, quick breaths she clasps his hair again. “Yes, baby, come with me,” Christian mumbles, going faster now. And she does, voicing her climax, which in turn takes him over the edge. Violently coming together, they cling to each other.

Christian wakes with a start. For a moment, he thinks he’s had the most wonderful dream ever, but then he feels Ana’s chest rising and falling as she sleeps. It’s not a dream. His arm is resting over her chest, his leg over her legs. She’s pinned underneath him.

Carefully removing his limbs as not to wake her, he gets on his side and just looks at her. Long eyelashes resting on slightly freckled cheeks, mouth open in a funny-looking way. She’s breathtaking.

Christian knows that they have things to talk about, like where they go from here. He has a feeling Ana will want to take things slow, but he doesn’t really mind that much. Obviously he would like to keep her close every second night and day, but since there is a little girl involved he will have to work on curbing his possessiveness. And he will gratefully accept anything he can get. He can’t remember when he last slept like this, like a baby; both his body and mind just relax around Ana.

There’s a beep and a hum coming from the floor where his jeans are left in a pile. Trying not to disturb the sleeping beauty next to him, he bends down to fish up his phone. It’s a message from Taylor asking him if he would like to be picked up somewhere to go to work. Christian texts back: No, have a car. 

When he lies back down again, Ana is awake and smiling at him. “Hey, gorgeous”, she says. Christian grins widely. “That’s my line.” He leans over and kisses her gently. 

“It’s getting late, don’t you guys have work and school today?” Christian asks while running his fingers through her lovely morning-after hair.

“Nah.” Ana yawns and stretches lazily. “Sara has the day off school today, so I’ve taken the day off too. If this was a school day she wouldn’t have been allowed to sleep over at Jamie’s. I’m going over to Kate’s and Elliott’s for brunch around ten, they invited me after you dropped me off yesterday.”

Christian looks at her, smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “What?” Ana peers at him questioningly. Then the coin drops. “Ah, you’re coming with me, aren’t you?” Again he grins widely and nods.

“Hm.” Ana says.

“Hm?” He was hoping for something slightly more communicative than that.

“It’s just that … this happened so fast and I’m not sure I’m ready to share this with Sara just yet. I don’t know, I haven’t had a second to think this through …” She looks confused and slightly apprehensive for his reaction.

“Ana, of course, don’t worry about it.” Christians says gently. “It’s probably a good idea for me and Sara to get to know each other a bit better. There’s no hurry. As long as we’re honest with each other we’ll figure it out. Now can I pleeease come with you to brunch at my brother’s house?” He makes his huge begging-Bambi eyes at her and she bursts out laughing.

“If your CEO-of-the-world duties can spare you to spend a workday with the populace, I would love for you to join me. And let’s not tell Kate and Elliot that you’re coming, it’ll be our surprise.”

Christian snorts. “Anything to make Kate speechless. This will be fun.”


	14. Chapter 14

They take Christian’s car to Kate and Elliot’ s house, he has no problem dropping them off at Ana’s after brunch. Christian had been concerned that Sara might suspect something if they came in the same car, but Ana reassured him that it would be fine.

While in the car, Ana sits in the passenger seat with one foot under her thigh, so she can turn and watch Christian as he drives. She rests both hands in his lap, and were it possible she would put the rest of herself in his lap too. She’s aching to be close to him. Very soon this perfect bubble will be invaded by relatives and kids and questions and looks, and Ana wants to make the most of it.

Her heart swells as she watches him concentrate on his driving, sometimes frowning, at the impertinence of other drivers presumably, and then grinning whenever he looks her way. Right now this feels like the perfect way to fall in love; they already know each other as intimately as anyone can, but it’s still so new and amazingly exciting. Old and new love at the same time.

Christian has changed his shirt since last night. It turned out he had an overnight bag in the trunk of his car, but he hadn’t wanted to push his luck by bringing it in at first. Probably wise.

Now he’s wearing the same hot jeans, but with a white linen shirt, untucked, sleeves rolled up and showing off tanned, muscular arms. He didn’t shave this morning; he wasn’t going in to work today after all, and the slight shadow on his chin is very sexy. 

This gorgeous man wants her. She almost starts giggling at the thought, suddenly feeling like a fifteen year-old girl thinking of how envious her girlfriends will be of her new boyfriend.

She leans on the head-rest and is just enjoying her view, when Christian gives her quick glance, expression unreadable.

“What?” she says, smiling at him.

“I had a thought …,” Christian says slowly. “If you don’t have any plans for today, and if you don’t think it’s too much too soon, maybe I could take you and Sara for dinner at the Space needle?” He glances at her again, almost apprehensively. “Unless you think it’s stupid and then we could go somewhere else, anywhere you want. I know Jamie and Ella like to go there.”

Ana’s amazed. Christian sounds almost insecure, and she’s guessing that’s because Sara’s involved. It’s unusual but very endearing.

She thinks about it. Sara likes Christian and Ana is sure she wouldn’t mind spending the day with him. Is it taking things too fast? How does one even know? Also, like Christian said; today they all have the day off, and it could be weeks before the three of them get to do something together, and Ana really wants Sara and him to get to know each other. 

That settles it.

She’s been silent a while and Christian is starting to look worried. It’s tempting to keep him hanging a while longer, but she takes pity on him.

“As you’ve probably gathered from my long silence I’ve been thinking about it,” she says with a frown and hesitates for a moment. Christian’s fingers are apprehensively drumming on the steering wheel.

Then she blasts a big smile. “I think it’s a lovely idea, and I’m confident Sara will too.” 

Christian exhales and slaps her thigh. “That was torture,” he exclaims accusingly. But she can see a small smile playing on his lips. He starts up his IPhone lodged on the dashboard and calls his assistant asking him, him?, to make reservations at the restaurant. 

When he hangs up Ana asks if there won’t be a problem getting a table the same day, since it’s a school holiday and all, but Christian just raises an eyebrow at her, eyes saying: Seriously? I’m Christian Grey, remember?

Ana shrugs and smiles, marvelling at how different their worlds are. Something that might worry her if she would let it. But she’s not, at least not today. 

When they come up the drive at Elliot and Kate’s house, they see Sara sitting on the porch waiting. First Ana’s worried something has happened, but Sara’s face lights up when she sees her mother. Ana gets out of the car to catch a running Sara and gets a tight hug. 

“Hey sweetie, what are you doing out here?” 

Sara shrugs. “I knew you were coming at ten. I just wanted to greet you.” She looks at Christian. “Hi.” 

“Hi, Sara.” Christian looks amused. “So; I heard you’re mom was coming here too this morning and I asked if she wanted a ride. Hope you don’t mind me giving you a ride home later. Did you have a good time yesterday, at the farm?”

“Yees!” Sara gets an excited expression on her cute face, brown eyes sparkling. She grabs Christians arm and pulls him towards the house. Apparently Jamie took pictures of the lambs yesterday with his phone and Christian has to see them right this moment. Sara doesn’t have a phone because her mom thinks she’s not old enough, but she is. Does Christian think she’s too little to have phone?

They disappear into the house, leaving Ana standing by the car; she hasn’t even shut the car door yet. Her heart swells when she hears Sara chattering away with Christian and she let’s herself enjoy the moment. There’s a tiny voice in head trying to cut through her current bliss with some kind of warning. And for sure, her relationship with Grey was never uncomplicated. But that was so long ago and they’re both so much more mature now. And since leaving his dom days behind him, surely Christian won’t have psycho-exes with guns lurking. As long as any complications only involve the two of them she thinks she can manage.

So, time to face Kate. When she enters the hallway she finds the house empty, everyone is in the backyard where Kate and Elliot have set up a nice, simple brunch. 

When Ana steps out on the patio she can’t see Christian, but from the look on Kate’s face she realizes he’s just come up behind her. Hand in hand with Sara. Meaning the three of them stand in front of the patio door looking like a nice little family-entity. 

Elliot sees them, lets out a surprised whoop and comes over to hug them all. Either he’s completely oblivious to his wife’s reaction or he ignores her. Ana thinks the latter. It’s definitely one of Elliot’s strengths; pretending like nothing.

Kate’s disapproval reads all over her face, but Ana chooses to ignore her too, as does Christian, each of them kissing Kate’s cheek and thanking her for the invitiation. Their obvious complete lack of shame forces Kate to go along with it eventually and enjoy herself. Ana knows Kate will be calling her to the kitchen at some point. Soon enough, lemonade pitchers have to be refilled and Kate asks Ana for help in the kitchen.

She gets up and rolls her eyes at Christian who gives her a commiserating look. 

When she enters the kitchen Kate is standing by the counter, arms crossed.

“Don’t deny it; it’s all over you two. I knew he wouldn’t be able to take it easy,” she says with frown. “You’re a widow, with a child, for God’s sake. You’re going to end up getting hurt again. You always do with Grey. And this time you’re not alone, you have Sara to think about too.”

Ana had anticipated what Kate would say and thought she’d be able to handle it without a problem, but she finds herself getting furious at her friend for talking to her like she’s a child. While fighting to calm down before she opens her mouth, Ana just glares at Kate.

She takes a deep breath: “Let me make a few things clear; why would I deny anything? I’ve never lied to you, ever. Also, I invited him over, not that it’s any of you business.”

“When it comes to Sara I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions on how to protect her, I think I’ve done a good job so far. We will be taking things at the pace I decide best.

Kate looks surprised and maybe slightly offended. That should piss Ana off even more, but instead she sinks into a chair, suddenly tired.

“I know you want to protect me, Kate, and I do appreciate it. But saying I always end up hurt with Christian is not true; he didn’t hurt me, I hurt him. And I’ve never stopped loving him, Kate. I think you know that.”

Now Ana has tears in her eyes and naturally Kate melts and sits down opposite her by the kitchen table, taking Ana’s hands in her own.

“I can’t explain why it’s like this, but spending the last twenty-four hours with Christian has felt like coming home. He knows me in ways that Thomas never could, no matter how sweet and loving he was.”

Kate curbs her usual need to voice opinions about everything and just lets Ana talk. And it seems she needs to.

“Some part of me could probably feel guilty for getting another chance with Christian because Thomas died, but at the same time his death showed me that anything can happen at any point and if you want something, or if you have the chance to do something, it’s fucking stupid to wait.” Ana looks almost defiantly at Kate, but Kate in turn now has a look of compassion on her face.

Ana looks down at her hands, tucked in Kate’s grasp. “And I know now that it’s entirely possible to love two men, although differently,” she says quietly. 

“Ana, I’m sorry,” Kate says softly. “I don’t know why you evoke in people this need to protect you. When you’re always the strongest one, it turns out.” She shakes her head and then smiles. That’s Kate shaking off the small skirmish they just had, and Ana knows it’s a sign to move on. She doesn’t mind, she never been one to hold grudges.

Kate smirks at her and gets up to collect the pitchers. “Well, sweetie, you certainly look well-loved. Whatever Christian has been doing to you since last night, it’s put some colour on your cheeks.” 

When they return to the table Christian looks at her, eyebrows raised. Ana smiles reassuringly. She knows Kate will be on their side now, in that as long as nothing hitches, she’ll be silent. 

Christian is in an excellent mood and he and Elliot are reminiscing highlights of their childhood, something that Ana knows is extremely rare for Christian to do. Obviously most anecdotes involve fishing, something Christian and his brother still love to do. Despite being very different, Ana thinks they look very close now. Maybe Christian has been letting his family in more. It certainly should be easier now that he doesn’t have an entire lifestyle to hide.

Often Christian turns his head slightly too look at her. They’re eight feet apart, but his gaze makes her feel like she’s still in that bubble with just the two of them. They hold each other’s eyes for a moment, and it’s almost as good as touching. But Ana’s longing to feel him for real; she hasn’t for hours and there’s no telling when they’ll be able to next. Christian being like drug to her system, she remembers that. The constant need to be physically connected to him in some way, even if it was just their fingertips or even big toes grazing. This time around seems to be no different.

When Elliot and Kate refuse help clearing the table Ana and Christian finally end up alone for the first time since they arrived. The kids are inside playing Wii so Ana moves her seat closer to Christian’s, kicks off her right sandal and plants her naked foot in his lap, making sure her bold move is concealed by the garden table.

Christian gets a look of horror on his face, his eyes darting around the garden to make sure nobody’s watching.

“Ana …,” he says slowly, “is this a good idea? The kids could come back at any moment.”

“Then I’ll remove my foot,” she sulks, disappointed in his reaction.

Christian grabs her foot and starts running his thumb lightly up and down her instep, making her shiver slightly.

“Not just yet, Miss Steele.” Christian is amused and now he’s actually making matters worse instead of better. “You put your foot here, now you have to face the consequences,” he teases.

He runs his fingers up her bare calf making her long for them ro continue up under her summer dress, but they don’t. Instead Christian pats her foot tenderly and lets it down gently on the decking. 

“You should put you sandal back on, Anastasia, you might step on something and hurt your foot.” Ana kicks his leg, making him wince. Instead of scolding her, he flashes a wonderful, loving smile. “It takes a lot of self-control to not jump you when I know that you want me to. I see it in every glance you give me. But I so much want to do this the right way with your daughter. Getting caught sneaking a snuggle wouldn’t be the right way.”

Ana laughs. “I mean, your right of course, you wonderful man, but sneaking a snuggle?

Christian shrugs. “Yep.”

 

The day is lovely and do they end up spending most of the day. When it’s finally time to leave it’s already late afternoon and Sara’s tired, so Christian and Ana decide on a rain check for the Space needle, without mentioning anything to Sara. 

In the car back to Ana and Sara’s house they don’t talk much, listening to the radio. Sara sings along with the songs she knows, which is most of them. She sings in the unabashed manner of a seven-year old; enjoying it, not aware that she’ll soon enough be deemed either as good or bad, by herself as much as others. Ana loves that, seven is such a great and fun age.

When Christian pulls over in front of their house, Sara insists he should come in for dinner. “Mom is really good cook; everybody says so.” Both Ana and Christian make vague objections but since, when it comes down to it, they don’t want the day to end yet Sara gets her way. Especially when she offers to help. It’s funny, but Ana almost gets the impression that Sara is trying to impress Christian.


	15. Chapter 15

This week has been completely crazy. Good thing he doesn’t need much sleep. Christian started the week by taking Monday off, thinking he’d catch up at night. But little Sara had invited him to stay for dinner when he drove her and Ana home and he had ended up staying at their house way past midnight.

When Sara had gone to bed, he and Ana had enjoyed several hours on their own on the couch in front of the TV. No sex. He’s been trying to think back but he can’t remember them ever just spending an evening together knowing there wasn’t going to be any sex. Not counting the few occasions which he’d rather not think about, when Ana had been injured. Then again, to be fair, his memory of exactly what happened a decade ago might err a little.

It had been strangely uplifting, though. A turn-on in itself even. Ana and he had cuddled on the couch, TV down low so as to hear if Sara got up. They had kissed and touched and talked and looked at each other. And he’d found that he wasn’t annoyed at being hindered to do exactly what he wanted by the presence of a child in the house, which he had admittedly worried about.

Christian had actually found Sara to be fun. She was smart, a little precocious at times and she had a sense of humour. He felt quite relaxed in her presence and she in his. That was a relief; he knew kids could be both protective and possessive when it came to their parents. It was something he could certainly relate to, especially in regards to Ana.

When Sara went to bed he was chosen for the honour of listening to her read before lights out. She was an adept reader already; she would probably have to be with an editor for a mother. On her bedside table was a photograph of her father, Thomas. Christian had never really looked at him before, although there would surely have been photos of him in the yearly update on Ana provided to him by Welch. He had never wanted to look close, never knowing what he might do. 

It wasn’t a great photograph, a bit blurred and the colours were off, but Thomas Randall was laughing at the camera while sitting on a child’s swing with a toddler on his lap. The toddler, Sara presumably, was laughing too, a couple of teeth in her open mouth. Christian got why Sara would want this picture next to her, it had a happy feeling to it.

Thomas wasn’t a handsome man, although he probably had been considered to be cute or charming. His dark blonde hair was on the long side and he looked artsy. Christian had felt a disturbingly sharp jealousy flare up inside of him, almost taking his breath away. Sara, seeing that he was looking at the picture, had started telling Christian about her dad. Proudly, but also with a slight distance as if she was already remembering the stories about him rather than him. It was heart-breaking and the sudden, suffocating jealousy had surprised him again by giving way to sympathy, both for Sara and for her dead father. Thomas Randall was gone; he was never going to watch his daughter grow up.

When Christian and Ana met he had been her first in so many ways. And she had been his first in other ways. The fact that Christian was her first sexual partner was an honour he never took lightly, but it had also boosted his possessive streak even more. It felt like he was the one who discovered her; the rare gem that everybody else had just walked past by mistake. How could anyone possibly ever have any valid claim on her but him?

But of course, it was the other way around. Several men had noticed her and fallen head over heels before Christian came along. She’d said no.

She chose him. Ana had seen what others never had before in him, not the other way around. She had managed to tear down walls that he had thought to be impossible to penetrate. It was Anastasia Steele who had discovered the real Christian Grey and therefore she was the only one who could ever have any valid claim on his heart. 

And his possessiveness had been his downfall. He had wanted her so much to himself that he had refused to even consider starting a family. He had promised her that she would always have her heart’s desire. It turned out he’d only meant if he could buy it.

Before deciding whether to contact Ana or not, Christian had given a lot of thought into the fact that she was no longer only his in the sexual sense. Probably not even only his and Randall’s. Given how important that had seemed at the time of their relationship, and how the thought of her with someone else felt like a stab in the chest, would he even want her now?

In the end, he had realized that it wasn’t the amount of sexual partners that mattered, God knows he’d be in trouble, but who had Ana’s heart. And if Christian still had her heart, he would know that he’d had it the whole time. On top of that, he knew by experience that no matter how good sex was with anyone it couldn’t compete with the Ana-and-Christian combination.

The truth is Christian would always be jealous and he would always be possessive, just hopefully not to the extent bordering on the pathological. Despite feeling insanely jealous of Randall sometimes, he forgave him for having been married to Ana. If Christian was to have any chance of being part of her life, he would have to. And how could he not; if things were to go the way Christian wanted them to he would be the one helping Randall’s daughter with her homework, teaching her how to drive and seeing her graduate. That was a humbling thought.

 

Work is annoying the hell out of him; parts are missing for an important prototype he’s been working on for a long time and he is done being patient. A lunch meeting has been set up when the supplier will be told to step up or step out. Ros has wanted them to do it all week, but Christian has insisted on giving them an extra couple of days which he blames Ana for; he was just in too good a mood. He had been until today, when he found out he isn’t going to see her over the week end because she has a conference to go to in Toronto. She hasn’t told him which pisses him off, but just like him she isn’t used to telling anyone her plans. It had actually been kind of sweet; she’d said she forgot about it, being preoccupied with thinking about him, and only remembered when Ray had called to confirm that he was picking Sara up after school.

Just before it’s time to go to the conference room, Christian has a thought and he perks up considerably. But then again, maybe not. It’s the kind of thing he would have done ten years ago; he has serious doubts it would be appreciated now.

On the other hand, instead of surprising her he could just call her up and ask if she would have time to have dinner with him one of the nights if he flies in? Before he changes his mind he dials her number, and reaches her at the airport waiting for her flight. She’s happy to hear from him, there’s no doubt. Her voice is soft and subdued when she talks to him and he pictures her waiting in a lounge surrounded by people. Economy no doubt.

“I thought you were still catching up at work for playing hooky on Monday. What are you doing calling me?” He can hear her smile over the phone.

“Just wishing you a good flight.” He smiles back.

“You already did this morning. But I don’t mind, I miss you. I’m glad you called.”

“So am I. Listen, will you be very busy during the evening at this conference?” he asks, now looking at his watch. His assistant Christopher will come get him any minute.

“Uhm, I don’t know. There are a number of things I’m invited to but I haven’t confirmed anything yet. Sometimes I’m too tired to go and I just stay at the hotel. Why?” Christian can hear hope in her voice although she’s trying to hide it and his heart jumps. He’s going to see her! 

“Well, I happen to have a jet at my disposal. If you want and you have the time I would love to come over and take you out to dinner. Or eat in if you’re tired. Your call.” He holds up two fingers to Christopher who sticking his head in the door and mouthing something.

“Oh, I would love that.” She sounds so happy it makes him grin. “Which night, I’m flying home again on Sunday, so it’s really only tonight or tomorrow.”

“Which would you prefer?” Say tonight.

“Tonight, Christian, I can’t wait to see you,” she breathes over the phone.

“Text me the name of your hotel, I’ll be there around seven. If you’re not finished I’ll wait as long as it takes. Have a safe flight, Anastasia. I have to go. And be sure to nibble on something, I doubt we’ll make it through a long dinner.”

The last thing he hears before hanging up is Ana giggling and he gets a feeling he’s about to go easy on the moron supplier again. Better let Ros handle them. When he joins Christopher in the corridor he asks him to make sure the jet is ready in an hour and a half and to have Taylor swing by Escala for an overnight bag. Christian is going to Toronto for the weekend.

 

This is one of those things she enjoys less about her job. The Annual Toronto Book Fair is prestigious and extremely well-visited; all the major to smaller writers fight for the attention as do all the major to smaller publishing companies. Well, the major one’s don’t have to fight that hard obviously. Canadian television broadcasts all-day live author interviews and there are seminars and book-signing events.

Luckily other people from her company are in charge of promotional events and thus the ubiquitous smiling while backstabbing. Ana is not a mingler – she loves books and intelligent authors and she’s good at finding them. She’s here to meet with several promising authors and to make sure a few signed ones are happy with their representation. Meeting them all here over a couple of days is effective.

This year though, it’s not at all the drag it usually is. Christian is coming tonight and today she only has a few hours of work to do, so the hours will fly by. Her not turning up for the social events of the evening will be noticed by few and is not required. She’s better at doing her job in one-on-one meetings anyway, her employer knows that.

The only problem is that she hasn’t packed for a date. Her packing is professional; smart enough but comfortable, a must for the seasoned fair-attendee. So no fancy dining tonight, but that’s ok, she’d rather eat at the hotel anyway. But holy fuck, her underwear. She only packed slightly over-washed but extremely comfy cotton underwear. Either she will be forced to undress in the bathroom so Christian can’t see or she’ll have to buy some new. But when will she have the time and where? She doesn’t know Toronto that well. Ask at the hotel reception later, she’ll do that.

Her first meeting is with a 65-year old woman named Lisa Travis and Ana adores her. The woman is full of intelligent irony covering her own life with husband, grown-up children and friends. She always shares her stories generously with Ana, who in turn encourages Mrs. Travis to incorporate them into her books. Mrs. Travis is a wonderful story-teller and they always have fun. 

While writing up her notes on her laptop after the meeting she suddenly has an idea. Could she ask Taylor …? Ana has a feeling it would be completely inappropriate, but on the other hand Christian wouldn’t have to know. 

Before changing her mind, and flushing a deep crimson, she dials the number to Escala. She doesn’t have Taylors number and she knows Christian doesn’t usually pick up the land line. She’s right; Gail answers the phone. Ana looses track for a moment; it’s so odd to hear that familiar voice from so long ago.

Gail is happy to hear from her, but not as surprised as Ana thought she’d be. But of course Taylor has told his wife that she and Christian are … back in touch. After exchanging pleasantries for a while, an embarrassed Ana explains the situation as discreetly as she can. Gail immediately becomes efficient, asking for measurements and size. When the details are finalized Ana apologizes for causing Gail extra work and gives her home address so she can send the bill.  
“Oh, dear. That’s what I’m here for. Anything I can do to help. And … both Mr. Taylor and I are very happy that you are back in Mr. Grey’s life, Mrs. Randall.” Wow, that woman can get a lot of mr: s and mrs: s into one sentence.

“Thank you so much Mrs. Taylor. I’ll definitely owe you one,” Ana says gratefully. Gail just laughs and they say goodbye.

Clean underwear, preferably somewhat hotter that her washed-out cottons, will be at the hotel waiting when she gets back. Mission accomplished. Now she can relax and maybe even not cringe during the next meeting, which is with a young male author. He’s only twenty-one but he’s extremely talented and Ana wants to represent him if they can find a satisfying way to work together. The problem is that he’s full of himself already. The first time they met the little shit came on to her and Ana knows exactly the kind of writer he’ll become with fame. Think Californication. And fame will come, she’s sure of it. His agent is a decent one and if they can sort the kid out now, they might be able to steer him somewhat on the right path. If not, he’ll have to be someone else’s problem; Ana doesn’t deal with screw-ups, no matter how talented. 

She’s cleared the afternoon for him and his agent, but hopefully they won’t be more than a couple of hours, which should give her ample time to shower and change before Christian gets to Toronto.

 

At the hotel reception desk Ana picks up a large brown paper bag. It looks like it contains more than panties and a bra but she waits to unpack it until she’s in her room. 

She kicks of her shoes; they’re flats but her feet are still aching like a mother. The meeting with the young genius author had actually gone pretty well, and she is fairly confident she’ll be bringing back a golden goose to her bosses in Seattle.

Ana turns on the TV for company, sits on the bed and starts unpacking her new underwear. It’s actually three gorgeous, lacy, silk sets in light blue, grey and lavender. With the lavender one is a beautiful negligee that manages to be sexy and romantic the same time. Wow, this’ll be a month’s salary at least. But she’ll need it if she going to see more of Grey, a good investment in other words. She snorts.

The bag is not empty yet. There’s a wrapped package with her name on it and curious she tears off the brown paper. Inside is a box with a printed card: Thought you might need this. I remember that you used to like it. Gail Taylor. Sweet, sweet Gail. The box contains a luxurious shower cream, body lotion, shampoo and conditioner of the kind that Christian used to have in his apartment. Probably still does. 

Ana opens the cap to the shower cream to smell it. Oh God, it’s like being back in Christian’s shower. Ana gets a clear picture in her mind of washing him so carefully when he had just started to let her touch him. How she tenderly used her hands to massage the shower cream onto his abdomen instead of the sponge. The pure awe of being the only person to be able to do that. Were they ever any closer than right then? And could they be that close again?

Using Gail’s gift while showering is nice but feels odd, like Christian should be in the shower with her. After blow drying her hair in the nude, a habit, she chooses the lavender set since she’s planning on wearing the negligee later on. She flushes when she thinks of Gail adding a sexy negligee to the order. 

Ana puts on a little bit more make-up than usual, making the most of her big eyes. She slips on a simple black sleeveless dress and she’s ready. She looks really good; eyes shining and dramatic, cheeks rosy and her hair is tumbling down her shoulders. It’s almost seven.

 

A/N

I have noticed while reading other FSOG-stories on FF that mine is probably a lot slower than most of them. There will be some drama at some point, every love story needs it, but I enjoy what goes on in the characters heads so much it makes the story build very slowly.

My question is if you, as a reader, mind that it’s slow? Should I pick up the pace? I want to write for you who follow my story at least as much as for me. 

To the Guest who claimed Sara has blue eyes – you made me uncertain so I read the story through and I can’t find a reference to her eye colour except that they are brown. She does look like her mother, but her eyes are a different colour. It’s there to remind us that there is another character present in the story even if he’s dead.

I’m very happy when you point out potential slips and mistakes – I really want the story to make sense.

To other guest who is still hoping that Christian is Sara’s real father – sorry, not going to happen. But is biology the most important thing? Christian himself is adopted.

Again, thanks to all of you lovely readers and reviewers. / Niftynickis  
Chapter fifteen

This week has been completely crazy. Good thing he doesn’t need much sleep. Christian started the week by taking Monday off, thinking he’d catch up at night. But little Sara had invited him to stay for dinner when he drove her and Ana home and he had ended up staying at their house way past midnight.

When Sara had gone to bed, he and Ana had enjoyed several hours on their own on the couch in front of the TV. No sex. He’s been trying to think back but he can’t remember them ever just spending an evening together knowing there wasn’t going to be any sex. Not counting the few occasions which he’d rather not think about, when Ana had been injured. Then again, to be fair, his memory of exactly what happened a decade ago might err a little.

It had been strangely uplifting, though. A turn-on in itself even. Ana and he had cuddled on the couch, TV down low so as to hear if Sara got up. They had kissed and touched and talked and looked at each other. And he’d found that he wasn’t annoyed at being hindered to do exactly what he wanted by the presence of a child in the house, which he had admittedly worried about.

Christian had actually found Sara to be fun. She was smart, a little precocious at times and she had a sense of humour. He felt quite relaxed in her presence and she in his. That was a relief; he knew kids could be both protective and possessive when it came to their parents. It was something he could certainly relate to, especially in regards to Ana.

When Sara went to bed he was chosen for the honour of listening to her read before lights out. She was an adept reader already; she would probably have to be with an editor for a mother. On her bedside table was a photograph of her father, Thomas. Christian had never really looked at him before, although there would surely have been photos of him in the yearly update on Ana provided to him by Welch. He had never wanted to look close, never knowing what he might do. 

It wasn’t a great photograph, a bit blurred and the colours were off, but Thomas Randall was laughing at the camera while sitting on a child’s swing with a toddler on his lap. The toddler, Sara presumably, was laughing too, a couple of teeth in her open mouth. Christian got why Sara would want this picture next to her, it had a happy feeling to it.

Thomas wasn’t a handsome man, although he probably had been considered to be cute or charming. His dark blonde hair was on the long side and he looked artsy. Christian had felt a disturbingly sharp jealousy flare up inside of him, almost taking his breath away. Sara, seeing that he was looking at the picture, had started telling Christian about her dad. Proudly, but also with a slight distance as if she was already remembering the stories about him rather than him. It was heart-breaking and the sudden, suffocating jealousy had surprised him again by giving way to sympathy, both for Sara and for her dead father. Thomas Randall was gone; he was never going to watch his daughter grow up.

When Christian and Ana met he had been her first in so many ways. And she had been his first in other ways. The fact that Christian was her first sexual partner was an honour he never took lightly, but it had also boosted his possessive streak even more. It felt like he was the one who discovered her; the rare gem that everybody else had just walked past by mistake. How could anyone possibly ever have any valid claim on her but him?

But of course, it was the other way around. Several men had noticed her and fallen head over heels before Christian came along. She’d said no.

She chose him. Ana had seen what others never had before in him, not the other way around. She had managed to tear down walls that he had thought to be impossible to penetrate. It was Anastasia Steele who had discovered the real Christian Grey and therefore she was the only one who could ever have any valid claim on his heart. 

And his possessiveness had been his downfall. He had wanted her so much to himself that he had refused to even consider starting a family. He had promised her that she would always have her heart’s desire. It turned out he’d only meant if he could buy it.

Before deciding whether to contact Ana or not, Christian had given a lot of thought into the fact that she was no longer only his in the sexual sense. Probably not even only his and Randall’s. Given how important that had seemed at the time of their relationship, and how the thought of her with someone else felt like a stab in the chest, would he even want her now?

In the end, he had realized that it wasn’t the amount of sexual partners that mattered, God knows he’d be in trouble, but who had Ana’s heart. And if Christian still had her heart, he would know that he’d had it the whole time. On top of that, he knew by experience that no matter how good sex was with anyone it couldn’t compete with the Ana-and-Christian combination.

The truth is Christian would always be jealous and he would always be possessive, just hopefully not to the extent bordering on the pathological. Despite feeling insanely jealous of Randall sometimes, he forgave him for having been married to Ana. If Christian was to have any chance of being part of her life, he would have to. And how could he not; if things were to go the way Christian wanted them to he would be the one helping Randall’s daughter with her homework, teaching her how to drive and seeing her graduate. That was a humbling thought.

 

Work is annoying the hell out of him; parts are missing for an important prototype he’s been working on for a long time and he is done being patient. A lunch meeting has been set up when the supplier will be told to step up or step out. Ros has wanted them to do it all week, but Christian has insisted on giving them an extra couple of days which he blames Ana for; he was just in too good a mood. He had been until today, when he found out he isn’t going to see her over the week end because she has a conference to go to in Toronto. She hasn’t told him which pisses him off, but just like him she isn’t used to telling anyone her plans. It had actually been kind of sweet; she’d said she forgot about it, being preoccupied with thinking about him, and only remembered when Ray had called to confirm that he was picking Sara up after school.

Just before it’s time to go to the conference room, Christian has a thought and he perks up considerably. But then again, maybe not. It’s the kind of thing he would have done ten years ago; he has serious doubts it would be appreciated now.

On the other hand, instead of surprising her he could just call her up and ask if she would have time to have dinner with him one of the nights if he flies in? Before he changes his mind he dials her number, and reaches her at the airport waiting for her flight. She’s happy to hear from him, there’s no doubt. Her voice is soft and subdued when she talks to him and he pictures her waiting in a lounge surrounded by people. Economy no doubt.

“I thought you were still catching up at work for playing hooky on Monday. What are you doing calling me?” He can hear her smile over the phone.

“Just wishing you a good flight.” He smiles back.

“You already did this morning. But I don’t mind, I miss you. I’m glad you called.”

“So am I. Listen, will you be very busy during the evening at this conference?” he asks, now looking at his watch. His assistant Christopher will come get him any minute.

“Uhm, I don’t know. There are a number of things I’m invited to but I haven’t confirmed anything yet. Sometimes I’m too tired to go and I just stay at the hotel. Why?” Christian can hear hope in her voice although she’s trying to hide it and his heart jumps. He’s going to see her! 

“Well, I happen to have a jet at my disposal. If you want and you have the time I would love to come over and take you out to dinner. Or eat in if you’re tired. Your call.” He holds up two fingers to Christopher who sticking his head in the door and mouthing something.

“Oh, I would love that.” She sounds so happy it makes him grin. “Which night, I’m flying home again on Sunday, so it’s really only tonight or tomorrow.”

“Which would you prefer?” Say tonight.

“Tonight, Christian, I can’t wait to see you,” she breathes over the phone.

“Text me the name of your hotel, I’ll be there around seven. If you’re not finished I’ll wait as long as it takes. Have a safe flight, Anastasia. I have to go. And be sure to nibble on something, I doubt we’ll make it through a long dinner.”

The last thing he hears before hanging up is Ana giggling and he gets a feeling he’s about to go easy on the moron supplier again. Better let Ros handle them. When he joins Christopher in the corridor he asks him to make sure the jet is ready in an hour and a half and to have Taylor swing by Escala for an overnight bag. Christian is going to Toronto for the weekend.

 

This is one of those things she enjoys less about her job. The Annual Toronto Book Fair is prestigious and extremely well-visited; all the major to smaller writers fight for the attention as do all the major to smaller publishing companies. Well, the major one’s don’t have to fight that hard obviously. Canadian television broadcasts all-day live author interviews and there are seminars and book-signing events.

Luckily other people from her company are in charge of promotional events and thus the ubiquitous smiling while backstabbing. Ana is not a mingler – she loves books and intelligent authors and she’s good at finding them. She’s here to meet with several promising authors and to make sure a few signed ones are happy with their representation. Meeting them all here over a couple of days is effective.

This year though, it’s not at all the drag it usually is. Christian is coming tonight and today she only has a few hours of work to do, so the hours will fly by. Her not turning up for the social events of the evening will be noticed by few and is not required. She’s better at doing her job in one-on-one meetings anyway, her employer knows that.

The only problem is that she hasn’t packed for a date. Her packing is professional; smart enough but comfortable, a must for the seasoned fair-attendee. So no fancy dining tonight, but that’s ok, she’d rather eat at the hotel anyway. But holy fuck, her underwear. She only packed slightly over-washed but extremely comfy cotton underwear. Either she will be forced to undress in the bathroom so Christian can’t see or she’ll have to buy some new. But when will she have the time and where? She doesn’t know Toronto that well. Ask at the hotel reception later, she’ll do that.

Her first meeting is with a 65-year old woman named Lisa Travis and Ana adores her. The woman is full of intelligent irony covering her own life with husband, grown-up children and friends. She always shares her stories generously with Ana, who in turn encourages Mrs. Travis to incorporate them into her books. Mrs. Travis is a wonderful story-teller and they always have fun. 

While writing up her notes on her laptop after the meeting she suddenly has an idea. Could she ask Taylor …? Ana has a feeling it would be completely inappropriate, but on the other hand Christian wouldn’t have to know. 

Before changing her mind, and flushing a deep crimson, she dials the number to Escala. She doesn’t have Taylors number and she knows Christian doesn’t usually pick up the land line. She’s right; Gail answers the phone. Ana looses track for a moment; it’s so odd to hear that familiar voice from so long ago.

Gail is happy to hear from her, but not as surprised as Ana thought she’d be. But of course Taylor has told his wife that she and Christian are … back in touch. After exchanging pleasantries for a while, an embarrassed Ana explains the situation as discreetly as she can. Gail immediately becomes efficient, asking for measurements and size. When the details are finalized Ana apologizes for causing Gail extra work and gives her home address so she can send the bill.  
“Oh, dear. That’s what I’m here for. Anything I can do to help. And … both Mr. Taylor and I are very happy that you are back in Mr. Grey’s life, Mrs. Randall.” Wow, that woman can get a lot of mr: s and mrs: s into one sentence.

“Thank you so much Mrs. Taylor. I’ll definitely owe you one,” Ana says gratefully. Gail just laughs and they say goodbye.

Clean underwear, preferably somewhat hotter that her washed-out cottons, will be at the hotel waiting when she gets back. Mission accomplished. Now she can relax and maybe even not cringe during the next meeting, which is with a young male author. He’s only twenty-one but he’s extremely talented and Ana wants to represent him if they can find a satisfying way to work together. The problem is that he’s full of himself already. The first time they met the little shit came on to her and Ana knows exactly the kind of writer he’ll become with fame. Think Californication. And fame will come, she’s sure of it. His agent is a decent one and if they can sort the kid out now, they might be able to steer him somewhat on the right path. If not, he’ll have to be someone else’s problem; Ana doesn’t deal with screw-ups, no matter how talented. 

She’s cleared the afternoon for him and his agent, but hopefully they won’t be more than a couple of hours, which should give her ample time to shower and change before Christian gets to Toronto.

 

At the hotel reception desk Ana picks up a large brown paper bag. It looks like it contains more than panties and a bra but she waits to unpack it until she’s in her room. 

She kicks of her shoes; they’re flats but her feet are still aching like a mother. The meeting with the young genius author had actually gone pretty well, and she is fairly confident she’ll be bringing back a golden goose to her bosses in Seattle.

Ana turns on the TV for company, sits on the bed and starts unpacking her new underwear. It’s actually three gorgeous, lacy, silk sets in light blue, grey and lavender. With the lavender one is a beautiful negligee that manages to be sexy and romantic the same time. Wow, this’ll be a month’s salary at least. But she’ll need it if she going to see more of Grey, a good investment in other words. She snorts.

The bag is not empty yet. There’s a wrapped package with her name on it and curious she tears off the brown paper. Inside is a box with a printed card: Thought you might need this. I remember that you used to like it. Gail Taylor. Sweet, sweet Gail. The box contains a luxurious shower cream, body lotion, shampoo and conditioner of the kind that Christian used to have in his apartment. Probably still does. 

Ana opens the cap to the shower cream to smell it. Oh God, it’s like being back in Christian’s shower. Ana gets a clear picture in her mind of washing him so carefully when he had just started to let her touch him. How she tenderly used her hands to massage the shower cream onto his abdomen instead of the sponge. The pure awe of being the only person to be able to do that. Were they ever any closer than right then? And could they be that close again?

Using Gail’s gift while showering is nice but feels odd, like Christian should be in the shower with her. After blow drying her hair in the nude, a habit, she chooses the lavender set since she’s planning on wearing the negligee later on. She flushes when she thinks of Gail adding a sexy negligee to the order. 

Ana puts on a little bit more make-up than usual, making the most of her big eyes. She slips on a simple black sleeveless dress and she’s ready. She looks really good; eyes shining and dramatic, cheeks rosy and her hair is tumbling down her shoulders. It’s almost seven.


	16. Chapter 16

They’re on the bed, naked and glued to each other. Ana’s head is resting on his chest, her fingers circling the white marks. It doesn’t bother him in the least; he didn’t even think twice about it when Ana asked if she could touch the scars, like she used to. On the contrary, her fingers haven’t lost the magic touch. Just like then, her touch calms his nerves and makes the mental pain that is always present at the back of his mind subside. He’s never understood it and he already stopped questioning it back then; he’s just grateful.

“Anastasia.” Christian speaks softly, afraid to ruin the moment.

“M-hm?” She sounds sleepy, her voice a bit hoarse. He kisses her forehead. 

“Would you mind terribly if I stay tomorrow night as well? I could work from here while you’re at the fair.” 

“You’re staying. I’m not letting you leave. Besides I think you’re good for morale. I seem to cope better with annoying people with you in the vicinity.” 

Christian snorts. “I know what you mean.”

They go quiet again and soon Ana’s fingers stop circling his scars. She’s probably fallen asleep although it’s still early and he will too soon. He can already feel how well he’ll sleep tonight.

“Anastasia?” At first she’s quiet but then replies with a grunt. “I’m falling in love with you all over again.”

Ana raises her head from his chest to look at him. “I thought you never stopped?” she says quietly.

“I know, I didn’t. But still it feels like I’m falling head over heels.” 

Ana puts her hand on his cheek, pulling his face closer to hers. “Christian, I feel the same way.” She kisses him, he kisses her back. “So I want to say this; it’s way to fast all of this, but I don’t really care.” She sits up in the bed and Christian knows the romantic moment is gone and they are about to talk serious shit. It’s all over her.

“It’s not like I can help myself anyway”, she mutters and Christian laughs quietly. She looks completely adorable in the soft light from the evening city outside the windows, with the tousled, brown mess of hair framing her face. He only wishes she wasn’t so shy to be naked in front of him, she didn’t used to be. But she won’t undress until the lights are out and now she’s clenching the sheet to her chest. He loves the way she looks and he has to make sure he tells her often, until she believes him.

“And that’s the problem. If we were to take it easy things would develop slowly and we would work things out as we went, but now …,” she hesitates. “I just want to know if we have a plan? I mean could we even have a plan after seeing each other a couple of weeks? But if I let myself go and you change your mind …” Ana looks down and starts rubbing her thumb on an invisible stain on the sheet.

Doesn’t she know? Christian sits up and pulls her onto his lap.

“Ana, last week when we made love for the first time in … I told you my plan. I don’t need to think about it, I don’t need time. If we slow things down it’s because you tell me it’s necessary for Sara’s sake or whatever reason, but I am not letting you go this time. As long as you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t want you to, Christian. I would want to just let go and let myself believe that everything will be fine as long as were together. But I have baggage – a long marriage and an eight-year old with a dead father. I don’t even know how you feel about that? I mean, really feel about it? If you’re going to be involved in Sara’s life there will be a lot of talking about Thomas, pictures, mementos … and I’m afraid you’ll suddenly weird out on me … us. I don’t know if you’ll be able to handle it? It’s who you are and I love that part of you with everything else, but I’m not sure how it works with … the current situation.”

So, she thinks Christian is going to go ape shit because he’ll be jealous of Thomas. And of course, she’s not completely wrong. He’s glad she brought this up; it clearly needs to be addressed.

“Did you know that Sara and I already talked about Thomas? She told me a bit about him when I put her to bed.” Christian starts slowly.

“No?” Ana looks up and meets his eyes again. He gets the feeling she also thinks he might be angry at her for bringing this up this subject. God, what did he do to her ten years ago? He holds her tighter.

“I got jealous at first as I can’t bear to think of you with somebody else. Sara never noticed though, and we had a nice conversation. Ana, these days I am much better at controlling my temper and my jealous streak. Anyway it’s my issue and something I have to work on. If it starts to affect you or Sara, I’ll deal with it. Do not worry about this please; it would break my heart if I knew you’re afraid to be yourselves in front of me, just dreading my reaction if Sara talks about her father. I’m not going to let that happen.”

He can feel Ana relax in his lap; this must have been a weight on her mind and difficult to bring up. Again, he feels proud of her for being such a protective mother and ballsy. 

“As long as I know you’re mine, Anastasia, I’ll do anything to make sure we work out,” Christian whispers in her hair. “We’re ten years older and we don’t need go through the same bullshit as last time. Let’s stop wasting time and just be together. Let yourself go, baby. I’ll catch you.”

To his surprise, Ana lets go of the sheet, turns in his lap and straddles him. He’s already hard, how could he not be with Ana in his lap?

She takes him gently and eases him inside her, not making a sound. Christian moans, turned on by the surprise but confused; they were having a pretty serious conversation, after all. He has no problem going with the flow, though. He’s flexible.

As Ana moves her hips slowly, her elbows rest on Christian’s shoulders and her fingers are buried in his hair. He keeps her pace steady with his hands on her buttocks and although they just started he can fell her getting close already. Ana pulls his hair hard and puts her mouth to his ear, breathy and hoarse.

“Nothing turns me on like you loving me. Help me let myself go, Christian.”

 

They’ve ordered room service, since they never got as far as going to dinner. With pleasure, he watches Ana devour a burger. She must be starving. He’s hungry too and he wishes he’d gone for the burger also, instead of the tiny piece of fish on his plate.

They’re sitting on the floor in t-shirts, each with a beer, and it’s more romantic than any restaurant he could have picked. And they don’t have to behave.

“So tell me about Nicole,” Ana says in between mouthfuls. She’s also feeding Christian her chips, after seeing him glance at her plate repeatedly.

He startles. “Why, what do you want to know?” he asks apprehensively. Where is this going?

“Don’t worry,” she smiles. “There’s no reason other than it’s nice to know more about what you’ve been doing the last decade. We have a lot to cover, but I think I’d like to start with Nicole. I mean, you dated her quite a while and she knows Kate and Elliot. Are they friends?”

In other words; will she show up at places they will go to? If it was him, he’d like to know that too. He decides to tell her everything she wants to know.

“No, they’re not fiends. In the year and a half we dated I took her to dinner at Elliot’s maybe four times. As far as I know that’s the only time they’ve met her, apart from a couple of times at other functions.”

Ana nods, satisfied. “Have Carrick and Grace met her?”

“Yes, they met her a couple of times, but only at bigger functions that required a date. I never took her to a family dinner.” He looks at Ana, she seems fine. Not jealous really. Still, he kind of likes that she cares about this, it evens the playing field a bit.

Ana nods again and keeps on eating. Christian is kind of hoping she’ll be full soon. It’s a big burger and he wouldn’t mind finishing it. 

“How did she react when you told her you weren’t going to see her anymore? Was she ok with it?

Christian makes a face. “Not so much.” 

Ana looks at him questioningly and waves for him to continue, mouth full.

“Ok, so I thought we had a mutual agreement going. I was always very clear on how I looked at it. But apparently she’s been waiting for me to ask her to marry me.”

Ana coughs and splutters mall pieces of bread and burger over her own lap. Grabbing a napkin, she hands the half-eaten burger to Christian, who gratefully accepts.

“Christian! That’s quite a discrepancy!”

“Isn’t it, though? I thought so too, and I questioned how the fuck she had interpreted what I’ve said her to me wanting marriage? She said that all her friends had similar relationships. One day it was time to settle down and then you just married someone suitable, career-wise, appearance-wise and financially. Apparently she and I were a perfect match. Everyone she knew said so.”

His voice has a disitnct tone of disdain. Ana stares at him. “Wow, your world is so different from mine, Christian.”

“Ana, it’s not my world. I visit from time to time, but trust me when I say I don’t fit in. Anyway, apparently I have now wasted a year and a half of Nicole’s life and thus diminished her chances of finding a suitable husband. There’s no telling what she has to settle for now.”

Now Ana looks sympathetic. “Poor Nicole.” Christian just shakes his head, but hides a smile. It’s typical Ana.

“So you think there’s any risk she’ll come after us with a gun? Or a whip?”

He looks up from the burger to check if she’s serious, but she has that cute mischievous look that he loves. He gives her a small smile.

“No, that’s not her style. She and her friends are more socially lethal than anything. They’ll slander me until it’s not in their interest to do so anymore.”

He takes a bite of the hamburger. “It’ll be tough. You know how much I care about my reputation among women.” Christian’s voice is dripping with irony. He pulls a face of disgust, making Ana laugh out loud.

 

When they’ve finished eating they take a quiet shower together, washing each other slowly just like they used to do. He gets to see her this time, although she did turn the dimmer down in the bathroom. Christian enjoys every second; this is another thing he didn’t remember that he’s been missing and he gets warm all over when he realizes that this will probably happen a lot from now on. The many, many wonderful details of their previous life together that he’ll be delightfully reminded of. 

Back in bed, they each try to do a bit of work before turning in. Ana’s reading up on her notes for tomorrow’s meetings, and Christian goes through his emails and returns some calls. It’s Friday night so he keeps the calls to a minimum; even though he knows and demands that his employees do their job whenever he needs them to, he also knows they perform better and are more loyal if he treats their private lives with respect. Just because work is everything to Christian he’s aware that it doesn’t apply to everyone. And maybe it won’t apply to him much longer. So anything that can wait until Monday, will.

Turning off the lights, they lie in bed facing each other. Christian tries to imagine how it would feel to fall asleep like this every night. Ana’s huge eyes glinting in the dark, the faint warmth of her breath on his arm, the sound of her rubbing her feet to get them warm – she always had cold feet. 

“Tell me about Sara,” he says suddenly. “And don’t be afraid to mention Thomas, I’m fine. Believe me; I’m so fine right now.” He reaches in and kisses her, but pulls back to let her speak. Instead he starts playing with her hair.

“Yeah, sure.” She doesn’t seem sure where to start so he helps her.

“Tell me more about what she likes to do.”

“Ok. She’s very into soccer for some reason, not watching it so much, but she likes to play. I know she can look fragile, but she’s seriously tough on the field.” 

Christian laughs and Ana smiles. She doesn’t sound proud as much as surprised at her daughter’s talents. “I don’t find soccer fun at all, but I love to watch Sara play.”

“She’s very social, finds friends easily, but her best friend is Eric who lives on our street. They’re in the same class, but they never played together until last year when they found an injured bird on their way home from school. The other kids thought it was disgusting apparently, but Eric and Sara took it to his place and they cared for it for a few days. Sara was spending all her free time with Eric and the bird.”

Ana’s looking at Christian warily and he thinks she’s wondering whether this can really interest him. It does and he nods encouragement. Ana shrugs and continues.

“Then one morning the bird was dead. It was all very traumatic and the kids organised a funeral to which I and Eric’s parents were invited. The funeral was, at least in thought, very inspired by her father’s. For obvious reasons Sara was more devastated than Eric, but he came home with her after school almost every day and they talked about Thomas and the bird and death. And they played of course. Had more funerals. A few Monster High dolls got to bite the dust.” She gives Christian a sad smile and he pats her arm gently.

“I think she found more comfort in talking to Thomas than to grown-ups, and the bird dying became a sort of metaphor for Thomas’ death which gave them a way to approach it. Anyway, they’re inseparable now.” Ana snorts. “Wow, that’s a bit more than you asked for.”

“No, no, it’s perfect,” Christian reassures her. “I want to get to know her. And it’s like you said; the more we know about each other the better. Anyway, it’s a melancholic but sweet way of finding a best friend, I think.”

“I do too.” Ana kisses him, several times and inches closer to him. “I meant to ask you something, but you have to promise to tell me if you think it’s too soon? Because I want you to be comfortable.”

Christian raises his eyebrows, but nods.

“Would you like to do something with Sara on your own? You know, go to the movies or whatever. Something simple.”

Christian’s surprised. He would have thought this was one of those things that would have to wait. But he trusts Ana’s judgement; it’s her daughter.

“Yes, I would like that,” he says humbly. “If you don’t think it’s too early and Sara wants to herself?”

Ana shakes her head. “No I don’t think it’s too early, it can’t do any harm. You two are good together already; she’s comfortable with you. I think it’s easier for you to get to know each other without me tagging along. But again, only if you feel comfortable and want to, Christian.”

“Ana, please. I want to. And I’m not exactly new to hanging out with kids, although I realize that would be a surprise to many. On top of that, Sara seems to have fallen for my charms already. We’ll be fine.” 

Ana slaps his head lovingly. “No one resists, do they?”

“You’ve tried but failed a few times if I recall. But then again, when it came to you I really put my mind to it. Once I saw you there was no going back.”

“I know, baby,” Ana says, yawning now. “My first meeting isn’t until ten tomorrow. Are you going to let me sleep in the morning?” She nudges his chest with her finger.

“No. And I’m not letting you sleep now.”


	17. Chapter 17

I'ts Monday morning and Ana is sitting on the porch of her house, a large coffee in her hand, watching the life of the neighborhood around her. On sunny days this is her favorite spot to have her morning coffee.

She's dressed in dungarees and planning to spend part of the day in the garage working on the chair. She wants to give it to Ray on his birthday and it's only two weeks away. Ray doesn’t really need a chair and he could certainly make an equally beautiful piece of furniture from scratch. But this particular chair had Ray written all over it when Ana found it and she's put her heart and soul into making it perfect. She wants to give him something special and personal this year.

Ray has been her rock, even more so than ever, since Thomas' death. He always helps out with Sara whenever Ana needs it, he saw her through the funeral arrangements. He even drives to Seattle for Sara's soccer games now and again, and keeps himself updated on her achievements in school.

Ana wonders what Ray would think if he knew about Christian. Then again, he might already know that Christian is back in her life; more likely than not Sara has mentioned him during her weekend at Ray's. He probably won't say anything until Ana brings is up, which is just as well; she's not ready to talk about her and Christian yet. Or define what they have out loud.

The weekend she just spent with Christian was magic and when she's with him everything appears very clear and simple. But when on her own again her thoughts start running amok and she gets anxious. It pisses her off – it like her brain is trying to identify every single problem that could occur and solve it before it even happens. It's exhausting.

Christian has changed in ten years, it's obvious. His confidence goes deeper than before and he seems more at ease, like he's accepting himself finally. When she said she never stopped loving him he believed her without question; she seems to feel much more insecure than he does.

But if she gets hurt it's one thing; Sara is another matter entirely. If Ana brings in a man in her daughters life it's very likely that Sara will want that man to … not replace her father … but certainly take on fatherly duties. Ana has seen the need for attention in her daughter's eyes when she's around both Elliot and Christian. It's surely completely unconscious, but there's no doubt Sara is looking for a father figure. So if Christian wants the job, which he implies he does, it's important that he stays. Then again, Christian never left her, did he? 

What's eating her is not really whether Christian would be a stayer or not. He is. But he used to be so controlling and possessive. Ana can handle it, she always could, but how would it affect Sara? Of course Christian says he'd never let it, and perhaps Ana should trust him on that.

If she considers a relationship with one of America's wealthiest men from her own point of view she has no issues; she's done it before and knows what it entails for herself. But what if, for example, it puts Sara in the spotlight from the media at some point? Ana doesn’t want that kind of life for her daughter; the two of them are happier being nobodies. She can't help but think of poor Nicole – what a sad life. The question is: will Sara be safer with Grey and all his resources in her life or could she become a potential target?

On the other hand, Ana has to admit to herself that all of these points are moot. How could she ever stay away from Christian Grey now? She's loved him for so long and now he's back and wants to be with her. All this time apart and yet they still love each other? They have no choice than to just figure it out as they go along. So how come she can't just relax and stop analyzing everything? 

Well, that's why she has a workshop in the garage. As a seasoned over thinker, she's managed to find a way to deal with her brain overheating. 

She finishes her coffee and gets up, a bit stiff from sitting on the stone stairs. It's time to get to work. And what she really needs to figure out, instead of worrying about things that don’t make a difference, is when and how to tell Sara that mommy's dating. Since she and Christian sort of decided they're doing this, she's not comfortable with sneaking around Sara. 

If Ana's mother had been alive Ana would have talked to her; she certainly had the experience. Now it's either Kate or Ray and at the moment she isn't comfortable with either.

Leaving the empty coffee mug in the sink, she grabs an apple. She's just about to go to the garage when there's a knock on the door. Ana sighs, hoping it will be quick; she wants to get going on Ray's chair.

It's Christian. Doesn’t he ever just call before coming over? Give her a chance to change and look good just once?

“Christian? What are ...”

Christian interrupts her. “Is Sara in school?” He sounds slightly out of breath.

“Yes, of course.” Ana's confused, why would he ask that, could something be wrong?

“Good,” he snaps, “'cause this is an emergency.”

He walks through the door forcing Ana to take a few steps back; she's seriously worried now. Christian closes the front door, turns and grabs her by her upper arms.

“Christian, please tell me ...” Ana starts but is quieted by Christian pulling her close and kissing her hard. When he finally lets her mouth go she has to catch her breath.

“Jesus, fuck I missed you, Ana,” he mumbles. “And you're wearing those again …” he adds, almost moaning.

Ana looks at him in disbelief. “So nothing's wrong? You come over and scare the shit out of me ...”

Again he interrupts.

“Of course something's wrong. I missed you so much I couldn't work. I can't concentrate. I keep seeing you in front of me in that little negligee and just-fucked hair and it's driving me insane.”

Ana smiles. No way she can be upset with him.

“That does sound like an emergency.” Just to tease him she bites her lip. He groans.

“That's not even the worst part.” Christian sounds almost guilty. “I keep on getting this fear that you're going to slip away again.”

There he is; her insecure Christian. 

“Well, in that case I'm glad you came over to check,” she says warmly. “And as you can see I'm right here and I won't be going anywhere. Not without you at least.”

He grabs her waist and lifts her so her face is level to his and she wraps her legs around him. He kisses her and smiles.

“So now we're doing this, right? It's you and me now, no doubts?”

“You know me, I'll always worry about a million things. Especially when it comes to Sara. But I'd like us to do this.”

Christian kisses her again, longer and deeper this time.

“You know me Anastasia. You know I'll do all in my power to make sure Sara has everything she needs.”

“Christian, I know. But we'll come to that conversation eventually.” He looks at her questioningly. Ana shakes her head and leans back. “So I understand you like these.” She looks down on her dungarees, paint-stained and with the odd tear. “Can't say I blame you; they're seriously hot.”

“Right? The thought of you sweaty and dirty, with a power tool in your hands ...” He groans again.

Ana giggles. “Somebody's gotta do the drilling in this family – there's no-one more white-collar than you, baby.”

Ana stiffens. Oh shit. She just said family. But Christian just looks at her, gray eyes shining and a small smile playing on his lips.

“So which way to the garage, Miss Steele? I'm going to show you my excellent drilling skills.”

In the garage? Another first, then.

 

Ana and Christian have been back together for two months. Apart from Elliot and Kate, who only have a vague idea, no family or friends know. It's been easy to keep their meetings secret – since Ana works from home a lot and Christian doesn't have a boss they see each other during the day. 

It's been lovely. Mostly the two of them have been staying at her place, but a few times they've done little outings. Once they've had lunch at Escala, which Gail prepared for them. Ana feels a little closer to Gail now that they share a secret; she couldn't help but hug her when they arrived at the penthouse, after the delicious lunch and before Christian drove her home. The abundant hugging only resulted in a raised, and amused, eyebrow from Christian.

Ana's been neglecting her social life completely; luckily that means mostly Kate and Ray, but she has a few more friends she tries to keep in touch with. But she's had to work evenings to catch up what she's postponed to spend time with Christian. Ana knows he's been doing the same thing, but then he always works anyway.

Christian had also made time to do something with Sara. Since her daughter's been nagging Ana to take her back to Christian's prototype farm to see the lambs, that's where he took her. Which completely won Sara over, obviously. She came back with an “adoption certificate” for the two lambs, for her to share with Jamie. Apparently the “adoption” means that Sara and Jamie have to visit the animals from time to time, to make sure they are being well taken care of. Sara is very proud, and the certificate has been featured in a show-and-tell at school. 

It feels really good. They've had a lot of time on their own for talking, kissing, making love and more talking. Together they've been silly and serious and, quite often, breathless. It's been a perfect bubble, but now they have to take the next step and tell everyone beginning with Sara. To wait longer would just risk her finding out the wrong way.

Ana will tell Sara tonight. She doesn't think there will be a problem – her daughter thinks of Christian as awesome after the deal with the lambs. Still Ana's a tad nervous.

Sara comes in from playing around six with Eric in tow. It' Friday so the kids want to have a sleep-over at either house. Ana says no since she's made plans for them to have a night for themselves, which causes Sara to throw a minor tantrum. Not the best start.

They compromise and Eric stays for dinner after which Ana and Sara walk him home. It's a beautiful, warm summer's evening and Ana's enjoying the two eight-year olds' theories on space travel. Since she knows nothing about the subject and can't answer their questions, they're left to speculate freely. The sleep-over drama from earlier is forgotten.

 

When Eric is safely deposited at home and they're back at their house Ana and Sara cozy up on the couch with tea and crisps – their Friday Night Special. At first they talk about their day a little but eventually Ana steers the conversation toward Christian. She asks what Sara thinks of him; the answer is nice and cool.

“I'm glad you like him, because Christian and I have started seeing each other. As in he's my boyfriend.” Ana says carefully.

“Okay.” Sara nods, eyes in the crisp bowl.

“You feel fine with that? Anything you want to ask me?” Ana looks closely at her daughter. Sara didn't even flinch when she told her.

“No.” Shake this time. But then she looks up at Ana, her eyes suspicious. “Does that mean that you will be kissing him all the time? With your tongue?” 

She looks disgusted. To her and Eric kissing is the most vile thing in the world right now. They have to cover their eyes for movie-kisses.

Ana coughs, trying to stifle her laugh by pretending to choke on her tea.

“No, Sara, no tongue-kissing, I promise. I might give him a little kiss sometimes and we might hold hands or hug sometimes. I hope you think that's okay?” Ana is serious again.

Sara nods, she can live with that. They go quiet and Sara asks if they can turn the TV on. She seems to have lost interest. This was very undramatic, much more so than not getting to have a friend sleep over.

After few minutes Ana relaxes and mentally starts to compose a text message to Christian, letting him know that all went well. And that they gladly will accompany him to Bellevue tomorrow. Then she'll be seeing Grace and Carrick for the first time in ten years and they will meet Sara. Another thing to be nervous about; considering how they back then more or less looked upon Ana as Christian's savior, they must have been pretty upset with her for leaving him. 

But all these steps have to be taken for them to be together. Next in line will be Ray. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by Sara.

“Christian used to be your boyfriend before I was born. Grandpa told me. Then you married dad.”

Ana stops breathing for a moment. Where is this going? Her daughter's train of thought can be very unpredictable at times and it's difficult to know what's coming next. 

Sara's eyes are back on the TV. 

“If I get married ...” Sara's yet undecided on the merits of marriage, “… and my husband dies, maybe Eric can be my boyfriend.” 

She takes a few more crisps while she ponders this. She seems to like the idea. “But there will be no kissing whatsoever.”


	18. Chapter 18

The phone call Christian had placed to his mother earlier this afternoon went as well as could be expected. He'd called to let her know that they could expect two more to dinner. Grace had sounded very excited at first – he so rarely brings anyone. Excitement had been replaced by shock when he'd told her who it was. 

His mother was rarely one to be rendered speechless. But when Christian told her who he was bringing the other end of the line went dead silent. Except for the imaginary noise he was hearing from his mother's brain scrambling to find something appropriate to say. In hindsight he could have prepared his parents better, but he'd been reluctant to say anything before he and Ana knew how things would go with Sara. And now he's eager instead - he wants everyone to know Ana and him are together again. 

Anyway, Grace and Carrick will be very happy about Anastasia being back in the Grey family given time. Meanwhile they will treat her impeccably, the perfect hosts that they are, not to mention dote upon Sara. 

When Ana left Christian his parents had been confused and heart-broken along with him. She was after all on the verge of being canonized by his family. Eventually Christian had told Grace why Ana left – he had to; his mother wouldn't leave him alone about it. That didn't go in his favor. Grace hadn't only lost a beloved potential daughter-in-law, but suddenly any future grand-children from her youngest son, since it turned out he had driven the love of his life away for refusing to see himself as a father someday.

For several weeks she hadn't spoken to him. Not that he had cared in the least at the time; he'd been lost in his own grief and self-pity. Then, finally noticing how Christian had completely shut down, she'd switched to worried-mother-hyper drive instead. For a year, no less, until he slowly had reached some sort of equilibrium and started being able to face his family again. 

Grace and Carrick had probably expected Christian to fall in love again given time, now that Ana had “fixed” him. He'd known better though and accepted it. He wasn't even interested in finding out if he was capable of loving anybody else. There would always only ever be one person for him, whether she was with him or not.

And, sweet fuck, now she is. Anastasia is his again. And he will fucking worship the ground she walks on until the day he dies.

The phone on is desk rings and he glances at it. Shit, it's Mia. Obviously news travel fast, but he can't deal with her now. He's about to pick Ana and Sara up in forty-five minutes and he needs to change. Grace will make sure Mia gets the full update on how the evening went, no doubt. 

Walking from the study to the bedroom he looks around the apartment – the sparsely furnished big room, the Seattle skyline outside the huge windows, the investment pieces on the white walls. It's strange, but it's as if he's seeing it all for the first time. To his surprise he doesn't like it very much. It's as if he hasn't really paid attention to where he lives the past years. 

Before he met Ana the apartment had been his refuge and after her leaving it was just … somewhere he ate and slept – or tried to sleep. Now it feels wrong; this apartment is not him anymore. Ana's house comes to mind; several would fit in his apartment, yet it's so much more comfortable than this … shell. Maybe it's time to start looking for something else, if not overdue.

While he's changing his phone rings again and it's Mia, again. Christian hasn't talked to her for nearly two months – although he's been preoccupied his little sister has been worse; at least he's tried to reach her a couple of times. But right now there's no time to do all the necessary explaining, and Mia will want to know the whole story. Not that he will tell her everything; he's not a confider, but she'll try to make him talk all the same and that will take time.

…. …. …. 

 

Despite Christian's reassurances that everything will go smoothly, Ana's terribly nervous when they arrive at Bellevue. Kate, Elliot and the kids will be here as well, but they belong and have for many years. The last time Ana was here she belonged too – now she's an outsider. The feeling is unsettling – how everything can be just as it was then, but still totally different. She's always felt like a traitor when it comes to the Grey family and she never thought she would see them again, let alone visit their house.

Ana is glad Sara is with them, it puts a little less focus on herself, knowing how much particularly Grace loves kids.

When the three of them get out of the car and walk towards the entrance, Ana's fidgeting with her shoulder bag, straightening her dress and her hair, and coughing. Both Christian and Sara seem to sense how unsettled she is and both of them grab her hands.

When Grace and Carrick open the front door to greet them – the occasion seems to call for it – that's what they see. Christian, Ana and Sara holding hands, with Ana in the middle. 

Grace wobbles slightly and grabs her husbands arm for support. What happens next is unexpected, but reminds Ana very much of the first time she visited this house. Grace quickly walks out to meet them and gives Ana a long, hard hug.

“My dear, dear girl,” she whispers in her ear. “It's so good to see you.” 

Letting go, she takes Ana's face in her hands and gives her a big smile. It looks very sincere, so Ana reciprocates, just now realizing how much she's missed Christian's family. And with her own mother gone now, being hugged by Grace is comforting.

Next Grace hugs Sara, warmly welcoming her to Bellevue. As she takes Sara's hand to show her where the other kids are playing, she turns and gives Christian a look which is so full of motherly love it actually makes him avert his eyes shyly. But he's smiling.

Carrick acts like Ana's never left, giving her a hug and kisses both her cheeks. He shakes Sara's hand and introduces himself as Ella and Jamie's famous grandpa. He doesn't say why he's famous.

…. …. ….

It's a nice, relaxed dinner and Ana finds she's enjoying herself in the bosom of the Grey family. She gets to answer inquiries on where she lives and works, as well as on Ray's health. They seem to know that her mother past, maybe through Kate or Christian. But that's all, and she and Sara are not given more attention than anybody else around the table. Ana is grateful.

The happiest person in the room is Christian by far, who looks like he just won first prize. He and Ana are seated with Sara in between them and a lot of Christian's attention is directed at her daughter during dinner, although his eyes seek Ana's constantly, making sure she's comfortable. Her daughter and Christian have animated discussions about everything and nothing which gives Ana a fuzzy feeling, located somewhere in her chest.

It's a balmy evening and they all move outside after finishing dinner. Ana and Kate sit in a corner on the patio and catch up a bit; they haven't seen each other for a couple of months and Kate is dying to know what's going on. She seems happy enough for them and claims Elliot is ecstatic for his brother. They even joke that their kids could call themselves cousins now.

Christian has gone inside to Grace's study to check emails and voice messages since he always shuts off his phone during family dinners. He's only been gone ten minutes when he comes back, a grim look on his face. Ana looks at him questioningly, but he ignores her and walks over to Grace, Carrick and Elliot and sits down. 

Christian´s news cannot be good; Ana sees how Grace puts her hand over her mouth and Carrick runs his fingers through his hair – just like his son does when stressed. Elliot is the most expressive, letting out a loud “Fuck!” 

They all scramble out of their chairs at the same time, having agreed on something it seems. Christian comes over to Ana and Kate, while the others go in to the house.

“Time to go home,” he states in his most bossy-Christian manner. “I'll tell you what's going on in the car, now I have some calls to make. We leave in five minutes.” 

Five minutes. Ana better get started on getting Sara to come, that can sometimes take considerably longer if she's having fun. With a knot of worry in her stomach, she goes to get Sara. Kate comes, probably as worried as Ana but seemingly mostly upset that her husband didn't come directly to her to say what's happening.

When they find the kids it turns out there are sleep-over plans being made again and Kate quickly agrees to Sara staying at their place.

“I'll take it from here,” Kate says grumpily. “Go check what's up with the Greys, I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

Ana silently wonders if this is common behavior from the Greys, since Kate seems to take it almost personally. She gives her friend and all the kids hugs all around, Sara gets a kiss goodnight. 

 

Driving back to the city, Christian finally omits what's going on. Apparently, Mia's husband has been arrested for insider trading and Mia taken in for questioning. His sister is scared witless, but claims she has no idea what's going on. Christian has already called his lawyers telling them to get Mia the best representation possible in Sydney and Taylor is taking Grace and Carrick to the airport.

“Aren't you going as well?” Ana asks, slightly ashamed over hoping he's staying here. Being selfish while Mia's husband's in custody. Nice, Anastasia.

“No, I can do more to help Mia from here than I could from Sydney. She'll have my parents' company.” 

Christian's knuckles are whitening from how hard he's grabbing the steering wheel and he's driving fast. Not towards Ana's neighborhood; maybe he's forgetting. She hesitates to remind him though; he must be worried sick, but looks and sounds furious.

Barely containing his anger, Christian says Mia's husband has always been a fuck-up. “I've bailed him out from disastrous business ventures more times than I care to count, Mia only knows about half of it. For some fucking reason she loves him, or thinks she does.” 

No wonder he's furious. And as always, he's finding reasons to blame himself. Although not saying it out loud Ana can sense it. Not sure what to say at the moment, she puts her hand on the back of his neck and gently caresses the hair line, twirling his soft hair between her fingers.

It helps, Christian visibly relaxes. “Do you mind coming back to Escala with me? If you want Taylor can take you home, but although I'll probably spend the evening on the phone I would love it if you could stay with me.” Now his tone is softer and Ana loves the way he chooses not to shut her out, but instead include her in the family emergency.

“Of course I'm staying, Christian.” It'll be her first night at Escala since they've been back together. It's about time.

He gently squeezes her knee appreciatively. “Thank you, baby.”

The rest of the drive is dedicated to calling people enjoying their weekend and having them get to work on finding out as much as possible about the latest ventures of Craig Brent and whether Mrs. Brent's name is anywhere to be found in the vicinity of those ventures. 

“You don't think Mia could be involved, do you?” Ana asks once Christian's made the last call. She finds it hard to believe, but then again she hasn't known Mia for a long time.

“No, not intentionally.” He shakes his head. “I've warned her so many times never to sign anything Craig asks her to without consulting me first. And it has happened a few times – him trying to put questionable assets in her name. I've told her not to sign and she hasn't as far as I know, but that piece of shit is a smooth talker.” Christian clenches his teeth as they enter the garage at Escala.

“That's not what worries me the most. Since Mia is his wife and Craig is the main contributor of the household,” he almost spits the last words out, “it's normal she would sign some papers now and then. I doubt she'd be held accountable for that.”

Christian parks the car and turns to Ana while taking her hands in his, squeezing them. When he talks his voice is dark with emotion.

“But I can’t stand the thought that my little nieces might grow up with their father in prison. And still, prison might be right where he belongs. I'm not that familiar with Australian law, but if they're keeping him in custody they probably have pretty good reasons.” 

Ana sees the little boy that used to be Christian in front of her. This is a sore spot for him, absentee parents. But this scenario is still very far from what he had to endure as a child.

“Hey,” she says softly, locking his gray eyes with her own, making sure he keeps looking at her. “I assume Mia is a good mother to her girls?” Christian nods, he seems to think so.

“That's the most important thing. And these kids have Grace and Carrick and you and Elliot, the list goes on. And maybe family on Craig's side too. They have so much love around them and they're still small. If he goes to prison, he will still have time to be a father to them when he's served his sentence. I'm not saying it won't affect them, but they will have lots of love and support. The girls will be fine, you all will make sure of it.”

Christian nods slowly and she can see the determination growing in is his eyes. Of course he will make sure of it.


	19. Chapter 19

Christian joins Ana in the TV-room where she's slouched on the sofa watching some show. He's exhausted and lies down and puts his head in her lap. The entire evening has been spent in the study on the phone trying to get a grip on the mess his sister is involved in. Nobody hardly knows anything yet, but at least he's got the lawyers going. The seventeen hour time-difference means that he's been able to catch people during working hours.

There's nothing more he can do for his sister now and tomorrow his parents will be there with her. Having Ana here relaxes him. Although he's been stressed out and angry during the past hours, just knowing that she's somewhere in the apartment keeps him grounded.

It's also odd having Ana here for the night. Seeing her walking around in his apartment is both sweet and bitter and adds to the feeling that he really should change his living arrangements. It's too much like going back in time to see her caressing the keys of the piano with her fingers, checking the fridge for a snack, opening a bottle of wine. In a way time has been standing still here.

Tonight Christian's going to share his bed with Ana all night long. Despite them having spent quite a lot of time together the past two months, they've only spent a few nights sleeping next to each other. Or entangled rather. Even in his sleep Christian clings to Ana, like he's afraid she'll disappear while he's sleeping. Which he is, except constantly. A part of him is waiting for the day when Ana will tell him she's changed her mind. No matter how well things seem to be going, no matter how many times she says she still loves him. 

Right at this moment though he can feel himself sinking into a well-needed relaxed state. On his back with his head in Ana's lap he closes his eyes while she caresses his hair slowly and absentmindedly. 

“I'm sorry about what's happening with Mia,” Ana says quietly and he can feel her watching him. Although it's not clear whether she's sorry for his sister's sake or for his. Maybe both. 

“You still assume a lot of responsibility for everybody else's well-being. Trying to organize or fix things so others won't have to worry.” 

Christian opens his eyes again and sees her beautiful eyes, large and concerned, looking at him. He gives her a faint smile – of course he does, always has and always will. 

“But who takes care of you?” There's a strange look in her eyes now which Christian can't interpret. Guilt?

“Baby, you do.” He takes the hand still caressing his hair, kisses it gently and places it on his cheek. “For example, right now you are taking excellent care of me.” 

And instinctively he knows what she's thinking – that she left him alone and that he's been alone since. Which is true, despite the some or other brown-haired beauty keeping him warm for a few hours and always leaving him wanting. But they've promised each other not to go there, no guilt-trips down memory lane. Christian is about to remind her, but Ana interrupts him.

“Will you promise something, Christian?” 

He looks at her questioningly. “If I can. What is it?” 

“I want you to promise that you will never hide things from me just because you think I will get hurt, or be sad, or find something mildly annoying. Whatever it is, what you go through I want to go through with you. I don't need, or want, to be taken care of in that way. And it's very, very important to me that I get to be there for you, even when you don't realize you need me to be.” 

Wow. She's so sincere and Christian is speechless for moment, trying to sort through the wave of emotion surging through him. What is she actually saying?

The promise seems easy enough to make, but she knows him – so knows that it goes against a deep need to protect, and for that matter control, the people he loves and cares about. But he also understands why this is important to her. For all their apparent differences they're very much alike, deep down.

“Ana, I promise you I will do my best as long as you do the same for me.” He can see she's about to question the meaning of what he just said, but then nods; they both know she can show the same tendencies as him when it comes to protecting people.

Christian sits up next to Ana, pulls her close and presses his forehead against hers. Slowly he starts grinning.

“What?” Ana says, trying to stay serious but failing miserably.

“What you just said.” Christian kisses her nose, then her mouth. “It sounded almost like wedding vows.”

Ana immediately goes crimson, as he knew she would. 

“I loved it,” he says, taking her hot face in his hands and kissing her deeply. She only hesitates for a second and then gives in completely, leaving him breathless and incredibly turned on. But when his hand slides under her top, she pulls away from him.

“Would you play for me?” she says almost apologetically, glancing down his trousers.

Christian is surprised. “What, the piano?”

“M-hm. I've missed hearing you play.” 

He smiles at her, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He associates most of his piano playing with missing Ana, not having her at his side where she belongs. 

When they had been together for about six months and she had moved in with him, his need for nocturnal piano playing had almost disappeared. Then she left him and he stopped sleeping again. 

Even if he's not entirely comfortable – when did he even play for someone last? - how could he deny her? So he takes her hand and leads her to the big room and the piano. When he sits she sits down next to him in her back-then-favorite position; back against the piano so she can watch him while he plays.

Christian chooses a recent piece he knows he's never played for Ana before – anything else would be cutting it close to too painful tonight. But Ana seems to be enjoying it; she's pulled her feet up on the piano bench, arms clasping her legs, chin resting on her knees. After watching him for a while she closes her eyes. 

When Christian finishes Ana doesn't move at first. She's completely still and her eyes remain closed. Maybe she fell asleep? 

He touches her arm gently and when she raises her head to look at him she has tears in her eyes. 

“What baby?” he says worriedly, taking her hand. “Why are you sad?” He really hopes she doesn't feel guilty again. Too much guilt will destroy them for sure.

But Ana smiles. “Don't mind me, it's stupid. You play beautifully and I love listening.”

“OK, Ana, how about trying that honesty thing we just talked about? How do you think it makes me feel when I find that you're crying but you tell me I shouldn't be bothered because it's stupid?” His voice is gentle but firm.

Ana blinks a couple of times. Then she nods, although barely noticeable.

“Yes. Yes, you're right.” She looks away so he can't see her face. Is she embarrassed?

“I've never told anyone this. Not even Kate.” Ana's voice is quiet and apologetic. 

“Over the years I don't know how many nights I've woken up, missing you next to me, thinking I would find you by the piano.” 

Her voice is so low Christian has to concentrate to hear every word. 

“It was as if I heard you play in my sleep; I woke up with a tune in my head so sure I could just walk out of the bedroom door and find you. Just to realize that someone was next to me but that it wasn't you.”

Christian's chest tightens. Oh, the things this woman is still hiding from him. He wants to throw himself at her right now, but she's not finished yet. She turns to face him and the tears have returned.

“You see, every time my first reaction would be devastation that it wasn't you laying next to me and that it never would be again.” Ana sobs. “Then I would feel incredible guilt for waking up wishing the nice man next to me was someone else. He didn't deserve that.”

Ana shakes her head, fighting not to cry. “So I'd make up all kinds of excuses for these dreams, memories, whatever it was. Promising myself to be a better wife.”

Now she looking at him and even with her the tip of her nose and eyes reddish from crying she's fucking gorgeous, but he wants her to keep on talking. This is something he needs to hear. So he just squeezes her hand for encouragement and she goes on.

“Eventually I would feel a little better and try to go to sleep only for my mind to start spinning with who was sleeping next to you now, who was listening to you play in the middle of the night? Who got to comfort you when you had nightmares?” She whispers the last sentence and now the tears are flowing freely.

Christian is staring at her for a moment. Then he closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly. Again he's reminded that he's not the only one who has suffered during the last decade. 

Instead of answering, he pulls her up and lifts so she can throw her legs and arms around him. As he carries her towards the bedroom he can feel her sobs becoming fainter, her breathing calming.

Tonight Christian doesn't even try to keep the lights on in the bedroom – the moonlight and city lights are more than enough for his purpose – and without a word between them he pulls off her t-shirt, jeans and underwear. As Ana lays down on the bed naked he undresses scattering his clothes on the floor, all the while not taking his eyes of her.

Her body looks almost translucent and other-worldly in the night light. And she's back where she belongs – in his bed and his life. Lying down next to her on the bed he starts stroking her hair and face, then cups her chin with his hand.

“It's important that you know something, Anastasia.” He sees her eyes glinting at him in the semi-dark but she doesn’t say anything. It's his turn to talk.

“Not even once.” Christians voice is dark with emotion and desire. Ana raises her head slightly, not understanding and he continues.

“Not even once has any woman stayed the night. Not in my bed, not in my apartment. Not after you left.” 

He pauses, releases her chin and lets his hand slowly follow the line of her body down to her hip and up again. On it's way back his hand just grazes her nipple, but she gasps and bites her lip. Christian inches closer, his body still not touching hers but so close he can feel the warmth from her skin.

“With the exception of my family and Gail, no woman has heard me play the piano since you. Or before you. Do you understand, Anastasia?” 

His hand is now caressing her white thigh, slowly closing in on her sex. Her eyes don't leave his and Christian knows that she does indeed understand. But he will say it anyway.

“For what I am, and what I need, there is only you. You're the only cure for my nightmares, my loneliness and my freakishness.” Ana still doesn't say anything, but her eyes tell him she loves his words – that she needs to hear them as much as he does saying them. 

He kisses her breasts one after the other, then gently pushes her on her back and separates her legs so he can touch her freely, which he does – stroking and teasing. This will not be long; it's one of those times when his emotions are so volcanic they have no where to go but inside Ana. 

Feeling her as wet as ever he can't wait any longer, so he pulls himself on top and pinning her arms over her head pushes himself inside her hard. Ana calls out - he thinks his name – and he puts his mouth over hers, letting his tongue fill her as he keeps on thrusting fast and hard.

“Are you mine, Anastasia?” he growls into her mouth. 

“Yes, Christian.” Her voice is just a breath.

“Will – you – leave – me – again?” For each word, he slams into Ana. He can feel her building – her body tensing, meeting every thrust, trying to feel him even deeper. She won't last much longer and he doesn't want her to. He needs to come too, or his chest will explode.

“No, Christian!” she whispers desperately. “No, baby!”  
“Why? Why – won't – you – leave?”

She needs to come now, this is going to be over for him soon. He lets go of her arms so she can hold him and as she presses him to her chest she comes violently, her body convulsing beneath him.

“'Cause I love you-I love you-I love you ...” Hearing her whispers and feeling her muscles pulsing around his cock sends him over the edge and he comes, pouring ten years of his longing into her.

 

…. ….. ….

They've made love again, slowly this time. It's amazing how Ana can make him feel. With her sex isn't sex. Instead it's … everything. With other women sex has always for him been about control and release. With Ana his body talks and tells hers every single emotion he has that he can't put into words. And she responds.

They should sleep, it must be three in the morning, but he wants this to last as long as possible. Tomorrow night she will be back at her place and there will be no telling when Christian will have her for an entire night again.

Ana's head is resting om his chest, her warm breath tickling his scars. It feels good, soothing. With her laying close to him Christian even feels confident that the Mia-business will be sorted. 

Ana stirs a little and mumbles that she's sleepy. She asks him if he's alright.

“I am so alright right now. You're here.” 

“I am here.” He can hear her smile. “And I will be here tomorrow. Good night, baby, I love you.”

He kisses her hair. “And I love you. Sleep now.”

Ana falls asleep almost immediately, but Christian lies awake for a while longer, savoring the moment. He should to talk to her tomorrow morning – or should he? After weighing the pros and cons for a while he comes to a decision and so he can finally go to sleep.

 

…. ….. ….

 

Since they forgot to close the blinds the night before, Ana is woken up by the daylight pouring in through the huge window, despite it being a gray, rainy day outside. She's tired and her muscles ache, from the exercise no doubt. She's not as fit as she was last time around with Christian. But that will undoubtedly get better.

And just like last time around Christian is holding her tight while sleeping soundly – his head on her chest, arm around her waist and his leg over hers. She can barely move, but she doesn't want to anyway. He needs her, he's safe like this and she's the only one who can do this for him. Her heart swells when she thinks about what he told her last night. Ana is not only his first, she's still his only.

Laying as still as she can, she watches the rain pour down the glass of the window. It's beautiful and very meditative. She doesn't even notice that Christian has lifted his head and is looking at her.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he says while untangling himself from her and making it a bit easier for her to breath.

“Good morning.” She smiles at his tousled hair and mischievous grin. How can he look this good in the morning, sleep-deprived and just-woken-up? It it isn't natural or fair, but she still loves looking at him.

Suddenly Christian sits up straight, stark naked in the revealing daylight and Ana pulls the sheet a little bit closer, making sure it covers all the vital parts. Of course Christian notices and frowns at her, making her flush. But he seems to forget and he's back at smiling at her again, almost shyly this time.

“I need to ask you something Anastasia, before my courage fails me.”

Oh shit, he sounds so serious. What is it now? Lovers during their time apart? Sex with Thomas? 

“OK?” she says, tone uncertain. Christian takes a deep breath, like he's about to jump into the deep end of the pool.

“Anastasia. I love you and I see no other future than one which you are in. And Sara. So would you please consider moving in with me?” He looks at her pleadingly, but seeing her face blanching he quickly adds:

“I don't mean right this moment, and I certainly don't mean to this apartment.”

He waves his hand dismissively at his home of fifteen or so years. 

“I mean we could talk about it, think about how and when and where … I really mean consider it, together.”

Jesus. But of course she will - there would be no other way forward than this anyway. She feels a shadow of doubt about Sara wanting to move, but they'll sort it out.

“Of course I will, Christian,” she says warmly. “I would love to consider moving in with you.”

Christian is positively shining with bliss, making Ana giggle. He looks like a little boy on Christmas.

Then the sly grin is back and he pokes her chest. “Then I should finally be able to catch a glimpse of you naked in daylight, for sure.”


	20. Chapter 20

Ana looks at the clock on the kitchen wall for the tenth time this morning. It's twelve and she should probably make herself some lunch. It's a lovely Saturday morning, sunny and with crisp early-autumn air, but she's chosen to spend it indoors. She's spent the entire morning trying to get her new project started, but it's turned out to be a drag and she keeps on finding any excuse to procrastinate. 

Lunch is important. Christian would certainly agree. Ana smiles and feels a pang of anticipation in her chest. They haven't seen each other for over two weeks and that's the longest they've been apart since they got back together. It's been torture for Ana and she thinks for Christian too. But they have both been so busy, and sine Grace is back in the States and Carrick is still in Sydney to support Mia, Christian has spent almost every evening with his mother. 

Ana hasn't felt ready for Christian to stay over yet. But that has to change soon; she can't stand being apart from him this long. She will try to prepare Sara somehow; but Ana's terrified that it might trigger some loyalty-crisis within her daughter. Sara was OK with Ana having a “boy-friend”, but as such Christian has so far been a very theoretical since Sara hasn't seen him post to the dinner in Bellevue.

But tonight Ana's going to see him and that's probably why she's so restless. Christian has invited her to be his date to a fundraiser, she doesn't even know for what. The kind of people who will be there aren’t her type of crowd, but she couldn't really care less – she just wants to see him. Plus, there is something to be said for Christian being seen with her – Ana wants everyone to know that he's taken.

The best part is that after the fundraiser Christian is coming back with her and they will be able to spend the night together and the day tomorrow, since Sara is spending the weekend with Ray.

At this point her dad knows that she and Christian are together; Sara keeps him informed. And he has said as much about it to Ana as can be expected from someone who expresses very little – that it's “right” that they're together again. Which is no small compliment to Christian.

It's funny actually; Thomas was a very easy-going person, likeable and fairly interesting, and while Ray had nothing against him they never bonded in any way. Whereas Ray and Christian, who is the most private and closed person Ana's ever met, had been quite close in their own way. They had seemed to share an understanding of some kind. 

Ana gets eggs from fridge and decides on boiling them, to eat with some ham, cottage cheese and vegetables. She should probably give up on her project for the day and just take a walk after lunch instead, get her thoughts sorted. The book she's trying to write has been marinating in her mind for over a year, but as soon as she decided she'd do something about it – nothing. The idea that was so clear in her mind before, just fleets out of grasp every time she tries to put something down in writing. It might be time she acknowledges that she´s a reader, not a writer.

While eating she shuts down the exasperating word-document and opens her email instead. There's a few work related items but she ignores them; it is Saturday after all. But there's one from Christian.

 

From: Christian Grey  
Subject: Some food for thought  
Date: September 3 2014

 

Anastasia,

I can't tell you how glad I am that you agree to be seen with me in public tonight. I'm longing to show you off. And I'm longing for you. To not see you for two weeks has been very painful (and not the good kind), which brings me to the point of this email.

Attached are just a few ideas to play around with, should you like. If you're up to it we can discuss tonight. Although I'm not sure talking would be a good use of our limited time together this weekend.

I will pick you up at 7 pm like agreed. Don't be late.

I can't wait to see you.

Christian

Ana frowns. What ideas? As always she gets butterflies in her stomach when Christian is being cryptic – a remnant from the time when innuendos were his big thing.

The attachments are real estate listings. Four stunning homes, all in the Seattle area, all with football-pitch sized gardens and two with sea view. They all look beautiful but the houses are far too big for her taste and comfort. The prices are not included in the description, but that doesn't really matter. Christian would never accept her trying to pitch in what she could, which would be comparatively what? A fart in space?

She swallows. This all becomes very real all of a sudden. Looking around her small, but light and airy kitchen she realizes that moving in with Christian, which she does want to do, will mean leaving her lovely house. Her and Sara's lovely house. She tries to picture Christian living here for a nanosecond, but the thought is so ridiculous she snorts loudly. 

Pretty soon she's starting to see potential obstacles everywhere she looks, mainly to do with Sara, and she gets up and makes herself some coffee. Coffee, walk, garage, shower, get ready. That will cover the afternoon. It will all be fine, they're just playing around with ideas. Only, she knows she has to be careful tonight; one word in favor of one house over the others and Christian could be ending up buying it tomorrow. She needs to make sure she stays in control of this.

…. …. ….

When Taylor pulls up outside Ana's house she's ready and waiting by the window, like she was going to prom or something. You would think with them just having had a decade long hiatus two weeks would be nothing, but not so; Ana's got a renewed taste for Christian Grey and she's addicted again. Besides – she went without sex for almost two years but now she's feels insatiable; it seems the more she gets, the more she wants.

Christian's gotten out of the car to open her door and he laughs, pleased, when she jogs down the path to get to him faster. Not caring that she's in her dressiest dress and high heels, she jumps into his arms like a little girl, clasping her legs around his waist. 

“Oh baby.” Christian happily buries his nose in her hair. “I've missed you so much.” Setting her down he pulls her hair back and kisses her gently. “You look stunning, Ana.” 

Judging by the way he's looking her up and down he seems to mean it. She's chosen a dress that snugs her breasts and waist but floats around hips and legs. Almost the same shifting color as her hair the different browns flatter her pale skin and blue eyes. It's also the best dress she owns and Christian’s never seen it. It won't match the price tags where she's going but she'll blend in well enough.

Ignoring Taylor's presence completely for once, she makes out like a teenager in the back seat until they're nearly at the venue. She needs the last few minutes before they arrive to try to restore her make-up, while being watched by an amused Christian. 

“You don't need it,” he says quietly. “You are so beautiful.” He grabs her knee and squeezes it, making her hand shake so she gets lipstick on her teeth. She scowls at him, but really she's pleased.  
“It's like armor,” she says. “It protects me and gives me courage.” Christian knows she feels slightly apprehensive about the fundraiser, so he says nothing but still rolls his eyes.

 

The fundraiser – which is “Clean water is a human right”, something Ana obviously supports – is at the Four Seasons. She can't help but marvel at the contradiction – to raise money for poorly developed areas in the world to get clean water, while this event must cost a fortune. The huge ballroom is beautifully decorated, everywhere she looks there are waiters carrying trays filled with champagne flutes or gourmet hors d'oeuvres. And everywhere are beautiful people, expensive-looking and perfectly groomed from top to bottom.

Suddenly she panics – her nails! Did she scrub them while she was in the shower? She spends so much time on her projects in the garage that her nails get black, and it wouldn't be the first time she forgets to use the scrubber. A quick glance down at her hands and she's calmer; nails are clean. Next she glances at Christian; he's looking back at her, smiling warmly. He is among the elite of gorgeousness in this room, and he has more in common both looks-wise and financially with everyone else here than with her. Still, there is no doubt in her mind or heart that it's with her he wants to be and that makes her able to suppress all the awkwardness of not belonging. Just to make sure she holds his arm even tighter.

“Don't leave me alone for a second,” Ana says quietly.

Christian looks down on her in surprise.

“I wouldn't dream of it,” he says with a touch of hurt in his voice. 

They make their way through the crowded room, constantly stopping to exchange pleasantries. Ana's head is spinning with new names and faces after 15 minutes. Christian has a firm grip around her waist and doesn't let go even when he shakes hands, which is more or less constantly. She loves it; he's stating to everyone that she's just not a date.

There's an introductory passionate speech from a man from Water Aid, complete with a slide show on the consequences of contaminated water. The pictures are mostly of children and they do the trick; there's hardly a dry eye in the room. Ana sincerely hopes that the money from this evening will reach the people who need it; the extravagance around them makes her feel a bit queasy when compared to the slide show.

“Are you okay?” Christian gives her a concerned look. He looks affected to and she just nods. He reaches down and kisses her forehead, then her mouth and immediately she feels better, wishing they were already on their way to her place. How long does one have to stay at these things, surely it's the monetary contribution that matters?

“How many functions like this one do you attend?” Ana asks. How many will she have to attend?

He smiles. “Don't worry, not that many.” As if her could read her mind.

“There are some issues that are close to my heart, I make a point to attend those when I can. It's not for the fun of it, but high-profile people brings more attention to the cause.” He shrugs. Just the way it is.

Speaking of which, three photographers approach at the same time, competing for Mr. Grey's attention. Ana and Christian dutifully give them what they want. When the photographers are satisfied, Christian bends down and nuzzles her ear, whispering.

“Soon there will be dancing. Will you dance with me, Anastasia?” His tone makes dancing sound like foreplay, something Ana is ready to skip entirely by now. She swallows presses herself, mainly her hips, to his side making him draw his breath quickly.

Someone coughs politely behind them. 

“Christian darling.” 

It's a pleasant, husky voice and to her dismay Ana turns to see that it belongs to Nicole, Christians ex. 

Bloody Nicole. And she is Christian-gorgeous. Almost as tall as him, she has long, silky-brown hair, a perfect face with green cat-eyes and a full mouth. It's not hard to see why people thought they belonged together and Ana flushes crimson, although green would be a more appropriate color for what she's feeling.

“Nicole.” Christian’s voice is flat. He lets her kiss both his cheeks, but his face is cold and he doesn't let go of Ana, who as a consequence gets uncomfortably close to Nicole. The woman naturally smells fantastic. By now it would be less awkward if Christian would loosen his grip around Ana, but when she tries to wiggle free he just holds her even firmer.

“I haven't seen you around in ages – I hope you are well?” Nicole's voice is still pleasant and her smile warm, but her cat-eyes are giving away exactly what she's feeling. And so far she's completely ignoring the woman firmly attached to Christian.

“Oh, I'm very well thank you. I've just been more busy than usual,” he replies with a warm voice, looking down on Ana. Hah!

If looks could kill Ana would drop down dead, but Nicole extends her long-fingered, perfectly manicured hand to shake and introduces herself. Ana takes the offered hand and shakes it, but just nods in reply.

Christian helps out. “This is Anastasia Randall, one of Seattle's most prominent editors.” Liar.

“Pleasure. So how long have the two of you known each other?” Nicole says sweetly, eyes wandering up and down Ana's body, assessing her. She doesn’t look overly impressed.

“Twelve years.” Ana answers before Christian can even open his mouth. I was here first and now I'm back. Deal with it.

Nicole turns her burning gaze towards Christian and nods slightly. “I see.”

“It was good to see you, Nicole. You look very well.” Christian sounds impatient. “Ana and I need to move on. I hope you have a great evening.” After a quick nod he turns and makes their way through the crowd toward the dance floor. He completely leaves his ex hanging in an uncharacteristically impolite manner. Like Ana cares. 

“So that was Nicole. I'm sorry about that. I should have known she'd be here.” He's apologetic.

“I know that was Nicole, Christian. I've seen pictures. I think I might be on her shit-list.” Ana smirks and Christian laughs.

“Trust me, many a prominent name is on that list. Mine included. Let's dance your gorgeous ass off, miss Steele, and then we'll go.”

 

…. …. ….

Relaxed and contented they're in bed in Ana's bedroom, leisurely caressing each other. The two-week sexual hiatus has just resulted in a quick and violent reunion. Tonight and tomorrow Ana is entirely his for which Christian is exceptionally grateful given the circumstances. But he's aching to be with her every second he's not.

“So baby … do you mind if we talk about the moving-in-together business a little bit?” He lets his finger trace her jaw line. “Did you get my email this morning? Or would you rather we skip the subject for tonight?”

Fucking hell, he sounds wimpy. But he doesn't want to push his luck, wants it to be her choice entirely. 

She picks up on his uncertainty and smiles reassuringly. 

“Let's talk. Just please – no surprises. Don't pay for or sign anything until we are completely agreed, ok? I need to be in on this all the way, because I have to be able to prepare Sara properly.”

Wow. Direct. But she knows him well – it's just the kind of thing he would do. Buy her a house as a surprise just because he thinks she would like it. However he wouldn't now, because he understands full well it's different. Everything is different now, but that's ok.

“Don't worry Ana. Of course I'm not going to do that.” He touches her cheek. The last thing he wants is for this to be a weight on her mind.

“I will do anything in my power to help make this as smooth as possible, Ana. Believe me.”

“I know, Christian.” She smiles and kisses him. “I trust you.”

Her words make his insides all warm and fuzzy. He loves to hear that. “Ok. We know we want to live under the same roof?” Ana nods and grins. “So where could you see yourself living? Which areas, apartment, house?”

He's aware that he sounds almost businesslike and Ana gazes at him, uncertain. “What is it, Ana?”

“It's just … don't you think it will be difficult for us to find something we both like? I mean, I love my little house and would probably like to go more rural if anything – and you're a penthouse-person.”

“I'm a penthouse-person?” Christian exclaims in mock horror. “I completely resent that, Miss Steele.”

She slaps his arm hard and it actually stings a bit. “You know what I mean,” she says grumpily. “You're in this tower in the middle of the city – you're the epithet of urban and have been as long as … I've known you.” She glances at him, but he's amused still.

“I know, Ana, but I also can't wait to get out of there. I'm done with that place. And as much as I've been working the past years, it's as much an office as anything. To be completely honest, I don't really care where I live as long as it's with you, and as long as you and Sara will be happy there. Sure, I like to be comfortable, I'd want a certain size and standard, but I doubt to a degree you would mind.”

Ana sighs deeply and crawls close to him, depositing her face in his neck. “You are unbelievably amazing, Mr. Grey. You are considerate and loving and smart and hot as hell. I'm so lucky.”

Christian tightens his grip around her and he's starting to get that feeling again, when his emotions are to big for his chest and he only knows one way to deal with it. At the same time this conversation is going smoothly and he'd hate to have to start all over again. Control yourself.

“Baby, I become those things with you. It's all because of you.”

She snorts. “Yeah, yeah, you keep on telling yourself that. You should ask your family how they see you.”

They're sidetracking. He clears his throat, but his voice still comes out husky.

“So, living arrangements. Your view on it, please?”

Ana glances down towards his erection, but he's not going there yet. “Hey. Focus and keep your eyes on mine. You'll get yours later.” 

She pouts and he almost gives in, but she seems to be considering his question.

“If I could choose freely …” She looks at him and he nods to encourage her. “… then I would want Sara to be able to stay in school, so she wouldn't have to loose her friends. Since she just lost her dad.”

Christian nods but doesn't say anything.

“I'd like a garden and a place for my projects. I don't mind a bigger house – as long as I don't have to clean all of it myself and buy all the furniture.” She smirks at him.”But although the houses you emailed me were stunning and surely very representative of your wealth, I just find them to big. Do you think you'd be able to consider something smaller? Less presidential?”

Christian's let go of Ana while she speaks and is lying on his side watching her. He pokes a finger at her chest.

“Sometimes I get the feeling you're making fun of my wealth, Miss Steele.” 

She gives him the I'm-completely-innocent-huge-eyes look. “If that's the case, I'm sure it comes with the billionaire territory. What else can the populace do, but joke at your expense?”

He shakes his head and decides on a tiny and very short revenge. But still. He gets out of bed and walks over to his jacket, draped around a chair in the corner. From the inside pocket he pulls out a few folded brochures.

“I know I said no surprises, but...” he shrugs and saunters back to bed where Ana's lying, face pale. She looks like she's stopped breathing.

“Breathe, Anastasia. Don't worry, I haven't signed or paid for anything.” He winks at her and she frowns at him, but she's also a little amused. Her breathing's returned to normal.

“What is it then?” She sounds curious.

“It's a house that's for sale, one I thought you might like. I knew very well you wouldn't fall for the listings I sent you this morning, but I thought they'd do some ground work.” He winks at her again. “I know you quite well, baby. And I've also considered all the angles you just mentioned. This is what I came up with.”

Christian gives Ana the brochures and sits beside her on the bed. The property is a six-bedroom wooden house built at the turn of the century, renovated to a top-modern but tasteful standard. The look on Ana's face reveals everything he needs to know – he's found it. It makes him immensely happy.

“Look at the address,” he says hoarsely. “It's not walking distance to Sara's school but it's not far either. She'd be able to keep her friends.”

“Oh, Christian, it's beautiful and I would probably love it. But will you be comfortable in something like this? It doesn't seem your style at all.” Her voice is shaking a little. Good, she's emotional too.

“You're my style, Ana. And for some reason I'm more comfortable in your home than in my own. I like your taste in decorating. Imagine what you could do with money to spend.” He kisses her.

“If, when, we move in together, we do the decorating together. It would be our home. And just so you know – most of my furniture come from yard sales and thrift stores. Not sure that fits your lifestyle.” She sneers at him, but he smiles back at her sweetly.

“We in the billionaire territory just call it vintage. So, do you want to see a house tomorrow?”


	21. Chapter 21

Christian is impatient. He's in line to get coffee at the cafe where he and Ana had their reunion some months ago now. What they have just done, he wouldn't even dare dream of back then. He smiles inwardly – he's happier than he remembers ever being. 

But he's also bloody impatient to get the coffee. They've come here to talk about the house they've just been to see and Christian has no clue how Ana felt about the property. She didn't give anything away while they were there and he always hates it when he can't figure out what she's thinking.

Finally it's his turn to order and he asks for two cappuccinos and two blueberry muffins. Ana didn't ask for one but she didn't eat much for breakfast – she should be peckish at least.

Zigzagging past the small tables to get to theirs in the corner he senses heads turning as he walks by, but the attention doesn't give him any pleasure. It never has, although it has been a means to an end occasionally. He looks in Ana's direction to check if she notices and what her reaction might be. She does take notice but appears not be jealous – instead she looks amused. Good.

“It seems I'm not the only one who can appreciate the apparition that is Christian Grey,” Ana teases as he sets down their coffees and takes a seat.

“The only one that matters.” Christian mutters. “I brought you a blueberry muffin. Thought you might be a bit hungry.” The look he gives her is almost daring her to defy him, but she just smiles sweetly.

“Of course you did, baby. And you're right, I will eat it with pleasure.” Ana starts peeling the paper off the muffin. She's still making fun of him, but she's in a good mood and hopefully that means they can have a talk where he keeps his good mood as well.

“So. We just saw a house together. How did that feel?” Christian takes Ana's hand, more to reassure himself than her. It's important that he remembers that she loves him, even if she hates the house he so carefully picked out because he thought it would suit her.

Ana face turns serious and she takes a few large gulps of her coffee and then looks at him thoughtfully before answering.

“Christian, you know me well enough to know that I love the house.” There's loud giggling coming from a table not far from them and Ana turns, irritated by the interruption. The gigglers are a group of young women who are unashamedly staring at Christian. Ana frowns at them and looks like she going to tell them off. Christian squeezes her hand and sighs.

“Hey, look at me. Please continue.” His smile is reassuring and she returns it.

“Ok. Like I said, I love the house. It's bigger than anything I've ever lived in, apart from when I lived with you at Escala of course. The garden is immense and beautiful and I can certainly see me and Sara there, but ...” She gives him a quick glance and looks down at their clasping hands.

“What?” he says gently.

“Well, it's difficult to picture you there.”

Christian blanches – he doesn't understand. But Ana gets a panicky look, quickly shakes her head and giggles nervously.

“Baby, what I mean is that the house seems to be just for us, I don't see anything of you in it. It's so much smaller than what you are used to, or at least what you would choose for yourself. I don't want you to find yourself in a situation where you feel deprived just to please us.” 

It's Christian's turn to shake his head. 

“Honestly Ana, the thought that I would feel deprived if I get to be with you is … preposterous.”

Ana giggles again. She must be nervous, but he loves the sound.

“And I haven't told you everything about the property – there was no need to unless we would actually decide to buy it. But there are certain things I find necessary in my life, so I have looked at those possibilities beforehand. No point in considering it otherwise.” 

He shrugs but doesn't take his eyes of Ana. He loves the fact that she's just been offered to live in a, for her, huge house that she apparently loves, and what she does is think of his needs.

“Besides,” Christian continues, kissing her hand gently while giving her a shy look,”we can always up-size when you've gotten used to having more room. And who knows, maybe we'd even need more room eventually.”

Ana's eyes open wide and she blinks a couple of times. “Like, for pets?” she whispers.

Christian snorts and slowly shakes his head. “Not a big fan of pets.” 

Ana is dumbfounded and he can't blame her. He had planned for that particular piece of information being outed at another point in time. Preferably after they'd moved in together. But it's out there now.

“What are the things you find necessary in life exactly, property-wise?” Ana asks quietly.

“Is that what you want to talk about right now?” Christian says, surprised. He kind of just dropped a bomb on her, but she doesn't want to talk about it?

“Just for now, please.”

“Ok.” The apprehension is back. Why won't she talk about what he said? But he'll play along for now.

“Well. As you know I'm security-conscious and I doubt I'd be less so living with you and Sara. So the property has been appraised by my security-team. It's no problem fixing it up to an acceptable standard.”

Ana nods. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with that.

“Then there has to be accommodation for security personnel, since I have around-the-clock security. And of course living quarters for Gail and Jason. That would all have to be built and we would add garage space too.”

Ana nods again, slower this time.

“So, actually it would mean an addition that is at least half the size of the main house,” Christian adds carefully. “But I have been assured it would look equally good and not destroy the overall feel of the property – the addition will be located some distance from the main house.”

He has nothing else to add. There's so much to discuss, all of which is pointless without a decision. Which will not be made today most likely, but should be soon or the property will be off the market. Then again, if that were to happen and they still want it, his wealth can be pretty persuasive.

They just look at one another for a while, not knowing what to say, but at least Ana looks like she's thinking. Christian is just about to ask if she wants another coffee – although she hasn't finished the one in front of her yet – just to say something, when Ana breaks the silence.

“So how do you feel about it really? Please be honest with me. And I don't mean about moving in together – I mean about the house.” 

They are still talking about the house, that's good. It's not a no yet.

“Ana, I want to move out of Escala. I don't like living there anymore. I want to live in proper home for the first time in my life and I know that living with you in this house would make a home.”

Ana squeezes his hand hard and she looks like she might tear up. Hopefully in a good way.

“And with the additions that we would have to make, this property won't be smaller than the pent-house. I´m not really down-sizing.” He smirks. “And, if ever we do feel crowded, I own about ten other properties around the world. Even one in Scotland.”

Ana gasps, and Christian thinks she's going to fall off her chair. He anticipated this reaction and he grins widely at her – the ultimate joy of surprising her. He acquired it a few months ago but choose to keep it a secret.

“Oh.” Ana squeaks, “can we go sometime? I've never been, but I love, I love, Scotland.”

“I know you do, baby. Of course we'll go, that's the point.” He keeps on grinning, but his smile fades as he's sees Ana's face turning serious again.

She let's out a long breath and drinks some more of her coffee – seems to give her courage today. After putting the cup down she grabs both his hand and gazes at him, her big blue eyes sincere.

“Í'm scared, Christian.” She hesitates. “But if I tell you why I don't want you to get upset, because part of the reason has to do with money.”

Christian sighs, but smiles reassuringly. He knows what's coming and even if he thinks it's ridiculous it's part of who Ana is and he loves all of her.

“We're having an honest discussion, which is imperative if this is going to be good. So no, I won't be mad at you or even slightly irritated.” He grins and nods for her to continue.

Ana grins back and he knows she's already more relaxed. 

“Ok. For me, the idea of you buying a house for us for which I can't even afford to pay the electric bill is daunting and takes some getting used to. And the additions – they make sense of course, but I hadn't considered the Taylors and your security … it's such a big project and so … final. Not only will we move but our decision will affect their lives too.” 

Ana gives Christian a small smile.

“I wish I could explain it better, I know you don't get it. Why is it life gets more complicated with more money involved?”

It's a rhetorical question but Christian shrugs. He doesn't feel the least bit upset, he was anticipating her need to get this off her chest.

“It's probably stupid, but I also worry about Sarah and the complete change in lifestyle for her. She's not used to getting everything she wants and I don't think she should. Then again, the way you are with her ...” Her face softens when she looks at him. “Like me, she doesn't need your money, but I do believe she would want you, too.”

Christian feels shy all of a sudden. That's quite a compliment coming from a protective mother, and he has a feeling that it might be sealing the deal.

“On top of it all I'm scared shitless that we're jumping into this too quickly and that it will end in heartache all around. I'm sure you are too?” Ana looks at him curiously and Christian gives a quick nod. He's usually not comfortable admitting to being scared, but they are being honest.

“I have … worries, although they're not the same as yours. I actually feel completely confident that we will be fine, more than fine. But I will elaborate on that on a different occasion.”

Ana lifts an eyebrow at him, but he smiles and shakes his head. “Nothing, baby. Anyway, what worries me is that Sarah won't like having me as her step dad. Or that it might be fine now, but what happens when she hits puberty? Maybe she'll start hating me then?”

Ana laughs. “Oh come on, she'll hate us both by then. We'll have to help each other.”

That lovely laugh. They're getting somewhere. He gets serious.

“Also, being the way I am, I worry that I might fail to keep the two of you safe. Although I can assure you nothing serious has happened in my vicinity since Leila. But that taught me a lesson for life.”

Ana sighs and scowls at him.

“Christian! You keep spending your life worrying about everything that might happen, you'll have a heart attack soon enough. And since I'm planning to move in with you in that extravagant house I'd like you to be around.” 

Seeing the joy that's spreading over Christian’s face she can't keep her face straight and joins his grinning.

“Oh, Anastasia, don't worry. I'll live much longer knowing that I have you under my roof and under control.”

“Control, huh?”

“A man can dream, Anastasia.”

“Yeah, dream on, that's all I'm saying.”

They're both smiling sillily at each other and if Christian could he would have her now – his chest is starting to get that bursting feeling again. He wonders when Sara's returning from Ray's and if there's still time …

It's like Ana's reading his mind.

“Do you mind if we get out of here? It just feels a bit public and maybe we should celebrate?” She's whispering seductively and that's all the invitation he needs.

Christian jumps up from his chair and reaches for Ana's hand. She takes it with a smile and he almost drags her out from the coffee shop. Her handbag slams into several chairs on their way out making so much noise that nobody in the room ignores their exit.

“Whoa, you're in a hurry. We're five minutes from my house you know, we have time,” Ana laughs.

“That's five minutes too long”, Christian says quietly. “I bet you we'll make it in three, though.”

 

…. …. ….

 

They've made love and now he's planting small kisses all over her face and neck; he just can't stop. How can he ever get enough of this woman?

“You're mine, Ana,” he states matter-of-factly.

“And you're mine, don't you ever forget it,” she replies softly.

Christian looks appalled. “As if. I've lost you once because I was stupid – not letting that happen again.”

Ana pushes him away so he can't continue the kissing and looks at him sternly. 

“You were not stupid. You felt as strongly about the issue as I did, only we were on opposite sides. That's just the way it was and there's no point in wishing it was different.”

“Good point well made, Miss Steele,” Christian murmurs, pushing himself back towards her, close enough to nuzzle her neck and collarbone. She lets him have his way.

“Hm-m. So what did you mean by us needing more room eventually? We've established you weren't talking about pets.” She's keeping her voice light.

Christian stops kissing and just breathes against her neck. So now she wants to know.

“What do you think I meant?” he teases, still talking to her neck.

“Just tell me, Christian.” Her voice is impatient.

He gives up his neck-fondling and lies back, organizing a pillow to support his head.

“Ok, ok. What I meant was that if you would … ever be ready to have a second child, then I would be too. But you probably figured that that's what I meant.” 

Her turns on his side and rests his head on his elbow so he can look at her. He'd thought he might be nervous talking about this, but he actually feels comfortable.

“I'm not saying it to put any pressure on you, just that it's something that we could consider eventually, should you want.”

Ana's blue eyes are even bigger than usual and he finds it hard to read her look. It's finally slightly unnerving that she's not saying anything.

“You've changed your mind? Really?” she whispers eventually. “I assumed … that there would be just Sara.”

“And baby, that's far more than enough. That's closer to being a father than I ever thought I would be.” He tucks her hair behind her ear – he really needs nothing more than what she is already offering him.

“No I mean, when we got back together I took into account that Sara would be my only child knowing, or thinking I knew, how you felt about it. And that was ok, because I got you back. I want to, believe me.” But then she frowns.

“But I will not even consider it if it's just your way of trying to make me happy. I am happy.”

“No, Ana. I'm telling you, I have a different perspective now. Back then it was impossible to for me to see myself as a father – any child would hate me, that's how I felt. Because I did.”

Christian smiles lovingly at Ana. “But thanks to you I slowly learned to start liking myself again, which in turn gave Dr. Flynn something to work with. Not to mention that my little niece and nephew showed me kids could be quite awesome.”

Ana looks at him, wide-eyed.

“You're awesome,” she murmurs. “And I love you. I can't believe we might have a child together one day. Just the possibility is mind-blowing.”

He kisses her gently and then deeper, wanting more of her constantly. She reciprocates at first, but then withdraws, gasping.

“Shit, Sara's here soon. And we have to tell her.”


	22. Chapter 22

Lying in her bed with her laptop next to her, Ana can hear her daughter singing in the bathroom. She can't make out the words; Sara's brushing her teeth while wailing some pop song or other. It's good to have her back home again.

She's checking her work schedule for the upcoming week and browsing emails. It saves her start up time when she arrives at work on Mondays and makes for better Sunday evenings. Being prepared relaxes her.

When Sara is finished with the nightly teeth-brushing and face-washing, Ana usually brushes and braids her daughter's hair. Sara has long, brown, wavy hair like her mother and she often takes short cuts with the brushing, which eventually leads to tangles and tears. But it's become a bed-time ritual they both enjoy.

“Mom, can I sleep in your bed?” Sara asks, after having recounted everything said and done at Ray's over the weekend. 

“Of course, honey. Go get your pillows.” Ana finishes the braid and kisses Sara's head before the girl scoots off to her room to get pillows and her all-time bed companion; an often-mended dog called Charlie Henderson. Charlie Henderson used to be a neighbor of theirs when Sara was only two, and she had been very fond of him. Hence the name.

Sara returns with pillows, Charlie Henderson and a few of his soft toy colleagues and proceeds to arrange everything neatly in the bed next to Ana. This is more or less a ritual when Sara comes back after sleeping at Ray's or a friend's, and Ana realizes that this is something she should tell Christian about. Living with a child sometimes means having to share a bed with that child. It's hard to say if this is something Christian would be aware of, but given how he never sleeps with anyone except her, it should probably be addressed.

Ana sighs while watching her daughter make herself comfortable next to her. Everything seems so clear and easy when she's with Christian. She decides to call him tonight after Sara's gone to sleep and they can talk about this immediately, which he prefers anyway. Saves her dwelling on things.

Together they had decided that Ana would talk to Sara alone at first; Ana wants her reaction to be true and not inhibited by Christian's presence. Sara doesn't know him that well yet and Ana regrets this. It doesn't seem fair to the girl that her mother desperately wants to live with a man Sara hardly knows. Then again, it will be many months before the move so hopefully that will change.

Part of Ana wants to go slowly for her daughter's sake but the other part wants to spend every night and every day with Christian, starting now. 

A pair of ice cold feet find their way to her legs and she cries out in surprise. Sara is trying to find places to warm her icy dogs, laughing while her mother is squirming to avoid them. This is an on-going game between them – their feet being equally evening-cold – and Ana tries to reciprocate. Naturally Sara always wins in the end and gets to place her feet on Ana's thighs.

They have some time before Sara needs to sleep and she doesn't seem that tired so Ana decides now is as good a time as any. Starting by suggesting they go with Christian to his farm next weekend to visit Sara's and Jamie's sheep, she thinks she gets her daughter in a good place.

\- You know I really like Christian, right?

\- Yes. I like him too.

\- I am very glad to hear that, Sara. Because Christian and I have been thinking that it would be nice if the three of us lived together in the same house.”

Sara nods but doesn't say anything.

“How would you feel about that?” Ana asks softly.

Sara shrugs. “I don't know.” She' has no plan on elaborating, it seems, and again Ana finds it difficult to know what's happening in her daughter's head.

Searching Sara's small face for any sign that she's upset or worried, Ana's relieved to see that she mostly looks curious, albeit in a taciturn way. 

“That's understandable. Do you want me to tell you what we've been thinking and then maybe you can ask me questions and we can talk about it? You do have a say in this, too.”

Sara nods and turns on the pillow to get a better look at her mother. Ana, resting her head on her elbow, starts telling her daughter about the “plans” while playing with a get-away strand of Sara's hair. When she starts describing the house, Sara frowns.

“Why can't Christian move in with us? I like this house.”

“I like this house too, honey. But it's too small. There are people who work for Christian who actually have their own living space in his apartment, and there wouldn't be room for them here. But if we move they would have their own house next to ours.”

Sara looks utterly surprised at this grandeur, but decides to leave it for now.

“Would we have a pool?” she says hopefully, eyebrows raised at Ana. A pool is always on top of every Christmas or birthday list, but they have never had neither the room nor the money to build one.

“No, I don't think so.” Ana laughs. “But Christian has a really nice boat,” she throws in, slightly ashamed for trying to sweeten the deal.

“Ok,” Sara sighs, resigned, as if a pool would have been too much to hope for anyway. “Can Eric still come over?”

“Of course, Sara. Eric or any of you friends will always be welcome. We'll have a huge garden to play in. The house isn't very far from Eric's and you will stay in your school, so thing's won't be that different.” Right, except for the billionaire's step-daughter part.

“Yeah, I guess. Can I help decorate my new room?” This idea seems to please her and the eyebrows are raised at Ana again.

Ana nods, smiling.

“Can Ray stay over sometimes?”

“Yes, Sara, Ray is always welcome to stay over, just as he is now.” Not that he ever does if he can help it, he likes his own bed too much.

“Ok. Mom, I'll think about it, but I suppose it could be fun. But it's still a shame Christian doesn't have kids.” 

Sara very much wants a sibling and she's already asked Christian twice if he has kids, just to make sure.

“Yes, I know you think so. But he never met the right person to have kids with. Sometimes that happens.” 

“I know, mom.” Sara rolls her eyes. “But now he can start practicing on me, and then we'll see.” Sara yawns.

It seems her daughter has already started planning for a sibling. Ana decides not to answer the last comment for now, so she just smiles and kisses the sleepy girl's cheek.

“Good night, baby girl. It's good that you'll think about it, thank you. Just ask me, or Christian for that matter, if you have any questions.”

Sara is already starting to close her eyes. “Hm-m. I'm going to ask him about the pool.”

Ana shakes her head at her daughter. “Are you now? Go to sleep.” 

 

…. …. ….

Ana is curled up in the corner of her comfortable couch reading a promising manuscript. She's tried to call Christian an hour and half ago, but there was no answer, which is unusual but happens occasionally; he will call her back when he can. 

Now she's caught up in this teen novel which she definitely will be putting forward for publishing. Teen novels are very in still although the market has been flooded after the successes of Twilight and The Hunger Games. But this is one of the better ones she's read for years. And her bosses will like that the author, a woman, is planning sequels. That could mean exponentially higher sales and movie deals, which in turn increase sales.

Ana really likes this book, but she's also aware that it's marketability and potential to be a success increases her own freedom in choosing and getting new authors published, should it pan out. It's very difficult for a new author to be published and ninety percent of her job is working with author's that are already established and selling. Which is fun, but nothing beats the thrill of reading something amazing from somebody no one's ever heard of. For a little while it feels like she's the only one who knows the way to the treasure. 

When her phone rings, buzzing obnoxiously on the cluttered sofa table, it startles her and she jumps and drops the manuscript on the floor. Knowing it's Christian, she doesn't bother to look at the caller ID, instead she bends down to pick up the pile of papers from the floor while she answers.

“Hey baby.” She tries to make a sexy voice while leaning over, but it sounds more like she has a cold.

“Hey”. Christian's voice is strained and Ana sits up immediately.

“What's wrong?”

Christian laughs a little, but it doesn't sound convincing. “Am I so obvious I just have to say hey and you know something's up?”

“Yes. Spill.” Honestly, she's starting to sound like him. “I mean, please tell me what's up, you know I don't give up anyway.” 

Christian snorts in acknowledgment. 

“That I do know. It's nothing too serious – it's just that Mia and the kids are stuck in their house because reporters have set up camp outside. And getting them out of Australia is proving to take time. I mean, we could get the kids here, but they would probably just worry too much about Mia anyway.” 

He sounds weary and Ana can hear the undercurrent of anger in his voice. She knows that he hates feeling powerless more than anything.

“I've been on the phone with the lawyers and Carrick for hours, trying to find ways to convince the district attorney's office to let Mia come here. At the same time I get that they need to make sure she doesn't know anything. It's just a mess.” 

Christian sighs deeply and in her head Ana sees him running his fingers through his hair. She wishes he was here so she could do that for him and then comfort him any which way he'd want.

“You haven't gotten any indication on when they might let her go?” she asks softly.

Again he sighs. “No, but I don't blame them. This thing is huge, Ana, and it makes me so fucking mad that fucker tried to get Mia caught up in it. From what Carrick can gather at least it seems she's avoided signing anything.”

“Poor Mia. And poor kids. I wish there was something I could do to help you.”

“Oh, but you are, Ana.” Christian says quietly, anger and frustration gone from his voice. “Do you remember telling me that I have to share with you, good or bad?”

“Of course I remember.”

“Well, I don't share my problems with anyone, you know that. Except now you, meaning you're the only one I can talk to openly.” Christian pauses. “And I find that … it makes me feel better, lighter.” He sounds embarrassed and surprised. “Is there anything your magic doesn't work on, Anastasia?”

Ana feels her face split in a huge grin. “Probably. Let's hope we don't have to find out.” If he has finally discovered the advantages of unburdening himself, that probably means that he will continue to do so. Which is a huge step.

“It just keeps on getting better, you know.” Christian's voice is low and sincere and although Ana just saw him today longing soars through her, so much it hurts.

“What does, baby?”

“Us. What we have.”

“Isn't, though?” she says warmly. “And to make it even better, it seems Sara can be won over to move in with you, too.”

Christian gasps. “You talked to her already?” His tone is both excited and apprehensive. “What did she say?”

“Yes, we talked earlier tonight. She's not opposed to the idea, but she wanted to think about it.”

“Oh, ok …” he hesitates, wary now. “For how long?”

Ana laughs. “That's something Sara says, Christian, and it usually means yes. But I think it's her way of feeling in control of her own destiny. In the next couple of days there will be a million questions about the house and by the end of the week we can't move in soon enough.”

Christian sighs again, but this time it's relief. “It's good that you at least understand your daughter. It sounds way too complicated for me.” Ana knows he's shaking his head.

“She and I have known each other a long time. But you will get to know her too, Christian. And you have a head start – she thinks the world of you already.”

She can almost hear the shy smile she knows is on his lips. “I like her, too. You know that.”

“She's quite shrewd though.” Ana continues, giggling. “She tried to negotiate a pool into the deal.”

“Of course we're getting a pool.” Christian says quickly.

“Not because of her, Christian. That's not what I meant, I just thought it was funny.” 

Ana is already regretting mentioning the pool-thing. Why does he take everything so literally?

“Ana … a; why not for Sara's sake? You know it's nothing for me and if she loves the idea of a pool nothing would give me greater pleasure. And b; don't you want a pool? I'm sure I could think of a few fun things you and I could do in water.”

Of course you can. Ana realizes there won't be any stopping this anyway – she's moving her and her daughter's life into a billionaire setting – things are going to change dramatically. Somehow the thought still makes her uncomfortable.

“Yeah, sure, why not.” She tries for resigned, but can't help smiling. “But in that case you should be the one to tell Sara and not for a few days. Let her think about it without the allure of the pool.”

“That I don't mind.” He's happy as a kid on Christmas, all of his earlier frustration gone. “Maybe we can take Sara to the house together the upcoming weekend? And after that we'll make the final decision. Could that be a plan?” 

“It sounds like a perfect plan, Christian.” Ana hesitates. “Wow, this is big. Are we ready for this?” She almost whispers into the phone. 

“I've been ready for years, Anastasia. But if you don't feel ready I don't want to push you. If you need to wait we'll wait – I know you're mine.” 

He's dead serious and just hearing him repeat that it's all up to her is instantly reassuring.

“I want it too, I really do. In fact ...” It's Ana turn to be embarrassed and she pauses.

“What baby?

“Uhm, I was thinking that, if it's not inconvenient for you, maybe you could stay here a couple of nights this week? I can't stand not knowing when I'll see you again and I think it could be good for Sara to get used to you being around more, you know?” 

She's suddenly strangely nervous for asking him to stay over. Probably because he looks so out of place in her tiny, eclectic house. An image of his hideously expensive Savile Row-suit jacket pops into her head, hanging on one of her done-up yard sale chairs. But he's said that he likes it – her home that is, but the chair too, come to think of it.

Ana can hear Christian's breathing but he's not saying anything. He either doesn’t want to or he's in shock. Eventually he clears his throat.

“As ever, Miss Steele, you're full of surprises. And you have no idea how much I want to spend the night with you, as many as you'll give me.” He snorts. “The coming week just got much more fun than I anticipated. Again with the magic, baby.”

::::: :::::: ::::::

When Christian hangs up after talking to Ana he stares at the wall of his study for a while. Although worried about his sister and her family he's at the same time ridiculously happy. The missing pieces in his life so far – Ana and family – are within reach. 

And despite having been hurt so deeply before by Ana he can't help wondering if maybe it was for the best after all. Because somehow it's even better this time around. The love and passion he experiences with her is as deep and desperate as ever, but without the drama that was surrounding his life back then. 

Most importantly he's in a different place these days; not insecure with her love and more or less at peace with his demons. They do still come at night sometimes and the only time he feels safe from the nightmares is when Ana is sleeping next to him. 

Swiveling in his office chair toward the window and the Seattle night, he contemplates the fact that Ana was so adamant at taking it slowly in the beginning, but since then has been pushing their relationship forward ever as much as Christian himself. Now they will be moving in together which is a huge step, but for Christian it's not the final one. Is it for Ana? They haven't discussed that yet, never even mentioned it.

He swivels back, facing his desk again. Putting both his palms on the desk as if supporting himself to get up from the chair, he stays that way for a few seconds before making up his mind and rising. 

By the wall to the right of the desk there are shelves stacked with annual reports, budget proposals, profit projections and other paper work stemming from the array of businesses he's involved in. He walks over to it slowly and from a corner on the top shelf he grabs a small wooden bowl, quite different in style from anything else in his study, or in his apartment for that matter.

The bowl is beautiful in a rugged kind of way and is hand-carved by Ray. When Ana lived at Escala she'd brought the bowl from her own apartment. She'd kept hairbands in it. Then, when she moved out it got left behind. At first Christian had meant to send it to her – but he found he couldn't part with it. It was so much of Ana – she had touched this bowl every day and loved it because her dad made it for her. Like her it was uncomplicated, beautiful and practically unbreakable. 

Taking the bowl with him he again sits down in the office chair, facing the window. Inside it is a small, red leather box. He picks it up but hesitates; it's been more than ten years since he last looked at it's contents and he's afraid that opening the box will also open a flood of hurt.

Even without opening the lid, Christian remembers exactly what the ring inside looks like. It's been etched in his mind since the day he bought it, only a few weeks before it was all over.  
His fingers play around the edges of the leather cube. It looks new and immaculate still, Gail apparently takes dusting on the top shelves seriously. 

Suddenly he flips open the lid and there it is; the perfect engagement ring that has represented the demolition of his hopes and dreams for a decade. Tucked away on that top shelf to remind him of what he'd lost, he'd thought.

Now Christian thinks that maybe, deep inside, he just hadn't given up. That would sound completely pathetic if it wasn't for the fact that Ana is now back with him. Still loving him. Wanting him to spend weeknights with her and her daughter. Moving in with him.

Prying the ring loose he examines it closely. It looks gorgeous, untouched by the years, but he will send it to be cleaned anyway. No, he will bring it in himself to make sure nothing happens to it. Somehow it's important that this ring finally ends up on the finger it was intended for.

Before putting the ring back in the box, Christian kisses the large stone for luck. Fingers crossed he can soon stop pretending that Ana's last name isn't Randall, but Steele. And that instead it will be Grey.


	23. Chapter 23

It's a rainy Friday evening in the Randall household. On the sofa table in the living room are three cups of hot tea and a large bowl of crisps, the Friday Night Special. The TV is showing an animated film with four penguins, who seem to be some kind of secret agents. As strange as that sounds, Christian is actually finding it kind of diverting.

He's watching the movie with Sara, who is lying on the floor underneath the table, while he and Ana are occupying the couch. Mostly Ana though. She's lying full-length with her legs resting in Christian's lap, sleeping. She came down with the flu yesterday, complete with high fever, chills and aches all over.

Ana had gone straight to bed when Christian came over after work, leaving him and Sara to fend for themselves. Which had proved to be kind of nice. They had ordered take-out, talked about the house and he helped her with her homework, before putting her to bed.

Christian is amazed how the girl just seems to think it's perfectly natural for him to take over her mother's duties while Ana is indisposed. And when he had quietly crawled into bed next to a feverish Ana last night, he'd felt both humble and proud that the girl seemed to trust him to take care of her. Although they're just getting to know each other, the feeling of responsibility to protect Sara is very strong already, just as it is for her mother.

Speaking of her mother, he's tried to convince Ana to let him send for a doctor – so far she's refused. If she's not better tomorrow though, Taylor is under instruction to bring Grace here in the morning, no matter what Ana thinks about it.

During the night he's had to do something he can't even remember when he did last. Ana woke up soaking with sweat, so he'd taken her to the bathroom to clean her shivering body a little, changed her night clothes and then changed the damp sheets. It felt kind of strange to do it himself, the last time must have been in college. When Ana laid back down in bed and expressed her gratitude at the crisp, cool bedding, he felt almost blissful. He loves taking care of her. 

Looking over at Ana's flushed face, he can tell that the fever is rising again and he frowns. Should he be worried? Grace, whom he has called a couple of times already, says it's a normal flu, but what if it's not? Christian rarely gets sick so his experience is limited when it comes to flu-symptoms.

Her legs feel hot in his lap and he decides that it's time for more NyQuil. 

“Sara? Could you get the bottle of NyQuil on the kitchen counter? I think your mom should take some.” Jesus fucking Christ, he sounds so domestic. Suppressing a snort, he nudges Sara's back with his toes.

Sara wiggles out from under the table, jumps up, grabs a few crisps and walks out to the kitchen. She doesn't seem that worried about her mother. Returning with the medicine she walks over to Ana and kisses her cheek, caresses her hair for a few seconds and then returns to the movie. Although short, the loving act fills Christian with awe. This is what he wants, where he wants to be.

“Sara?” Again he nudges her with his foot. When she doesn't respond, he does it again, but a little bit harder this time, trying to tickle her with his toes. 

“Saaaraaa?” Christian is whining, Sara is giggling and putting her hands over her ears. “Saaaraaa!”

“What?” She's laughing, but turns to face him finally.

“Listen, if we can get someone to stay with your mom tomorrow, I was thinking you and I could go see the house together. I doubt Ana will be up to going anywhere this weekend. So we'll have to make due without her, but then she's seen the house and you haven't, right?”

“Ok.” Sara nods. “Can I bring a friend?” It sounds like an automatic request more than anything.

“You can if you really want to. Or we could go just you and me, see the house, go for ice cream or whatever. I also have a surprise for you.” Christian gives her his most secretive smile.

“What? What is it?” Her eyes light up with curiosity, but he's decided he's not telling her about the pool until they're on-site tomorrow.

“You'll have to wait until tomorrow, but I think you'll like it. So we're going?” 

Sara pouts, but her big brown eyes are amused and intrigued. She nods again, enthusiastically. Turning her attention back to the TV, she pushes away Christian's annoying foot while pinching her nose as if his perfectly pedicured dogs are awfully smelly.

Satisfied with their plans for tomorrow he turns his attention to Ana. Carefully he leans over to touch her face and wake her. Her cheeks are very hot.

“Baby? I think you should take some NyQuil again.”

Her eyelids flutter and open, her glassy eyes finding his and she manages a smile.

“Christian, you're still here? You shouldn’t be, you might catch this.” Her voice is hoarse and she coughs a little.

“I want to live with you permanently, but for the time being I should leave you when you're too sick to care for both yourself and Sara? Because I might catch the flu? Yep, that sounds like something I would do.” Despite the sarcasm he smiles warmly while shaking his head at her.

“I'm sorry,” Ana says weakly. “I'm so grateful that you're taking care of Sara and,” she glances down at her daughter and at the mugs and bowl on the table, “you seem to be doing a good job, too.”

“Yep,” Christian says, with mock-pride. “We've been to the market today. I suggested that we'd get Taylor to bring us what we needed for tonight, but apparently he couldn't be trusted with choosing crisps. An important Friday-ritual, I understand.”

Ana giggles and that slightly calms Christian; if she's still joking and giggling, she'll probably be fine? He reaches for the NyQuil, pours the right amount in the cap and gives it to her. She gulps it down and he exchanges the empty cap with the still warm tea.

“Tea with a good dollop of honey. Drink it,” he demands, unintentionally making her giggle again. But she obediently sits up a little and starts to slowly sip the beverage under Christian's supervising gaze.

“Penguins, huh?” Ana nods to the TV.

“M-hm. Apparently these guys are all the rage, I just didn't know it. I actually find it kind of amusing.” He smirks at her and she giggles again.

“I like that you're here.” Ana's fever-gleaming eyes, unusually large in her pale face, gaze lovingly at Christian. “You make me feel safe. It's been a while since I could just relax and let myself be pampered while being ill. You're taking good care of us.” She's out of breath from talking and coughs, causing Christian to look at her sternly.

“Am I now? Then how come you're not drinking your tea while it does any good?” But he's smiling; could he ask for anything more from her than to know that she feels safe with him?

Tired, Ana takes a few more sips of the tea, then gives the mug back to Christian. When she curls up on the couch to sleep again, Christian asks if she would mind him taking Sara to see the house, but Ana thinks it's a good idea, Sara would be disappointed not to go.

“And Grace is coming tomorrow morning to see you. She's staying here with you while we're out.” He says it matter-of-factly, like it's no big thing.

Ana opens one eye to look at him. “You're getting your mother to baby-sit me when you're out for a few hours, because I have the flu?” Her tone of voice implies that this is something an idiot would do, but he chooses to ignore it.

“No one better for the job, she's an MD after all,” he replies chirpily and Ana visibly gives up in front of him, too tired to argue.

“Fine.” Her eye closes again.

 

:::: :::: ::::

 

It's been a busy morning and a long night and Christian is tired but relieved. After looking her over thoroughly under his watch, his mother has assured him that Ana has the common flu and will be much better in a few days.

She had a tough night again and for the second time in ages he had to change the sheets and clean her, but he doesn't mind, on the contrary. Sara slept like a log through it all and is in high spirits and extremely energetic this morning. 

While Sara and Grace are in the kitchen chatting away, Christian is getting some work done. Ros is trying to convince him that he needs to go with her on Monday to see a board of directors of a company he might be buying, but he won't leave Ana until she's better. Ros better get used to it anyway – he won't be as available anymore. If the family thing is what he's doing now, he wants to do it well, same way he approaches everything. No half-assing.

He's working from a comfy chair in Ana's bedroom – that way he gets to watch her sleep when he raises his eyes from the laptop. She's pale and looks small against the gray linen sheets – a gift from him – but she's sleeping soundly now from something Grace has given er.

What Ana doesn't know, and hopefully won't find out just yet, is that he's already bought the house, despite what he promised her. He sort of didn't have a choice – there were other potential buyers and the owner wanted to sell quickly. And although they said they we're making the final decision this weekend, he knows it's just a formality. This house is what they want. What he wants too – with the improvements he has in mind it will be perfect. The Taylor's are going to get a say in how to develop their own living space and Christian is glad to give them that.  
Looking at his wrist watch, he sees it's time to go, Taylor will be here to pick them up any minute. Hopefully with an ice box containing the ice cream with which they will celebrate Sara loving the house.

Ana's cheek is much cooler when he kisses it, a long kiss, but she doesn't stir. Even though Grace is down stairs he feels reluctant to leave her, but knowing how ridiculous Ana would think him if he decides to stay home instead, he plants one last kiss on her forehead and goes to find Sara.

:::: :::: ::::

Sara's eyes are big when Taylor pulls up on the drive-way. On the way here she's been practically bouncing up and down in her seat, showering Taylor with questions about his personal life – children, wife, pets, interests and living with Christian. And why not – Sara's kind of moving in with Taylor, too.

Christian is highly amused at Taylor trying to find the balance between professionalism and satisfying a child's curiosity. Which he mostly does. The only time he gets slightly uncomfortable is when Sara wants Taylor to tell her why his boss doesn't have to make his own bed.

Getting out of the car, Sara's eloquent excitement turns into quiet awe and she seems almost shy. Christian gives Taylor the keys to the house and takes Sara's hand to give her a tour of the garden and while he's giving her examples of fun things to do on a very large lawn, Sara wakes up again and almost yells:

“Soccer!”

She proceeds to explain that their current lawn is too small for soccer, or the windows of the house too close – she's not sure which. For the rest of the garden-tour she's excited again and she's making Christian laugh with her creative to-do-on-a-big-lawn ideas.

Still hand in hand, they slowly make it into the house. Once they're in the entry hall, Sara let's go of his hand and starts running from room to room, very loudly telling Christian about different features that catch her eye. When she finds him again, she's panting.

“Christian, where's my room?”

“Eh, we haven't come as far as deciding who has which room, but it would be upstairs I guess. If you want we can go see which room you like best?” 

It would seem that Sara is done thinking about moving in here and Christian relaxes. He hasn't realized how tense he was over coming here with this little girl. What if she would have hated it? But she doesn't and he follows her up the big stairs where at the top of which she resumes the running from room to room again.

“Christian! Christian, can I have this room? Please?” 

It takes him a little while to find her and when he does she's standing in the middle of a good-sized room, flooded with soft daylight streaming in from a bay window. The room happens to be next to the master bedroom, and he doesn't think Ana would mind so he says yes.

Sara launches herself at him and gives him tight hug, taking him completely by surprise. He carefully puts his arm around her and squeezes quickly, feeling almost shy. But happy to make her happy. 

When Sara let's go she starts decorating the room in her mind while talking to herself more than to him, so Christian takes the opportunity to call his mother to check on Ana. Who is still sleeping, while Grace is preparing lunch for them all. Stop worrying and all that.

It's time for ice cream so Christian finds Taylor, who is sitting on a lonely chair in the kitchen, reading news on his IPhone.

“The ice box?” Christian raises an eye-brow at Taylor who gets up and gets the ice box from a corner of the kitchen. Together they unpack bowls and spoons and ice cream. Christian wants Taylor to have some before he carries it up to what is already Sara's room in his mind, but the man smilingly declines.

“Alright, suit yourself,” Christian teases.”We'll be leaving in 45 minutes tops.” 

Sara is totally up to celebrating her new room with ice cream and they sit on the hard wood floor enjoying it during small-talk.

When Christian's bowl is becoming near-empty he takes a deep breath to gather some courage.

“You know, Sara, there's something really important I'd like to ask you.”

She looks up at him, probably hearing the sincerity in his voice, and he's hoping he hasn't scared her. But she looks okay.

“Sure?”

“But if I'm going to ask this important question, no matter what your answer is, it's really important that you can keep a secret. Not forever, but for a little while. Do you think you can do that?” Fuck, he feels exhausted already.

“Yes, I can!” Sara sounds almost offended but her interest is certainly piqued. Who can resist a secret?

“Okay, but I have to tell you, I am quite nervous asking you this.”

Sara's eyes widen and she looks at him as if she's finding that hard to believe, and he almost bursts out in a nervous giggle when she leans forward and takes his hand to support him. Sweet, sweet girl. Now she's nodding encouragingly at him.

“You see, I've grown very fond of your mother and you, Sara, and I would like you two to become my family, for real. So I want to ask your mom to marry me, but before I do that I want your blessing.” 

Sara looks not surprised as much perplexed.

“What I mean is; I want to know if you are okay with that?” Christian explains, very nervous now. He's heart is racing.

“Would you be my new dad? Sara asks, her brown eyes looking straight into his. He can't tell whether this is something she'd be positive towards, her look is more curious than anything.

“Well … Thomas, he will always be your dad. But I would be your step-dad, or whatever you would like to call me, and I would be like a dad for as much as you'd want me to. You know, do dad-things ...” Christian is not sure how to continue, suddenly he can't think of a single dad-thing.

“Like, come to soccer games? Or go swimming?” Luckily Sara helps out and reminds him of the pool that he was supposed to surprise her with. Bad timing though.

“Yes! Exactly,” he says relieved.

“Some of my friends have two dads. Except one isn't dead,” Sara says matter-of-factly. “And Jennie has two dads but no mom.”

For a few seconds they are contemplating this. Then Sara scrambles to her feet and gives Christian another hug. 

“I accept your proposal,” she says with deep sincerity and although Christian is giggling inside at her choice of words he has no problem replying with the same sincerity.

“I'm honored, Sara. I will do my very best to make you and your mom very happy. And just so you know, we're going to have a pool in this house.”

To which Sara lets go of him and stares at him in awe. She starts jumping up at down, making Christian laugh, and asks if she can go tell Taylor. Christian's phone is ringing in his inner pocket so he just nods and she scurries off.

He glances at the caller ID.

“Dad.”

Carrick, calling from Sydney, has good news. The district attorney's office has declared that they have no further interest in Mia and that she's free to go wherever she wants. Meaning they are going to book flights and start packing. They'll be back in Seattle within the week.

A flood of relief washes over Christian. He makes the phone call short explaining that he's in charge of Sara, but warmly asks his father to send his best to Mia and the kids. 

When he gets up from the uncomfortable hard wood floor his legs feel strangely wobbly. He wiggles a bit to get some blood back into them and heads for the stairs. How wonderfully weird this day has turned out to be. Almost at the same moment he got Sara's blessing to ask Ana to marry him and become her step-father, at least part of his sister's nightmare ended. 

He hadn't realized how tightly wound-up he must have been and now he feels completely drained and while walking down the stairs his legs feels like jelly again.

When he enters the kitchen Sara and Taylor look at him with huge smiles on their faces and Christian gets a feeling that the big secret is out. He'll need to figure out a way to ask Ana soon if Sara isn't going to do it for him.

Suddenly their smiling faces get blurry and he shakes his head. What the fuck? Then his fingers start tingling and he can feel his hands going numb, while his chest tightens and becomes excruciatingly painful. 

He doesn't understand what's happening and he doesn't feel scared, until he sees the faces of Sara and Taylor through his blurry vision. Sara looks terrified, Taylor very worried and something clicks in Christian. What the fuck is happening to him? Not now, finally everything is falling into place, not fucking NOW. 

His chest pains are getting worse as is his vision and he hears more than sees Taylor dialing 911. Sara is hiding somewhere and despite the fear and the pain he feels guilty – it's not fair to her to be here for this. Is he dying now, is this it?

He's finding it hard to breath and he realizes he's lying on the floor, Taylor is at his side talking to him, but he can't make out the words. His pulse is pounding in his head and it feels like it might explode. He can hear a girl crying in the background. Sara.

Then it goes black.


	24. Chapter 24

Ana is slowly awakened by some kind of commotion; upset voices making their way through her fuzzy mind. Before she can properly get her eyes open, a small, cold body crawls down next to her in bed.

Sara puts her thin arms around her mother and squeezes hard, and she's sobbing? 

Oh fuck, she hated the house! Ana swallows – she should have been there, Christian isn't that used to kids. How incredibly stupid of her to let him take Sara to see a house they're moving in to, without her. 

She puts her arms around her crying daughter and hushes her, rocking her a little. But before she can ask Sara what's happened, Grace shows up in the doorway. Her eyes have a look of panic and her face is ashen. 

Immediately Ana sits up in bed, still holding on to Sara. Something is seriously wrong – she's missing something. Where's Christian? Just looking into Grace's eyes she knows it's about him.

”No.” No, no. Her voice is hoarse, her throat tight, she can barely utter the words. “Where is he?”

Grace's eyes well up and she tries to stop the tears with shaking hands. Her legs seem to be trembling as well and she goes to sit down in the bed next to Ana.

By now Ana's stopped breathing. Please, please, please, don't let him be dead. Please. 

Grace swallows. “He's in the hospital, Ana. He collapsed ...”Her voice breaks. “I don't know anything, nothing … but Taylor is taking me now. I have to go.” Grace looks terrified and bewildered, her hands nervously stroking up and down her thighs.

O, thank God, he's not dead. As long as he's not dead, it will be okay. That's all she can think; if he's in the hospital he's still alive. Collapsed, what does that mean? Stroke, heart attack, aneurysm, what? Her head is spinning. She needs to be with him now.

In panic, she starts looking around the room for clothes. Christian's jacket is hanging neatly off the back of a chair. Ana's stuck staring at it, when Grace continues.

“But you need to know that Sara was there when it happened and she's very freaked out.” Grace's eyes flash with sympathy as she reaches over shakily and strokes Sara's hair, causing the girl to cry even harder. “Taylor took good care of her though.”

Ana looks down at her wailing daughter like she's almost forgotten she's there. Oh fuck. She tightens her hold on Sara.

“I have to go. I'll call as soon as I know more.” Grace gets up to leave.

“I'll be right behind you.” Ana's voice is still hoarse but steady and determined now. “I just have to talk to Sara. I'll meet you at the hospital.”

Grace looks as if though she's going to argue, always the doctor, but instead she just nods and sets off down the hallway, calling for Taylor that they're leaving.

Turning her attention to her daughter, Ana fights to keep her voice calm and to focus. Christian is in the hospital getting the best care, but Sara is here and in need of her mother. She can let herself go later.

Poor baby, first her father and now this – just as she was starting to get close to Christian. 

“Sara baby, look at me. Can you tell me what happened?” Ana keeps her voice low and soft, but determined. It usually works with Sara and it does this time too.

She calms down and almost without sobbing, at least until the very end, the little girl recounts everything, starting with her telling Taylor about the pool. As Ana listens fear grips her again, mixed with guilt and empathy for Sara having to seen it all. Thank God Taylor was there, what if he hadn't been? What would have happened to Sara, to Christian?

Barely knowing what's coming out of her mouth she hears herself promise to Sara that Christian is going to be fine. It's unfair and stupid since it's a promise she doesn't know if she can keep. But it's said and now all she can do is hope that she won't regret it.

Gradually Sara calms down and claims she doesn't mind being dropped off at Kate's and Elliot's. It will be perfect for her – she can play with her friends and if she needs support Kate is like a second mother to Sara.

Her phone is lying neatly on the bedside table, fully charged despite the fact that she's been out of it for several days. Her eyes burn when she realizes that it's Christian's doing. 

When she checks for messages from Grace – she should be at the hospital by now – it's like the wind is being knocked out of her. The stab of pain in her gut is so intense she has to bend over not to wail and so scare Sara even more.

There's a text message from Christian. It' starts with a thumbs up.

“Just to let you know, the room with the bay window is taken. If you want it, I suspect you'll have to fight Sara for it.  
We'll be with you, my love, in 45 minutes, when I'm going to force feed you lunch.

I love you and I love us. All three of us./C”

Oh, her heart is breaking. I love YOU. If, when, he's okay there will be no more hesitating. Christian will know that Ana loves him, every second for the rest of his life. That's a promise.

Taking a few deep breaths to compose herself, she phones Kate to ask if she can take Sara and to explain. Kate's already heard from Elliot, who's away on a business trip but is making his way back as fast as he can. Then she calls a cab. She gets dressed quickly and brushes her hair and teeth, legs wobbly from fear and fever, but she barely notices. 

When the cab arrives she grabs her bag and keys and takes Sara's hand. Before they leave the house she looks down at her daughter, trying to read her state of mind.

“Are you sure you're okay with this, going to Kate's? I'll call you every hour if you want me to.” Sara wants to go – probably grateful for the distraction.

:::: :::: ::::

When the cab leaves Elliot's and Kate's drive-way and heads for the Swedish Medical Center, Ana breaks down and sobs loudly as tears stream down her face. When rooting around in her bag for tissues, help comes unexpectedly from the cab driver who offers her a box of Kleenex.

“Thank you. You're so kind,” she stutters at his worried gaze in the rear view mirror. “I'm so sorry. I'm worried about a friend.” 

The driver smiles compassionately in the mirror and leaves her to her crying for the rest of the trip.

When they pull up outside the emergency entrance and she pays the driver, her phone buzzes in her hand. She signals to the driver to keep the change, eager to look at the message. She's been clutching it since leaving the house and when she looks at the screen it's wet with her sweat.

It's a short text message from Grace.

“ C is fine, do not worry. Anxiety attack. Call you later. X Grace”

Ana sinks down on the closest bright orange plastic chair in the waiting room, completely exhausted. He's really fine? It's seems incredible. From what Sara told her, she was sure he'd had a heart attack. Could it really be anxiety, and why, about what?

It takes a couple of minutes before relief starts finding it's way into her state of mind, but she needs to make sure for herself, not knowing what to believe. Willing her legs to work, she gets up and sets out to find Christian.

A friendly male nurse takes it upon him to show her to Christian's private room personally but soon she can spot Grace standing down the corridor and she waves him off, barely remembering to thank him for his kindness.

Grace is on the phone, but she ends the call when she sees Ana. Her face is still pale and her eyes worried, but the difference from before is obvious.

“Oh, Ana. It was just a terrible scare.” Grace's embrace feels really good, almost like her own mother's. Tears start flowing down her cheeks again so Grace keeps Ana in her arms while telling her about Christian.

He has had a severe anxiety attack, and apparently they can look very much like a heart attack. And feel like it too. Apart from being tired and in an extremely foul mood, he's fine. 

He's really, really fine. Now Ana's crying from real relief, finally letting her fear pour out of her. It's a wonder she has any tears left at this point.

“I've never been so scared, Grace,” she sobs to the woman's shoulder, leaving dark stains on her otherwise immaculate jacket.

“I know, honey, me neither.” Grace rocks her for a while and then releases her.

”I think you should go in and see him. It might calm him which is something he needs right now. Being ill and accepting help is not one of my son's strengths. Speaking of which, you should know that I've left a message for Dr. Flynn, although he hasn't treated Christian for years.” 

Grace actually manages a pale smirk.“I doubt Christian will talk to any one else.”

“Oh. Good.” Ana's voice is small. “Grace, I'll go in now.”

“Yes, of course. I'm calling Elliot. Please tell my son to calm down.”

Ana quietly opens the door to the room, sticking her head in first. She' still not convinced he won't be lying in the hospital bed half dead.

A pale, frowning Christian is sitting in the bed violently turning the pages in some glossy magazine. He hasn't noticed her. He looks worn and tired, but otherwise himself and Ana wants to throw herself at him from relief. She doesn’t, instead she closes the door behind her and walks in.

The look in Christian's eyes when he hears her coming in and turns is blazing with anger. He's seriously pissed off. But as soon as he sees it's her his face and whole posture softens. 

“Ana, I'm so fucking sorry,” he whispers, looking deeply apologetic.

Walking to his bedside shakily, she puts her hand on the sheet next to him, suddenly afraid of how she'll react if she touches him right now. Probably she'll break down and that's not what he needs right now. 

She swallows the threatening lump in her throat: “Why are you sorry?” Her voice is hoarse from all the crying and Christian narrows his eyes, taking a better look at her.

“Sara saw the whole idiotic thing. She was so happy and then ... it must have scared her to death. I hope she let's me make it up to her.” He says the last thing almost to himself as if his mind is already starting to work on possible ways to make an eight-year old forget a traumatic experience.

“Christian, stop. Sara had a shock, but she'll be fine. The question is what happened to you? How are you?” Her voice won't hold and Christian narrows his eyes again.

“Hey, how are you?” Speaking softly, he grabs her arm and starts pulling her toward him. “Don't worry, baby, this is nothing. It's stupid and fucking irritating.” He waves his hand dismissively. 

“You had a severe anxiety attack.”

Letting her arm go, her runs his hand through his messier-than-usual hair. 

“Ana, I'm not sure what happened but I'm perfectly fine now and I do not have anxiety. I'll admit I freaked for moment and thought I was having a heart attack, but I know I probably will have one if they don't let me out of this bed soon and give me my phone back!”

The last words are exclaimed loudly and aimed at the door. Ana suspects Grace has confiscated his phone, but if that's supposed to give him peace and quiet … it might not be doing the trick.

“Don't be fucking stupid,” Ana says, suddenly furious at Christian, who looks up in stunned surprise.

“What?” He rubs his forehead, puzzled and still deeply annoyed.

“I said, don't be fucking stupid.” Although Christian's eyes light with anger it only fuels her own at this point.

“Don't you dare get pissed off at me. You love me and want to live with me? Then you don't get to shrug this off like it's nothing.” Her voice is very loud, but she doesn’t care. An outlet for her need to vent has just presented itself.

“I've spent the past hour and a half thinking you were dying. Your mother did too. My daughter did and Taylor did. Even you did. Yet you feel the first priority is you fucking phone?”

Okay, so now she's yelling at him. But if she doesn't she'll start bawling again.

“They wouldn't even let me call you.” Christian says glumly, looking down at his hands like a boy who´s just been told off. Which, in a way, he has. 

The sight of him now vulnerable and embarrassed, deflates Ana completely. Naturally he must be equally scared and as shaken up as she is and wanting to handle that the same way he always does – by barking orders at someone. But without his phone there would be no one to bark at here. At least no one who cares.

She sighs deeply. The need to yell at him has suddenly given way to a need of being physically close to him. Seeing him exasperated and pissed off is a relief – somehow it's a healthy sign.

“I'm sorry. I have never, ever been so scared as I was today,” Ana whispers. Christian gives her a pained look and reaches for her hand, tugging it so she comes closer.

Careful not to touch any cables connected to him she climbs into the bed and without a word he scoots over to make room. Resting on his arm and snuggling his neck she inhales the Christian-scent – warm, reassuring. 

“I mean it, I thought I was loosing you. What do I do if you leave me now, Christian? 

Fuck. Hot tears are streaming down her face again, wetting Christian's neck, causing him to tighten his grip on her. She has no energy left to stop them or even sob so lets the tears run freely.

“I'm not going anywhere, I promise you that.” Christian's voice is soft and comforting and she presses her cheek against his neck. 

“Ana, listen, they've checked me thoroughly and there's nothing wrong with me physically – I'm very healthy. Probably I've been stressed out without realizing it.” 

“Grace told me she left a message for Dr. Flynn. Will you see him?”

“Of course I will, baby. As soon as I can.”

“Good.” An overwhelming exhaustion hits Ana when she finally starts relaxing and she shivers a little.

“Shit, you still have a fever.” Christian's voice is, obviously, full of concern for her and he makes more room in the bed by turning on his side and letting Ana's head down on his pillow. Resting his head next to hers, his nose to hers, he protectively drapes and arm over her. 

“Sleep for a while, baby. I'm here.”


	25. Chapter 25

"From what you've been telling me I'm not surprised you had an anxiety attack." Dr. Flynn is tapping his high-end ball-point pen against the legal pad in his lap.

"While there is no guarantee you won't have another, the fact that you haven't experienced one since and that you are now aware that it wasn't life-threatening, decreases the risk significantly."

Christian nods curtly. Apparently he's been holding his breath for the past months of happiness, unconsciously waiting for the backlash. When he finally relaxed, his mind decided to create it's own catastrophy. It sounds insane to Christian – he has been in perfect control of body and mind all his adult life. Well, except when it comes to Anastasia. Obviously.

He feels back on track now, though. Even his mother's daily probing phone calls to inquire about his mental health are only slightly annoying. He seems to have endless patience at the moment. That's probably due to the fact that he left the hospital on his own accord, as healthy as ever, knowing that his sister was on her way to Seattle with her kids, Ana wants to be with him and he seemingly has her daughter's blessing. Life is quite good at the moment.

"Christian, you have been suppressing your demons all your life, until now. You've managed to somehow overcome the fear of becoming a father; a commitment far more definite than marriage - "

"Not for me." Christian interrupts Flynn, who smiles and nods.

"I know that. What I mean is that you've finally come to consider yourself worthy of being loved and being a parent. I don't expect you to see it the same way, but from my point of view the break from Anastasia was probably a good thing. Considering how things have worked out, of course."

Flynn sounds almost apologetic. But Christian knows he's right and nods again, glancing quickly at his wrist watch.

"Time's up. Thank you again for fitting me in so quickly."

"Anytime, Christian. You know that." Flynn says warmly. "And I am positive you have nothing to worry about. I would still like to see you a few times just to follow up."

"Sure, sure." Christian is anxious to get going. He hasn't seen Anastasia for days, catching up with work day and night. He hasn't told Ana or Flynn about the night work, positive they wouldn't approve. But it has never been work that stresses him out.

…. …. ….

Leaving Dr. Flynn's office, Christian gets into his car and heads straight for his parents' house in Bellevue. Everyone is already there – the entire family is gathered for a dinner to quietly celebrate his sister's arrival in Seattle and his own health.

Despite knowing that they're all waiting for him he's taking his time, driving leisurely. The radio is tuned into a classical station and his mind is completely relaxed – he can't remember when he last just took the time to feel relaxed. Maybe on his boat – but that's been ages. Work rarely stresses him – on the contrary, his mind lights up when challenged with difficult or "impossible" situations. He thrives on challenge.

Christian's personal life is a different thing altogether – at least since he decided to loosen his control over it and let Anastasia in. He'd thought that that's what he did last time they were together, that he had given her complete access and put his trust in her completely. As it turns out it was just the beginning.

Flynn's right. Now is when his real life starts. Now is when he finally feels he deserves the things he always wanted but wouldn't let himself have – the love of his life, children. Other people depending not on his management skills, but his ability to love and respect them, to protect but not control them.

And he's looking forward to it. He wants to learn new things about himself. Who he is a father, a husband, a son-in-law. All new roles.

The ring in the inside pocket of his jacket feels almost hot against his chest. Somewhere deep inside he must be a sucker for romance, because it feels good that the box is close to his heart. Smiling to himself, he realizes that he doesn't give a shit how cheesy that is.

There is still one obstacle to overcome. He needs to figure out how and when to ask Ana to marry him. His usually creative mind has come up with nothing. He wants the place to be special, to mean something for the two of them, but so many places in their history are tainted with bad experiences. He could just do it in their new house of course, but it seems kind of unimaginative.

And then there's Ray, who is going to attend tonight's family dinner. Grace and Carrick decided to invite him since Christian and Ana are serious again; he belongs to the family now. The thing is that Christian still hasn't seen him. So many things have been going on the past few months, he and Ana never made it to Portland together. It feels wrong to see Ray at the same time as his parents, but there's nothing Christian can do about it now.

He wants to ask Ray permission to marry Ana. At least in theory – if Ray says no he doubts that will stop him. This is a ridiculous, outdated and point-less gesture, but somehow it feels important. Christian has immense respect for Ray and wants to show it somehow. Although he's unsure the man will appreciate it. Maybe he will laugh in Christian's face.

Anyhow, the two of them have arranged to go out for a beer tomorrow evening, to catch up as Christian had put it. Ray had seemed reasonably uncomfortable, but rarely said no to a beer. At least they had used to get a long quite easily. Ray wasn't a difficult man, as long as you didn't mind long silences occasionally. Ana had that in common with her father, and Christian had gotten used to those contemplative moments a long time ago.

…. …. ….

Grace and Carrick are cheerily carrying the conversation during dinner, trying hard to ignore the subdued atmosphere. No one around the massive family table can help steal worried glances at Mia and her kids. Except maybe Ray, who is eating heartily while chatting away with Sara. Christian's never seen him this talkative – it must be Sara's influence.

Mia looks haunted; she's thinner than he's ever seen her and pale, despite the unforgiving Australian sun. Her brown eyes are constantly glistening, close to tears. It's a good thing her husband is in Sydney, incarcerated and protected by police, because Christian has an overwhelming urge to kill him.

But the rage he feels against Craig is overshadowed by empathy for his beloved sister. He knows her heart is broken. She loves her husband still and he's betrayed her. The life she and their children have known is gone. It's seems incredibly stupid of his parents to organize this huge dinner to celebrate. Even if they are all relieved that Mia is finally here, she's in mourning.

When the plates from the main course are being cleared, Christian whispers in Ana's ear and they both excuse themselves. Ana rounds the table to get to Mia, takes her hand and leads her out of the room. Meanwhile, Christian claps his hands and announces a Super Mario tournament for all kids, causing a quite a commotion as all under-age members of the family, and Elliot, can't leave the dining-room soon enough.

"Christian, we are not finished! Dessert is …" his mother exclaims but quiets when Christian throws her a furious look. He doesn't get it; his mother is usually very sensitive to her kids' needs, but she seems completely oblivious to Mia's torment the past few hours. What's wrong with her? And his father?

As Christian is staring Grace down, her cheery mask falls off and he can see the hurt behind it. All his anger subsides and he walks over to the head of the table, leans over behind her and puts his arms around her shoulders.

"It will all be fine, mom," he says softly. "We will all be okay."

Her shoulders slump and she sobs a little, squeezing his arm. "I'm so stupid, Christian. I was just so relieved that you are okay and that Mia and the kids are here, out of harm's way … Poor Mia …"

"I know, I know. Let's just give Mia some time – she's grieving, you know, and probably still in shock."

His mother nods, sobbing.

Christian looks around and finds Carrick standing in the door way, looking equally ashamed. At his son's silent summon he walks over to his wife, takes her hand and leads her out of the dining room, saying they should check on dessert.

Still sitting at the dining table are Kate and Ray. Kate is wearing a frown – there's no telling who she's upset with, but Christian couldn't care less. He feels bad for Ray though, having to put up with the Grey family drama on his first ever visit to Bellevue. He does look extremely uncomfortable, not even having a plate to concentrate on anymore.

Christian, having intended to join Mia and Ana, quickly changes his mind and offers to show Ray the grounds, even inviting Kate to tag along. She grumpily declines, but at least gives him a thankful half-smile. Ray on the other hand, readily accepts.

Rain is pouring down outside and Christian finds rubber boots and raincoats for them both. The walk is nice, conversation flows easily when Ray shows real interest for the boats and boat house. When they've covered the different features inside the building Christian offers Ray to sit down on the couch, opens the small fridge and gets two bottles of Heineken.

They clink their bottles and drink in silence. Christian is starting to relax, when Ray clears his throat, indicating his intention to say something.

"So … you and Ana." He looks expectantly at Christian, apparently thinking some kind of comment or explanation is in order. Christian waits a few seconds, hoping that Ray will elaborate but he doesn't.

"Yes …" he starts carefully. What does the man want from him? He's fucking impossible to read.

He clears his throat and decides to talk openly, despite the risk of embarrassing Ray.

"I feel incredibly lucky, having found Ana again. I want you to know that we are very serious about each other, Ray, and I intend to spend the rest of my life with your daughter and Sara."

His voice has a hint of challenge in it, which he instantly regrets. It wouldn't be wise to antagonize Ana's father, his father-in-law to be hopefully, but he can't help feeling questioned.

"I know that. You two were always serious about each other. And I think you're alright enough. I know you'll take care of them."

Wow, big praise, coming from Ray. Christian doesn't know what to say. But Ray isn't finished.

"I'm getting older. Less energy than before, you know. So knowing that Ana and Sara are being taken care of is good, I was kind of worried for a while there. But I gotta say … " Ray's voice trails off and he makes a gesture towards Christian.

"What is it Ray?" Christian's voice is quiet; he's deeply touched by the man's big words, but doesn't want to embarrass him by some, to Ray at least, unmanly display of emotion.

"Well, I think you should marry the girl, s'all," Ray gruffs. "Make it official."

Relieved, Christian laughs quietly, making Ray frown.

Raising both his hands in defense, Christian goes serious again. "Oh, I fully intend to do that, sir, if she'll have me."

"She'll have you alright. And lay off the sir."

…. …. ….

Ana and Mia are curled up in the respective corners of a huge, extremely comfortable and expensive-looking sofa. The heavy rain is pattering on the french windows and Ana can't help but think how appropriate the Seattle weather feels today. She's always found that feeling down is so much better in rainy weather – like it's allowed. Being down on one of the rare sunny days in the state of Washington is definitely frowned upon.

After a few uncomfortable minutes, both Mia and Ana had relaxed and Mia was now talking quietly, going through the past month from beginning to end. Ana listened, rarely interrupting with questions.

Mia wasn't crying while she was talking; maybe she had no tears left at this point. Her feeling of betrayal was deep, for herself and for her children. It was hard for them to understand what their dad had done wrong and why – to which Mia had no answers. To the kids, their father had been flawless, and now he was a crook? Mia felt the foundation on which their childhood was built was crumbling and she didn't know what to do. They felt both betrayed and ashamed. On top of that, few friends of Mia's and the kids had been in touch since the news broke and she felt abandoned.

"Mia, you are all going through hell, but the kids will be ok. They have you and you all have us. We're not going anywhere. And I think it's okay that you can't explain everything to the kids, to say that you don't know. And try as much as possible to separate who Craig is as their father and his actions. They have to be allowed to love him still, and he them. "

Ana leans forward and reaches for Mia's hand. "And you're also allowed to love him still, Mia. Even if you hate him right now." She says it quietly, not sure it's the right thing to say, while squeezing her hand.

"I don't know if I can love him, right now I just want nothing to do with him. I mean, he's always been careless with money, overly confident. But I still trusted him to put his family first, to never do anything to hurt us. So he's not the person I thought he was."

Mia's eyes are still dry, but she looks exhausted and even talking seems to be an effort.

"Mia, why don't you lie down for a bit? Get some rest. I'll keep you company if you want," Ana coaxes her softly.

"Okay." Her voice is weak and grateful. "If I fall asleep you don't have to stay. It's just nice to not be alone while I'm conscious."

Mia lies down and Ana gets a thick blanket from one of the armchairs by the fireplace and spreads it over Christian's sister. She even leans over and gives Mia a kiss on the cheek.

"For what it's worth I've missed you, Mia. I wish it was under happier circumstances, but I'm still glad to see you."

"Oh Ana, me too. And I know you can't tell from the state of me, but I am overjoyed that you and Christian are back together. It means I have you back as well." She gives Ana a tired but sincere smile. "It was about bloody time too," she adds, suddenly with a tint of an Australian accent.

Chuckling, Ana gently taps Mia on the head before telling her to get some rest, then goes to sit in front of the fire-place, grabbing an antiques-magazine. She's tired too and this is quite nice. The house seems quiet – she can't hear the kids from here. She was expecting Christian to join her and Mia, but they probably did better just the two of them anyway.

Curling up in the arm-chair, she closes her eyes for just a moment, just to enjoy the rain tapping on the windows. Within minutes, she's asleep.

… … …

"Anastasia. Baby." Christian's gentle voice coaxes her back to consciousness and she opens her eyes slowly.

His smiling face is just in front of hers and he looks breath-taking, his copper hair wet and gray eyes shining. He smells of Christian and fresh air. Ana's chest tightens just from the look of him and she pulls herself up and throws her arms around his neck, almost knocking him off balance.

"Hey," he laughs softly. "What's up?"

"I love you," Ana breathes. "I've missed you."

Christian pulls back and cups her face with both of his hands. His intense gaze surprises her and then his mouth is on hers, hard and hot, a stark contrast to his cool face. She curls her fingers into his rain-moist hair. The need for him flares up instantly and slight whimper escapes her, when he nibbles her lip.

Christian reluctantly pulls back, smile crooked, and glances over her shoulder at the sleeping Mia.

"Easy there," he chuckles.

Ana flushes, ashamed that she's forgotten about Mia. She's barely dared to touch Christian during the past weeks, constantly afraid that he would have a relapse if she got his heart rate going. But his constant reassurances that he's perfectly fine are starting to wear her down. Especially since every fiber in her body misses him.

"Would you mind a walk in the rain with me?" Christian asks quietly, so as to not wake Mia.

"Didn't you just get in?" She plays with the damp curls surrounding his face. Christian's beautiful hair always reacts this way to rain – he hates it, she adores it.

"Yes I did. I took a walk with Ray, who by the way left for your house already. He took Sara. I think he figured you and I could use a moment to ourselves."

Ana blinks in surprise. How long did she sleep for?

"Kate …?"

"They're still here. So, a walk, just you and me?" Christian's trails light kisses on her cheeks and forehead, making her long to be alone with him.

"If you put it like that, then yes."

…. …. ….


	26. Chapter 26

The red raincoat Ana's wearing is Mia's – or used to be years ago – and is way too big. After folding the sleeves, thus revealing the polka dot lining, it kind of works but she probably looks ridiculous. At least Grace's rubber boots fit.

Christian on the other hand, who has his own rain gear at his parents' house, manages to look good even now. In his dark green coat and boots he looks outdoorsy and hot. The gray weather somehow brings out the color of his eyes even more. She tries to ignore the amused look in them every time he looks at her.

Despite the rain it's not that cold and the walk – which leads them up toward the small forest behind the house – is much nicer than Ana expected. Holding her hand, Christian's fingers are entwined with hers, his thumb grazing her hand, and he's quietly telling her small details on the progress of their new house. He has a few entertaining anecdotes regarding the contractors vs. Grace. Ana's money is definitely on Grace.

The relentless rain eases a little when they reach the forest and Ana takes down the hood of the raincoat. She can feel her cheeks burning but it's not from being cold, it's something else. Christian's warm hand, tangled with hers, is sending warm tingles through her arm and on to her entire body.

They´re on a wide path, which she's never seen before, and she has no idea where they're going, if anywhere. Walking slowly with Christian like this is lovely, since they've hardly been alone for weeks, but there are other things they haven't done in weeks and her body is screaming for him.

They walk quietly for a while, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Ana is imagining that warm hand of his on different parts of her body. It's making her kind of dizzy, and she's considering suggesting that they return home.

Suddenly Christian yanks the hand he's holding so she bumps into him, raincoat to raincoat. The coats make a squeaky noise when they grind together.

"I've missed you, baby," Christian says, letting his free hand curl around her neck. "My god, this weather agrees with you."

He's looking down on her, taking her in it seems, and he lets his long thumb run along her cheekbone. "I don't know if I've ever seen you this beautiful."

Something in his voice, or maybe in his intense gray gaze, makes her eyes go moist. She could say the same about him – this close up she can see every little golden and green speck in his otherwise cloudy-gray eyes. His cheeks are slightly flushed too and the lips full and red, his unruly hair falling down over his forehead. He's unbelievably beautiful, but she doesn't say anything, she just smiles up at him.

Putting his arm around her waist for support, he starts to carefully push her off the path, until her back is leaning against the trunk of an enormous tree. The buttons on her raincoat go "pop", "pop", when Christian slowly runs a finger through them.

"What are you doing, Christian?" Ana asks him softly. "I don't know if …" It's wet everywhere and quite cold, and as much as she's longing for him, the forest might be where she draws a line.

"Hmm. Just need to be a bit closer to you, is all." His voice is low and he leans in and plants the softest kiss possible on her lips, while he unbuttons his own raincoat. "Do you really think I would let you get pneumonia by giving in to my selfish pleasure? I have better control than that, baby."

His lips are on her neck now, nipping and kissing, and his hands round her waist, fingers stroking the bare skin just above the hem of her jeans.

Ana reciprocates and lets her fingers glide under Christian's fine-knit sweater. But contrary to his warn limbs, her hands are icy and Christian squeals, not unlike a girl, at her touch.

"I'm sorry," she giggles, making him press his body against hers and claim her mouth with a growl.

His tongue is violent at first but slowly the kiss changes into something else. It's deep and slow and Ana feels every slight movement his tongue and lips make, every graze and lick. The intensity and need behind it leaves her breathless and longing for more.

Christian is back on her neck again, and she manages to pry her hands loose from his body's hold and tangle her fingers into his moist hair.

"Anastasia," Christian almost whispers to her neck, the vibration from his voice giving her goosebumps of pleasure.

"Anastasia. Are you mine?"

"Yes," Ana breathes. "You know I am. I'm only yours." She gets an even firmer grip on his hair.

"For how long?" His lips are against her ear this time and he's whispering, breath hot.

Ana opens her eyes wide, but she can't see his face since it's mostly buried in her hair and neck. What does he mean, how long? Does he really think she's going to leave him again? A small knot of worry forms in her chest.

"I'm not going anywhere, Christian," she says, a sharp tinge to her voice.

"Ever?" He sounds quite calm. Nipping at her collarbone, he locks her body against the tree trunk with his own and collects her hands in his.

"I'll never leave you. I don't want to and I can't. You're my life." Her voice shakes a little and she wants to put her arms around his neck to reassure him, but she's pinned to the tree, hands above her head. She can't move an inch.

"Good." He's kissing her again, but she breaks her lips from his – the only part of her body she still has any control over it seems.

"Are you mine?" she retorts, voice still shaky.

"Oh, baby." Now he looks at her. "I've always been yours and always will be. You know this. But I will still tell you everyday if you want me to."

While he keeps his gaze locked to hers she feels him pressing the palm of his hand against her palm, entwining their fingers, hands still above her head. When he presses a little harder, the shape of an object digs into her hand, but everything about Christian is so distracting and confusing at the moment. Her wanton self won't let her think straight.

"After what you and I have been through, I think it's safe to say we belong together. Don't you?," he says, eyes not leaving hers for a second. "Christian and Anastasia. Anastasia and Christian. It's epic."

Ana gives him a small smile. "I think I agree with that conclusion."

"Hm." He takes their joined hands down from above Ana's head, brings them to his lips and kisses her knuckles.

Slowly, a vague suspicion enters Ana's mind. "What's in your hand?" she asks quietly, still feeling the object in between their palms.

When he doesn't answer immediately her eyes widen, but he looks down, concentration still on her knuckles.

"Christian?" She makes an effort to make her voice as soft and neutral as possible. "What's in you hand?"

"It's an old dream." He's speaking quietly, but not with hesitation. "One that became a fantasy, because it wasn't in my power to make it happen."

Ana lifts her object-free hand to place it on his cheek, pushing his head gently so he'll look at her. He does, but she can't really read his expression. He looks as if his mind went somewhere else.

"And now?" she says softly.

Instead of replying he goes for her lips again and Ana, though certainly kissing him back, experiences a brief pang of impatience. But this is his thing – he needs to do it his way. She puts as much feeling as she possibly can into the kiss, trying to show him everything she feels for him with her lips and mouth, until he draws back with a gasp, out of breath and with a familiar glaze to his eyes.

"Jesus, Miss Steele, you know how to kiss." he pants. Ana giggles a little. Apparently she does.

He tucks her wet hair behind her ear and gives her a gorgeous, shy and crooked smile.

"But with your permission I would love to be able to call you Mrs. Grey. Mrs. Anastasia Grey," he says softly,

Despite being semi-prepared for this by now, Ana gasps and clenches her hand around Christian's neck for extra support. He's looking up at her shyly through his lashes, but the question in his eyes is intense.

Slowly he flips their joined hands then removes his, leaving the ring to rest in her palm. She blinks rapidly and then stares. It's perfect – simple but exquisite. She loves it.

"Please be my wife, Anastasia." Christian tenderly holds her chin up. "I promise you that from now on, yours and Sara's happiness is my every reason for living, whether you say yes or not. I promise you to be a partner, not just a husband. I promise to be present, not just to support you. And I promise to respect you, not only love you."

Ana swallows. Something's fluttering around in her stomach. Looking up at Christian, she sees conflicting emotions flitting across his face; apprehension, love, impatience. All the same things she's experiencing, but in her gut. Christian is also trying to hide a hint of amusement, like he's thoroughly enjoying watching her reaction.

"I do." Her voice is hoarse and she clears her throat. "I mean yes. And I promise all those things too. Good things."

She's rewarded with an ear-splitting boyish smile and in a very uncharacteristic gesture Christian throws his arms around her waist and spins her. Ana just manages to close her fingers around the ring still in her hand.

When she's back on the ground he takes her face between his hands. "You are so beautiful and I love you. I love you. Let me see what you have in your hand there, baby."

Ana carefully unclenches her tight grip around the ring, goofy smile on her face, letting Christian take it to put it on her finger. It fits of course – she would have been surprised if it didn't – and she's positive it's the most beautiful ring she's ever seen.

"I really, really love it, Christian. It's beautiful. It's perfect." Ana breathes, making Christian's eyes shine with pride.

The ring looks good on her finger, and it feels right. "When did you buy it?" she asks, curious on how long he's been planning to ask her. She suspects it has something to do with their recent scare. The same thought has crossed her mind.

To her surprise, Christian's wide grin shrinks to a small, insecure smile. He looks away for a few seconds but seems to change his mind and locks on her eyes.

"Ana, I've had it for a decade," he says softly while caressing her cheek.

It takes a few moments for Ana's brain to register what he means, but when she understands it feels like someone's punched her in the gut.

"You mean you were going to … you meant to …?" She lets go of Christian's arms and her shoulders slump. The giddy happiness is gone, replaced by the heaviest guilt she's felt since he came back in her life. Just like that. Why did he tell her? Well, she did ask.

Christian's eyes instantly go dark with regret.

"No, no, no, no. No you don't." He grabs her arms and forces her to look him in the eyes. "No guilt, remember? Shit, I shouldn't have told you now." He shakes his head, like his scolding himself. When he continues his tone is desperate.

"Ana, don't you get it? It wouldn't have been right then, we would never have made it. I was just too self-absorbed to know. I thought I kept the ring to remind myself of my stupidity – or as a punishment."

Ana doesn't even bother to hold back her tears. She doesn't know how to feel anymore.

"But now I know why I kept it. I never gave up hope. And now is when it's right. We both know that." Suddenly he smiles brightly at her and she can't help but laugh through the tears. The guilt seems to be washing away with the rain, diluting the salt on her face..

Taking her face in his hands again, he leans in and speaks softly in her ear. "Ana, it makes me happy to be able to give you this particular ring, it means so much to me. Please be happy too."

He's right of course, what's been doesn't matter. And she is happy, happier than ever actually.

She speaks right back in his ear. "I love this ring because you chose it for me, kept it for me. Because I love you, always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we are, finally. Sadly, all that's left now is the epilogue. Now I have to find another story to write.
> 
> Thank you to all of you who read, and follow, and favorite and all of you who take the time to review.


	27. Epilogue

Ana looks at her wrist watch impatiently. Her ass is numb from sitting too long, her head is fuzzy from sleep deprivation and there is no way her swollen feet will fit in her beautiful, black court shoes once the plane lands. She should have changed into her sneakers before leaving Stockholm.

She's spent two weeks in Sweden's beautiful capital, getting to know the higher management of the publishing house she works for. The success of the authors she's brought in the young adult genre – her forte – finally caught the attention of the powers that be in Stockholm.

Now they want her to join them full-time, and Ana's been wined, dined and entertained, then sent on her way home to Seattle with a very generous offer to consider. But all these powerful people in publishing managed to do was bore her.

Accepting BPH: s offer would mean a great deal of money – which she doesn't need, being a billionaire by marriage. She still can't help but cringe a little at the thought, although she's getting more used to it.

The position would also include a lot of traveling, more than now, all over the States and Europe; she'd spent more time away from her family. On top of that, her duties would entail a lot of sucking up to people she can't care less about. Something she loathes to do. But being the good girl that she is, she can't help feeling slightly guilty for not wanting to climb the career ladder, feeling almost ungrateful for the opportunity.

However, she's an editor because she loves the written word and the hunt for the undiscovered, perfect novel. That's what makes her happy. So, it's really a no-brainer.

One hour till landing. Ana's never been away from her family this long and she's missed them so much it hurts. Taylor's picking her up at the airport and she'll see them all at home soon. She can't wait.

Reaching under the seat in front of her, she flips open the lid of her leather satchel and pulls out a dog eared manuscript. She's too tired to really work but maybe some reading will make time go faster. Her seat is closest to the aisle and she turns slightly to face away from the business man sitting next to her, as she flips through the manuscript. He's sleeping, thank god – he was quite the little chatter before – but still there's a faint smell of something … fried emanating from him. It's making Ana slightly nauseous. In her mind she can see her enormous bed, in her beautiful bedroom, with the windows open to the garden below and a breeze making the white curtains flutter. That's where she'll be soon.

…..

Why is her bag always among the last ones to come out on the luggage mill? At least she has finally gotten to change to sneakers and is now treading towards the exit and Taylor. When the sliding doors open Ana immediately starts to scan the waiting crowd for Taylor's solemn face, but there are so many waiting for loved one's she can't see him.

Suddenly she hears a familiar voice calling her name – Sara's voice. With a huge smile Ana starts to scan the crowd again and this time she sees Sara holding a sign that says "Mommy". Next to Sara is an unusually tanned Christian – from sailing no doubt – with a large grin and a two-year-old on his hip.

Bouncing her way to her family, Ana gives Sara a long hug and several kisses, until the twelve-year-old girl starts blushing and squirming.

"And how's my boy?" The toddler on Christian's arm reaches for his mother and screams in delight when Ana lifts him high up in the air. "Mommy's missed you so much!" She kisses his cheeks and neck until he starts squirming as well.

"Is it my turn now?" Christian asks, faking a jealous pout. He snakes his arm around Ana's waist and pulls her close. "I've missed you too, you know." He leans down and gives her a long, light kiss.

"I know. You've told me everyday for two weeks, baby." She sighs and leans her forehead on his chest. "It's so good to be home with you guys. And you all came to meet me!"

"And how are you?" Christian looks at her appraisingly. "Did you eat on the plane? Sleep?" His eyes narrow when Ana avoids his gaze. "Ana?"

"There were these weird smells … And you know what airplane food is like."

Christian sighs and takes the protesting toddler from Ana's arms, placing him on the hip again. He puts his free hand on Ana's small belly.

"You need to take care of yourself," he scowls. "Come on Samuel, Sara, we need to get your mom home to food and bed." He asks Sara to take her mother's bag and they start walking towards the parking where Ana assumes Taylor is waiting for them.

Christian gives her a meaningful look as they make there way through hugging couples and families. "Thank god you're back so I can take care of you properly," he sighs, but gives her a small smile.

"Yes, thank god." Ana mocks him. "I swear a mother hen has nothing on you. But I love it."

Christian turns to head for the exit with Ana following, her arm around Sara's shoulder. As they walk she looks at her husband's back. Even from behind he's gorgeous, but in his khaki shorts and crinkly white linen shirt, with a somewhat sticky Samuel in his arms, he looks so domestic and … ordinary. A far cry from the uptight, controlling and troubled man-boy he was when they met. It's incredibly sexy.

She knew from the start that this is who he really was, behind all those carefully built protective walls. But it still surprises her sometimes that he finally started believing it.

…. …. ….

When Ana wakes up from her afternoon nap it's already dark outside, and the house is quiet. The clock on her bedside table shows 11:00 pm., meaning the kids are already asleep. That's alright, she got some really nice quality time with them when they got back from the airport. Presents were distributed and household anecdotes told, every one eager to fill her in on what's been going on while she was away.

She's terribly jet-lagged and it was probably a really bad idea to go down for a nap at 5 pm. She feels rested now.

Pulling on a silk robe on top of her underwear, she trudges down the hallway to Christian's office, peeking in on her soundly sleeping offspring on her way. In the office the lights are on, as is the computer, but the room is empty.

Ana hates not knowing where Christian is. He often works late at night to be able to give as much time as possible to his family during the day and she's ok with that – but she just needs to know where he is, that he's around. It makes her feel safe. He's probably talking something or other over with Taylor and she decides to peek into his office as well, just to make sure.

On her way through the living room on the ground floor she sees him through the french doors, sitting on a lawn chair by the pool, empty glass in his hand, his face a ghostly hue from the under-water lights. He looks pensive, but untroubled.

The night is warm – Seattle is in the middle of a heat wave - and despite Ana's light dress she's not cold at all. Christian is so deep in thought that he doesn't notice her until she's almost right by him, and he jumps in surprise, making her giggle.

Grinning, Christian puts his tumbler on the ground and swiftly grabs her arm, pulling her down in his lap. He buries his face in her neck, nuzzling her messy hair.

"Oh my god, you're awake," he mumbles. "I didn't think I would get to see you until the morning."

Slowly he runs a finger lightly from her neck, between her breasts and downward until he reaches the sash of her robe and pulls until it opens so he can curl his arm around her bare back.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you these two weeks. I don't think I can let you go away for this long again." He traces her collarbone with light kisses, his hand sliding up and down her bare thigh. Ana feels the familiar warm sensation gathering in her lower abdomen.

"You know what; I won't go away for this long again if you don't either," she whispers.

"I won't." Christian's voice is soft and his hand is now circling the small trace of her baby-belly. "You're so beautiful, Anastasia."

She grabs his face between her hands and attacks his lips with hers, coaxing his tongue into action with her own. "I've missed you too."

Christian's middle finger ghosts over her lace panties, feeling the moist through the thin fabric. "I can tell," he moans in her mouth. Pulling back a little, he brings his hand up to Ana's cheek and caresses it.

"But I want to know about the offer and your thoughts on it. I've waited all day and you haven't said a thing yet. Why?" He kisses her nose. "You know I'll support you whatever your decision. If you want it, we'll make it work."

Ana hesitates. This feels like absolutely the wrong time to talk about this. But Christian's look is sincere and expectant – he doesn't want to wait, although it's a bit more complicated than he thinks.

"The thing is …," she starts. "Well, first of all; I'm not accepting the offer. It's not what I want to do, and I don't want to spend that much time apart from you guys."

Christian kind of looks relieved, even if he's trying to hide it. He can tell that she has more to say and he nods in encouragement.

"I … didn't want to talk about this by the pool, in the middle of the night, while horny in you lap," - Christian flashes her a devilish grin, followed by a satisfied smirk - "but hey, why not?"

Ana slides from his lap and sits down on the patio; she needs to keep her head clear. Christian takes a seat next to her.

"Ok, so I've been thinking that I could maybe start my own small publishing company." Christian's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but not in a bad way from what Ana can tell. His hand urges her on – now he's impatient.

"I have a few big enough authors who want to follow me; the idea has even been suggested to me on occasion. Also, I've had talks with a distribution-guy, Paul, and Gemma in sales, plus a few editors who would come with me."

Christian's surprised look is replaced by a frown. "Why haven't you talked to me about this before?" He sounds hurt. "I would've helped you."

"I know, baby. But at first it wasn't even real; more like a fantasy. And then … I don't know. You're so awesome at this kind of thing and I guess I wanted to see how far I would get, trying to figure it out on my own. I do need your help, but it was important to me it was my brain child. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Ana looks at him, holding his gaze. She might have been really stupid, shutting him out, but somehow it had felt so important that she got to develop the idea on her own, without a well-meaning, sexy-as-hell expert unintentionally bulldozing her.

Christian looks at her seriously for a few seconds, but then bursts into laughter at her worried look. She scowls at him.

"Don't worry – I get where you're coming from." He shakes his head, still smiling widely. "I like the idea of you starting on your own."

"I kinda knew you would. But you might not when I tell you my vision for the business."

He's confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm not really planning on making a profit." She smiles at him shyly – it might seem to be far from this billionaire's, or any old billionaire for that matter, way of running a company – but she knows it isn't. Christian's sense of philanthropy runs deep.

He just cocks one eyebrow at her, indicating she should go on. The worst that can happen is if Christian were to make fun of her idea – and her for hatching it. But that wouldn't be like him.

"Ok, so, as writer, to get your work published for the first time is near impossible, as you know. A large publishing house maybe signs four or five new talents a year. It's far to few and what happens is that the diversity that reaches the reader diminishes. So, I would like to be able to sign many more new talents, as many as I can afford without going bankrupt. The point being that the profit from the biggies will support the small ones, you know."

Ana's voice is eager now – she's infatuated with this idea. Christian is nodding slowly – something is going on in there, behind his beautiful face, but his look is impassive – there no telling if it's good or bad. So she continues.

"You've told me so many times that I don't have to work for a living. You have – I mean we have -" Ana corrects herself after another cock of the brow from Christian, "so much money, courtesy of you," she adds pointedly, "so I figure why not do something I love in a way that I feel I can believe in."

Christian is quiet for a few moments and Ana finds herself getting nervous. He must hate it.

"Hmm. I like your idea." That's what he says but he looks like something is troubling him – he's staring somewhere past her right shoulder and he's scowling. Ana pulls her legs up under her chin and waits for him to continue.

"I need to think about it – there might be ways to ..." Suddenly he looks at her, almost embarrassed.

"You said you wanted my help. Did you mean it? If you don't that's ok, I won't interfere. I'll understand." His gaze is hopeful and he gives her a small mile.

"Yes, I want your help, Christian! I would be dumb not to. Does that mean that you think it could work? You don't mind that it might not make any profit?"

"No. This is something that makes your eyes dance with excitement – the idea that you have the opportunity to do something strongly believe in. It's contagious. And of course I support that. I support the ideology behind it too."

She grins at him, elated that he gets it.

"But have you thought of a time frame?" he asks. "I mean, we have this little person to consider." He caresses her small baby-belly again.

"Mm. Planning and organizing until the baby is born, then I'll start with the authors who will follow me and who are up for renewal of their contracts. Once the foundation is laid we'll get to work with attracting new talent. I'll have help, you know."

"Ok then." Christian sighs. "Guess you thought about that." He smiles. "We're going to have so much fun figuring out the details together."

"Uhm … sure." Fun isn't what she would call it. She's probably more of a visionary. "Let's talk about it more tomorrow."

Yawning, she slides closer to her husband and places herself in between his thighs so he can put his arms around her. She's getting to realize a dream, because she has the most amazing person in the world loving her.

Christian puts his head on her shoulder. "You know what came in the mail the other day? The adoption papers."

She can feel him smiling against her cheek and she smiles in turn. He's been longing for this, for Sara to be his real daughter. But they had both wanted to wait until Sara was old enough to make the decision on her own. When Samuel arrived two years ago, Sara had started calling Christian 'Dad', probably staking her claim on him as hers as well as the newcomer's.

Christian had loved it, he wanted Sara to be his. She hadn't forgotten about Thomas – her biological father – but both Ana and Christian had assured her that she could have two. Sara had agreed to the adoption-idea without any hesitation. She wanted Christian, too. She wanted a dad.

"Have I told you how incredibly happy you make me, Anastasia?" Christian is whispering in her ear, his breath hot and tingly.

"Yes, my love, many times. Have I told you how ..." Pulling her back Christian silences her with kiss. "I think it's play time," he chuckles, before tipping her body into the blue water in front of them. Standing up, he quickly rids himself of his clothes, while Ana's spluttering and muttering about her silk robe being completely ruined. But when he makes a splashy jump into the water next to her, she laughs.

As soon as his head breaks the surface, she's latches on to him, attacking his mouth with her own.

"You are a tease," she pants, grabbing him through his boxers. "It's time you make it up to me."

Christian groans and lifts her in the water, making sure her legs are wrapped around his waist. While kissing her deeply, playing with her tongue and nibbling on her lips, he presses her gently against the pool side.

"Oh, I am so making it up to you."

¤ The End ¤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that would be that. For now. Thank you for your time and interest – I am so honored and thankful to all of you who have followed me through this story. Thank you for amazing reviews that make my day and make me want to write more.
> 
> If you want, put me on your author alert, because I plan to be back although I'm not sure with what yet. Next time I also hope to have a beta, and thus annoy you less with my typos and such.
> 
> Love/Nickis.


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